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  • #61
    Dear 'pursuing happiness',

    It's amazing how people imagine to know everyone's personal situation...maybe you are friends with the ex?


    Let me just say that the ex had started keeping the kids more and becoming difficult only after she discovered that I was serious with someone. She was already on her way to fighting for primary care.


    The distance from my ex's town to my office was approx 2.5 hours one way, hence 5 hours of driving per day. People were being let go for not coming into the office every day and I was going to be one of them if I did not do something. I moved in order to keep my good-paying job which is currently supporting my ex's lifestyle and not so much my kids. Losing my job would not have been to anyone's benefit, and trying to find another job in my field in that town would have been impossible.


    I have no problem paying child support, however, I work hard for a living and feel that I should have a right to know how that money is being spent. It is my kids that tell us what goes on in that house, and that their mother is constantly denying them basic things and telling them she does not have the money. This includes basic things like lack of food in the fridge on many occasions among other things.


    She is the one who wanted a divorce and I have every right to move on with my life. My new wife works full time and does not expect me to take care of her or my step kids...she has always been quite self-sufficient.


    Can you tell me a bit about your situation? Are you a payor, recipient or neither?

    Comment


    • #62
      Originally posted by Links17 View Post
      I couldn't find anything, apparently 10 states in the US have some statute about it but it SEEMS to be NEVER enforced.
      New Zealand has apparently changed their child support laws effective 2014 so that both parents' incomes are taken into account. I wonder if that will ever happen here!

      Comment


      • #63
        Originally posted by Justice4us View Post
        Dear 'pursuing happiness',

        It's amazing how people imagine to know everyone's personal situation...maybe you are friends with the ex?


        Let me just say that the ex had started keeping the kids more and becoming difficult only after she discovered that I was serious with someone. She was already on her way to fighting for primary care.


        The distance from my ex's town to my office was approx 2.5 hours one way, hence 5 hours of driving per day. People were being let go for not coming into the office every day and I was going to be one of them if I did not do something. I moved in order to keep my good-paying job which is currently supporting my ex's lifestyle and not so much my kids. Losing my job would not have been to anyone's benefit, and trying to find another job in my field in that town would have been impossible.


        I have no problem paying child support, however, I work hard for a living and feel that I should have a right to know how that money is being spent. It is my kids that tell us what goes on in that house, and that their mother is constantly denying them basic things and telling them she does not have the money. This includes basic things like lack of food in the fridge on many occasions among other things.


        She is the one who wanted a divorce and I have every right to move on with my life. My new wife works full time and does not expect me to take care of her or my step kids...she has always been quite self-sufficient.


        Can you tell me a bit about your situation? Are you a payor, recipient or neither?
        I think you need to step back a bit.

        Many people here have been through similar or worse situations, and from our own experiences and from what we have learned here, we do have a perspective. It may not be what you want to hear, but it may be valid none the less.

        I understand why you moved. A judge may not.

        It doesn't matter who initiated the divorce, or why. Divorce is no fault in this country and a judge will not care.

        Child support payments go to the payee, and there is NOTHING we can do about directing them. If you feel your children are in danger because they don't have the necessities of life, call the CAS. But understand that if you call them, and if they don't find truth in your allegations, it could backfire on you.

        You chose to move, but for the right reasons. Nonetheless you chose to move to another community away from your children. You need to own that. Your ex didn't cause it.

        Comment


        • #64
          It's amazing how people imagine to know everyone's personal situation...maybe you are friends with the ex?
          Its amazing to me when someone comes on this forum ranting and raving and then starts lashing out at anyone that disagrees with or offers an alternate viewpoint to their position.

          Let me just say that the ex had started keeping the kids more and becoming difficult only after she discovered that I was serious with someone. She was already on her way to fighting for primary care.
          If your ex..or mine...violated the access arrangement per the order, there are legal remedies to fix that. If you follow the the order and use your access time, she can fight all she wants but its difficult to change a 50/50 order without a good justification.

          The distance from my ex's town to my office was approx 2.5 hours one way, hence 5 hours of driving per day. People were being let go for not coming into the office every day and I was going to be one of them if I did not do something. I moved in order to keep my good-paying job which is currently supporting my ex's lifestyle and not so much my kids. Losing my job would not have been to anyone's benefit, and trying to find another job in my field in that town would have been impossible.
          Strong words. I guess you decided that it was more beneficial for you to keep your existing job and move away from your biological children and hence give up your access and pay full-table CS. You have every right to make that choice but choices have consequences. You're certainly right that no one on this board has all the facts of your specific situation but given what facts you've decided to disclose, its simply a fact that you made the conscious choice to move away from your children.

          I have no problem paying child support, however, I work hard for a living and feel that I should have a right to know how that money is being spent.
          You can feel however you want...but it probably ain't gonna happen...nor is such a thing ever likely to happen. But by all means, you certainly can use your spare time to try to push legislation to try...that's well within your right to do.

          It is my kids that tell us what goes on in that house, and that their mother is constantly denying them basic things and telling them she does not have the money. This includes basic things like lack of food in the fridge on many occasions among other things.
          First, you chose to move away from your children thus literally handing over your access to someone who you are claiming to be negligent. That's pretty interesting. Second, what goes on in your ex's house during her parenting time is none of your business. Any parent that encourages the bashing on the other parent isn't acting in the best interest of their children.

