Reform Needed NOW!

[SRT]

Oh and as far as contacting the government about ex being in a spousal relationship/ not claiming common law. Ex's spouse is not using the same address as her. So how would there be any proof for the Government about their situation?

The first question that was asked by a fraud hotline operator to myself was "are they using different addresses?" So you would say "yes" and then provide them with names, addresses or any other info you have. Then they would probably call them to see if it is true or if they will come clean. If there is any reason they think otherwise, these men with briefcases start to poke around asking neighbors, landlords etc. They might even park a surveillance ummmm utility van in the front of the property, check their garbage or look to see if there is men's underwear hanging from the clothesline.
Do not expect CRA to find out about the situation without any tip or knowledge of this. That is the investigators job to prove it, and yours is to notify them. Sorry it is back to you.

[Justice4us]

I am not sure what doesn't make sense to you...pls clarify.

[Justice4us]

We have been trying to give the facts without going into too many details, otherwise we could possibly write a book.

[Justice4us]

Precisely...the payor's side of the story is 'crap'...nice.

[Justice4us]

The original message was from my husband...I am the new wife and have an ex of my own.

[Justice4us]

We are just trying to give the facts...not everyone has a crazy ex but unfortunately some women are unable to move on with their lives and cannot handle the fact that their ex has indeed moved on. These women make a point of trying to make things as difficult as possible on every level. Again, this is OUR reality...we are not saying every situation is the same.It would be too much to go into it all here...and it would be comical to see what her side of the story would be because she is and always has been a victim.

[Justice4us]

If your ex is making close to 6 figures and gets $2000 per month in child support for 2 children, why are the kids going without? Oh wait a minute...I forgot...she can do whatever she wants with all the money she gets. We will assume that every recipient is responsible and does the right thing correct?And as far as fighting for for access/custody/pick-up/drop-off...first of all the kids have all their friends and schools where the ex lives and we are not going to forcibly try to take them away from there. We have told them that our door is always open if they would like to stay with us primarily...who knows what they may decide in the near future. Second, we have been told by our lawyer that trying to fight for things in court is a very difficult thing and usually the results are not in the favour of the payor...not to mention the thousands of dollars it will cost which we don't have. We will have to pick our battles.

[Justice4us]

Relax...it's just a title!

[Justice4us]

If you would like clarification on something pls ask.

[mcdreamy]

Second, we have been told by our lawyer that trying to fight for things in court is a very difficult thing and usually the results are not in the favour of the payor...not to mention the thousands of dollars it will cost which we don't have. We will have to pick our battles.

The payor money would have been better spent trying to obtain 50-50 shared custody instead of buying a 5 (??) bedroom home on a salary of $80,000 and abandoning his children.

The children are financially benefiting from the combined salaries of their parents -- as they should be.

[FightingForFamily]

The payor money would have been better spent trying to obtain 50-50 shared custody instead of buying a 5 (??) bedroom home on a salary of $80,000 and abandoning his children.

The children are financially benefiting from the combined salaries of their parents -- as they should be.

When the ex takes the children and leaves, you don't know where they are, and then you get served papers that you need to pay 3/4 of your income in CS/SS as an interim order, virtually no one can pay that and still have the resources for a 20-100k trial to fight for shared custody against the false status quo, especially with savvy exes combine it with false allegation of child sexual abuse or domestic violence. Considering it will take 9+ months to get a trial it's pretty hopeless.

Some people abandon do their children, but many more simply cannot afford the costs of the battle financially, emotionally, socially. A properly executed ambush divorce can leave the victim without the resources, ability or emotional fortitude to fight for what should be theirs by right.

[Justice4us]

Just FYI, I did have shared 50/50 custody before I had to move away from the ex...I did not 'abandon' my kids...the reasons for moving included 1) I would have lost my job if I didn't 2) the ex had started taking the kids an extra day per week, making things difficult, requesting additional funds and 3) I had a fiancée that did not live there (one of us had to eventually make a move in order to live together). I travel to see my kids as often as possible and have them alternate weekends and holidays. I never mentioned how much I make...other people on this site have assumed 80 grand. I was in school a long time, paid my own way as well as for the ex, and work very hard at what I do. But as my lawyer has said, the higher income earners get screwed even more.
And by the way, we live in a 4 bedroom house like a lot of other families...my kids get their own bedrooms while my new wife's kids share a bedroom.
I have no problem taking care of my responsibilities which I am doing...my issue is that my ex does not even have to touch her income to support the kids with what I give her. That gives her a whole lot more disposable income and a better standard of living.

[Links17]

I think I saw some posts a while back admiring Australia's system.

I couldn't find anything, apparently 10 states in the US have some statute about it but it SEEMS to be NEVER enforced.

[Justice4us]

Dear 'fightingforfamily',

I think you have to be on this side of the fence to truly understand things...it's easy for people who have not been in our shoes to make assumptions. They do not get how the system works and how it's biased in favour of the primary care parent. The other parent has very few rights, so trying to fight for things is a losing battle.

[Pursuinghappiness]

I did have shared 50/50 custody before I had to move away from the ex...I did not 'abandon' my kids...

3) I had a fiancée that did not live there (one of us had to eventually make a move in order to live together). I travel to see my kids as often as possible and have them alternate weekends and holidays.

Again, choices have consequences. You chose to move and give up 50/50 custody/access and parenting of your own biological children to move in with a woman who receives no support from the father of the children she has. In doing so, you handed primary custody and access over to your ex and picked up full-table CS responsibilities. You also picked up the additional expense of children that are not yours and that you do not have a primary obligation to. I can tell you that a lot of men and women that fight for 50/50 access wouldn't be giving it up for any reason...but you had the full right to make that choice and there is absolutely nothing your ex or your existing children could have done about it.

How your ex manages the money really isn't your business. You will never get a court to tell a person how to manage the CS funds they receive, its not going to happen. Maybe she pays for all the children's stuff out of her paycheck and uses the CS money for large expenses or savings accounts. Whatever she does with it, that's her perogative. Your choice was not to get up and move away from your own children...I'll bet if she was here, she probably wouldn't have much good to say about you doing that. We all live with the outcome of our life choices...whining about them is non-productive.