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  • Scheduling activities on other parents time

    I am finding it difficult to find activities for kids to participate in that don't fall on ex's every other weekend. Does ex have a right to refuse kids participation because it infringes on his parenting time? Or is it Best Interest of the Children that they participate in activities that both parents are responsible to take on their respective weekends.

    Any suggestion on reaching a happy medium?

  • #2
    Your ex can legally do whatever he wants with the kids on his parenting time. That being said, refusing to take them to activities may not be in their best interests but is his prerogative. From what I have read your ex can be rather difficult to deal with. If there is any way you can talk about this with him that would be best. Perhaps you can ask him to choose an activity and tell him you will go along with whatever he chooses. You might need to do this to give him the feeling of having some control or say. Otherwise you’ll just have to pick an activity that only falls on your parenting time

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    • #3
      I really want to get S3 in swimming lessons. I feel its a life skill all children should have for safety reasons. Its just tough finding something during the week night evenings for his age group. Ex doesn't have a problem with him taking the lessons, as long as its on my time and dime I could still sign him up and he could do the every other Saturday but I would still have to pay for the Saturdays missed.

      Yes, my ex can be difficult especially when it comes to access and he holds it against me imo. Had we gone with his access schedule the kids would be with me every Saturday and we wouldn't have this issue. So somehow this is all my fault

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      • #4
        In my experience it’s best if the kids say “dad, I want to do ________, but at three that may not be possible.

        In my area swimming is cheap enough that if we miss half the lessons it’s not a big deal. At three, in opinion, the lessons are mostly about getting comfortable in the water, learning how to put your face in, float. Those are easily taught at any pool on your own time too.


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        • #5
          This will become a bigger issue as your kids grow up. Like other have said at three the lessons are about ease in water, not really about swimming and generally they are not that expensive, so I would still sign up child and take them when I can and if ex refuses there isnt much you can do about it. I would, more likely do in your case, is either find summer lessons which are generally either every day for 1 week or every day for two weeks, or a weekly lesson in the fall/winter/spring that is on a week day. I wouldnt want to pay for lessons that I know child will miss half of them.

          But as your child gets older you are going to be hard pressed to find activities that occur solely on weekdays. There will be a tournament, or a special girl guide cooking selling day, and lots of birthday parties, or what have you on weekends. by then your child will be old enough to say they want to go and resentful when they cant, and they soon be more resentful when they cant go just because parent doesnt feel like it, vs. because of actual reason they cant go because of a family event or something. so your ex will either soon learn to take child, or live with a resentful child.

          But no you cant make your ex take child to swimming lessons

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          • #6
            For what it’s worth... my husband’s ex was adamant they have in their agreement that he must take the kids to their activities on his time... his lawyer told him just to leave it in because it was an unenforceable clause that he didn’t technically have to follow. Especially because their was no obligation for his ex to make sure the kids didn’t miss activities on her time. If we have plans the kids do miss activities as they do with their mother... just a fact of life.

            What about private lessons if you really want your child to attend? I know they are a little more but they are often a certain day a week


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            • #7
              Thanks for the suggestions. This little guy loves the water, and is comfortable swimming with his puddle jumper on. I'll wait till he is a bit older and find an evening class. Money is too tight right now for private lessons or miss half of the lessons.

              I do feel that it is important that the children participate in activities within their community. It helps with their social skills to be around children who are in the main stream and they get to meet children in the neighbourhood as they don't attend local schools.

              Maybe its just the answer that I want to hear, but I like Berner Faith idea to add it to the agreement. I know its not enforceable, but it least its there and he will have to justify why he cant accommodate this.

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              • #8
                That is one of the nice aspects of the 5-5-2-2 custody schedule, you can sign up on weekdays even with zero cooperation from other side.

                My kids just miss every second thing, which is not a huge deal. They are unlikely to be Olympians, Broadway, or martial art superstars anyway.

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                • #9
                  Forgot to answer your question. Of course your ex has the right not to take them. Parents get to make parenting decisions during their parenting time. Activities are a core parenting decision.

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                  • #10
                    The hard part for kate is her ex doesn’t want to take the kids other than every other weekend and doesn’t want to pay for or do activities with them. Shes dealing with all the costs, schedule and organization which truly isn’t fair. If you aren’t even going to take an interest in your kids, at least try to help with activities. Its not like she is actively scheduling it on his (limited by choice) time or enrolling them in thousands of dollars of activities. Swimming lessons are a necessity for kids (in my opinion) and should be accommodated.

                    But to answer the question, no he can’t be forced to take them. See if there is another option. Some municipalities offer classes weekly at night or on off weeks.

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                    • #11
                      Rockscan, I dont mind covering the costs as long as its reasonable like a City Run or YMCA program and he doesnt miss half the lessons. I think its money well spent and I do now receive full child support. I'm going to teach him myself this year and get him into evening classes next year when he is older and more classes are available for his age group during the evening. The only ones I could find right now were on Saturdays.

                      I did have both kids in skating lessons on a Sunday last year and he did take them. He is bitter right now about the new access schedule and I think he is doing it to prove a point that his original access schedule works better, where I had the children every Saturday until 6:00 pm on his weekends.

                      Thanks for all the comments and suggestions, this Forum has saved me thousand in legal fees I dont even bother asking my lawyer anymore.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by youngdad91 View Post
                        I think you already knew your lawyer was going to laugh you out the door and docket you.


                        Your comments are neither fair or helpful. If you don’t have anything useful to say, don’t say anything.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by youngdad91 View Post
                          I think you already knew your lawyer was going to laugh you out the door and docket you.
                          No, I think she would have "taken" the money to fight for it And made my ex look like a Deadbeat.

                          Its posters like you that keep the Fathers Rights Movement stalled where it is. And posters like the rest of us, that keep treking on, and appreciate the advice.
                          Last edited by kate331; 07-03-2018, 06:49 PM. Reason: spelling

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                          • #14
                            The worst thing you could do is to involve the children and coach them.
                            its not coaching when the kids notice it themselves. No a three year old isnt going to do this but older kids most certainly will. a 10 year old notices when they are given a birthday party invitation and a parent says they cant go, or the soccer coach tells them there is a tournament and everyone is talking about it and they cant go. and they knoW the difference between cant go becasue its grandma's birthday, and cant go because I dont feel like taking you or watching your sport, we are going to stay home and watch TV all day.

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                            • #15
                              Agreed Denbign, the 3 year old has no clue. I do have a S7 (soon to be 8 in August), that is well aware he misses friends Birthday parties, its what they know and he is use to saying "No, I cant go because I'm at Dad's".

                              We are in the mists of planning an 8th Birthday Party in August, and my son keeps saying to me, "do you think so and so can come, or will they be with their Dad?". Its just their reality of separation and divorce.

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