          She is the one who wanted a divorce and I have every right to move on with my life. My new wife works full time and does not expect me to take care of her or my step kids...she has always been quite self-sufficient.
          This is a direct contradiction to your earlier post...so get your story straight. You have increased carrying costs because you have more children under your much larger roof. Again its simply a fact. In addition, you've given up 50/50 access of your own children and thus pay full-table.

          Who wanted the divorce is irrelevant and yes you have every right to move on with your life. And in fact, you did...you moved away from your children to prove it. Are you trying to suggest women shouldn't have the right to request a divorce? If so, there are countries that have laws like that...you could attempt to emigrate.

          Can you tell me a bit about your situation? Are you a payor, recipient or neither?
          I have 50/50 access to my child that I fought very hard for and paid a lot of money to ensure. I would never give that up for any reason, including my new relationship. I work full-time and my ex is the higher income earner so he pays a small amount of offset to me.

          What would be more interesting is what your ex would have to say and no, I don't believe that I know her.

          Comment


          • #65
            Originally posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
            I think you need to step back a bit.

            Many people here have been through similar or worse situations, and from our own experiences and from what we have learned here, we do have a perspective. It may not be what you want to hear, but it may be valid none the less.

            I understand why you moved. A judge may not.

            It doesn't matter who initiated the divorce, or why. Divorce is no fault in this country and a judge will not care.

            Child support payments go to the payee, and there is NOTHING we can do about directing them. If you feel your children are in danger because they don't have the necessities of life, call the CAS. But understand that if you call them, and if they don't find truth in your allegations, it could backfire on you.

            You chose to move, but for the right reasons. Nonetheless you chose to move to another community away from your children. You need to own that. Your ex didn't cause it.
            That is a fair perspective and I appreciate it...I wish we could change the system somewhat but this is our reality for now.
            I do not regret any decisions I have made...I am a responsible father and always try to do the right thing.

            Comment


            • #66
              New Zealand has apparently changed their child support laws effective 2014 so that both parents' incomes are taken into account. I wonder if that will ever happen here!
              Both parents incomes are taken into account when you have 50/50 access which you did. However, since you chose to move away from your own children and leave them primarily with your ex...that's a different scenario. Own your choices or perhaps move to New Zealand.

              Comment


              • #67
                Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                Both parents incomes are taken into account when you have 50/50 access which you did. However, since you chose to move away from your own children and leave them primarily with your ex...that's a different scenario. Own your choices or perhaps move to New Zealand.
                That was not meant for you...it was in response to another person's message.


                And by the way, I am entitled to feel how I feel about our child support and custody laws...I know I am not alone.


                I believe both parents incomes should be considered regardless of who has primary care. You are entitled to your own opinion.


                When I move to New Zealand I will send you a postcard ok?

                Comment


                • #68
                  And by the way, I am entitled to feel how I feel about our child support and custody laws...I know I am not alone.
                  You absolutely are. I never suggested that you weren't.

                  And you're right, there's a lot of people with very similar mentalities to yours.

                  Comment


                  • #69
                    Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                    You absolutely are. I never suggested that you weren't.

                    And you're right, there's a lot of people with very similar mentalities to yours.
                    And women like you who are on the receiving end have a similar mentality to yours...you sound bitter...sorry if I hit a nerve!

                    Comment


                    • #70
                      And women like you who are on the receiving end have a similar mentality to yours...you sound bitter...sorry if I hit a nerve!
                      lol @ the ad hominem...typical and nice try.

                      Comment


                      • #71
                        My 15 year old just told me five minutes ago that there's no food in the fridge. In fact, I think he says it every day. Think it's true?

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Originally posted by Qrious View Post
                          My 15 year old just told me five minutes ago that there's no food in the fridge. In fact, I think he says it every day. Think it's true?
                          Exactly, mine did the same - regardless that there was tons to eat, walk in pantry and a chest-freezer full. Often when kids complain about there being nothing to eat, it simply means nothing they like ie cookies, chips, or fast food.

                          OP, do your children seem to be unhealthy or losing weight? Or are they simply responding to your inquiries as to how your hard-earned support payments are spend?
                          Last edited by Janibel; 09-30-2013, 06:49 PM. Reason: typo

                          Comment


                          • #73
                            My 15 year old just told me five minutes ago that there's no food in the fridge. In fact, I think he says it every day. Think it's true?
                            The real question is if you truly believe that your ex is neglecting your children, would you move away and leave your kids with that person almost full-time?

                            Comment


                            • #74
                              To the posters who are being exceptionally negative to the op...do you deny the system has problems? You all arent seriously denying the fact that many many payees use the money for things other than to support children. If you seriously are saying this...I think I might just go look up in the sky and wait to see some pigs.

                              Comment


                              • #75
                                OP, do your children seem to be unhealthy or losing weight? Or are they simply responding to your inquiries as to how your hard-earned support payments are spend?
                                Excellent question.

                                Its always alarming how conflict-driven parties engage their kids with utter glee in the ongoing bitterness between them and their ex-spouse without any care about the long-term trauma emotionally/mentally to the children or the trauma that will result in the parent/child relationship they share. They're so short-sighted with hatred for the ex that they can't see or don't care what they're doing.

                                Comment

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