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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 01-09-2018, 01:25 AM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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Default Kids being anti new SO

So I've found a new chick she's pretty cool.

My kids are going ballistic about it basically and my son (12yrs old) openly threatened to move to his mom's house if I live with this girl. My daughter has made the threat but wouldn't be happy either

I've been with the girl for a year, she lives nearby and I'm planning to move her in to my place for a couple of months as a trial and if things go well i might buy a place with her in June.

Advice?
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Old 01-09-2018, 08:07 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Did they say anything about why they feel this way? Like they are afraid she will try to be their mother? Afraid you dont love them that much etc? Maybe try talking to them?

They can threaten all they want but you are the parent. I have a feeling this is probably being fed by their mother or they are afraid of more upheaval.
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Old 01-09-2018, 08:46 AM
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arabian arabian is offline
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Don't know why people, after going through nasty divorces, want to enter into another live-in relationship.

I'd be pissed off if I were one of your children. Sure you call the shots but why not simply focus on raising your children and seeing your friend at your respective residences? Your children will only be with you for a few more years correct? After they leave you will have the rest of your life to play house with someone. I'd cherish the time with your kids while you can.

I don't recall the age of your children but there is that age where they can decide where they want to live. Is the new g/f worth losing your kids?
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Old 01-09-2018, 09:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Don't know why people, after going through nasty divorces, want to enter into another live-in relationship.

I'd be pissed off if I were one of your children. Sure you call the shots but why not simply focus on raising your children and seeing your friend at your respective residences? Your children will only be with you for a few more years correct? After they leave you will have the rest of your life to play house with someone. I'd cherish the time with your kids while you can.

I don't recall the age of your children but there is that age where they can decide where they want to live. Is the new g/f worth losing your kids?
How many prospective partners do you think would stick around if he told them that the relationship couldn't progress past casual dating for the next 10-12 years because his kids said so?

I got into another marriage after my 1st one because I was smart enough to learn from that experience and make sure not to repeat the same mistakes. I just went out and found the polar opposite of my ex!

As far as this kid issue:
In my house, I am the parent and I make the decisions. That's the problem with children nowadays...they think they rule the roost....We think like the above and we will continue to foster and support a generation of self entitled spoiled brats!

When would it end? Next thing you know, these kids will be threatening to move to Mom's (who is most likely spear heading this) if they don't get a new car at 16.

I say hold your ground, take it slow and reassure them that the girlfriend isn't in any way trying to become or replace their mother.

Last edited by cashcow4ex; 01-09-2018 at 09:16 AM.
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Old 01-09-2018, 11:46 AM
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Just because two people aren't living together (doing laundry, cleaning & playing house) doesn't mean they aren't in a serious, committed relationship. I mean you CAN have sex and not live in the same place and you CAN enjoy sleepovers, vacations together... all the good stuff and then come home to one's own safe haven. Actually, if anyone demanded living together or end relationship then I would run the other way.

On the other hand, I do agree that kids shouldn't be dictating things. You should, however, take their position into consideration. If the kids are dead against the g/f moving in then it certainly will not be a pleasant experience for the g/f and you may find yourself playing referee....
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Old 01-09-2018, 11:52 AM
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You have 50% of your time to bang when your kids are not home. Why bother with the nightmare. Just have the new partner stay there when the kids are not there and you stay at their place when the kids are with the other parent...
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Old 01-09-2018, 12:06 PM
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it's a legitimately tough spot you're in. Have you delved further into why they are so against the g/f? would going to see a counsellor separate or together potentially help?

good luck
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Old 01-09-2018, 01:42 PM
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Financially speaking, paying for one household is substantially cheaper than paying for two. The savings could be used to fund multiple exotic vacations a year.

My point is that there are reasons beyond extra banging to move in together.

That said, if the kids are against it, that's a serious issue. Maybe start taking vacations together first? The cost savings may be eaten up by a subsequent separation.
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Old 01-09-2018, 01:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
That said, if the kids are against it, that's a serious issue. Maybe start taking vacations together first? The cost savings may be eaten up by a subsequent separation.
Just wait until the other parent gets wind of it all and starts to create an even bigger mess. Not like Link's ex isn't a totally reasonable person who will embrace this change...
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Old 01-09-2018, 04:23 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Iím glad I met my husband when his kids were really young... it has allowed the kids and I to develop an amazing relationship.

I donít think children should dictate your relationship status or living situations but I do think you owe it to your children to find out their reasons why. I mean if your children stated they didnít want to do xyz, I can only assume you would ask them why. This situation shouldnít be any different. Open communication with your children is the only thing that can make this transition easier. Iím sure you donít want to do anything thatís going to hurt your relationship with your children so please have an open conversation with them


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