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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 05-30-2018, 01:52 PM
Knave Knave is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
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That is enough of a response for further details

I am parent A. In the last six years, parent B has never consented to a single change ever. My brother is getting married this summer, and unfortunately it occurs 12 hours before I get them for a week. She has refused to even change that (I offered entire weekends as compensation).

In a different incident, another brother lives in Australia, and when he came to visit the timing was unfortunate and they were with her. She would not even let me have them for 3 hours. I found out later they were placed with a babysitter during this time.

Last summer, I signed up a child for a week-long overnight camp. The only week available edged somewhat into her time. (It was almost impossible to get a full week on my time due to the summer schedule we have). I offered any switch her heart desired. She rejected it, willing to force my child to miss the first day (when most friendships are made). I found out later that the activities for that day involved eating at A&W with the grandparents they see on a weekly basis.

The kids have missed birthdays, family time, camping trips, and numerous unique opportunities over the years. The above three examples are just tastes of a woman who has the flexibility of industrial steel.

Will there be recital blowback? Yes and no... she would never even remotely consider offering a switch for something like that. It is not even a hypothetical situation, they have indeed missed recitals. I have learned to just accept it. So, perhaps now she'll have an excuse not to change dates for the recitals, but it won't actually affect her behavior.

So, the annoyed parent in me wants to let her know what it is like to deal with a parent who won't make a reasonable switch. Perhaps maybe she'll understand the need for flexibility. However, I'm loathe to punish my kids for something that is beyond their purview.

I'm also worried that if I roll over here, I'm possibly setting up a precedent, where I will let her schedule activities during my time, but she can continue to reject accommodations that happen during my time.

I'm probably going to roll over, because I love my kids more than I hate my ex, but it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

Child is fairly young, and I don't want to put him in the middle of a fight. This is my decision to make, not one I can delegate.
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Old 05-30-2018, 02:03 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Could you reschedule the lesson but not tell her and take the kid for the photo and leave?
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Old 05-31-2018, 09:34 AM
climber9 climber9 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2015
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Depending on the age of the child they may not know how to make an appropriate decision in this case.

If the child chose lessons over the picture, it's an opportunity to teach about being part of a 'team' too. The picture will add value to everyone, all the players, coaches, etc., if no one showed up there would be no picture, and so on.

My opinion is to do the pictures as that is a once a year thing and the lessons happen about 26 times per year.
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