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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #31  
Old 01-09-2016, 02:33 PM
Links17 Links17 is offline
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how come there is no alimony?
  #32  
Old 01-09-2016, 05:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
I think a material change is more than that but anyways it's not that huge of a deal with long weekends. Sure it would be nice, but you have 50-50. If you had 40 or under I could see this being an issue but in reality to bring this to court would be a waste. Something like this I would request from the ex, if she refuses, you request again next long weekend. We all know there will be some bigger fish to fry as time goes on and that's when you can bring up the issue of long weekends.

I am sure you are just thrilled for 50-50 and won't let something like a long weekend ruin that for you.
Actually, one issue we haven't had is switching and trading for fair long weekends. So I'll remain optimistic for now that it all continues. Last exchange ex texted that she'd like to talk for a few minutes. She shook my hand and we talked about moving forward in a positive fashion. We talked about looking at schools together, etc. (She also let me know that she has no lease and is on month-to-month). So it all seems positive at the moment and it feels good.

Having said that I'll still always have my guard up ... but I'm giving the benefit of the doubt right now. I follow the order...remain civil and enjoy life.

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I am sure you are just thrilled for 50-50 and won't let something like a long weekend ruin that for you
lol....not at all. I have 50/50 equal time and shared custody. She doesn't get one more minute than me. I remember the days I saw her 3 hours/week while fighting the false allegations.

I'm on cloud 9 right now. Remember, even if I had long weekends figured out I'm sure there would be posters who could find other issues with the outcome. I say ... let them. I'm happy!! :-)

Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-09-2016 at 05:59 PM.
  #33  
Old 01-09-2016, 07:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Actually, one issue we haven't had is switching and trading for fair long weekends. So I'll remain optimistic for now that it all continues. Last exchange ex texted that she'd like to talk for a few minutes. She shook my hand and we talked about moving forward in a positive fashion. We talked about looking at schools together, etc. (She also let me know that she has no lease and is on month-to-month). So it all seems positive at the moment and it feels good.

Having said that I'll still always have my guard up ... but I'm giving the benefit of the doubt right now. I follow the order...remain civil and enjoy life.
I think maybe without the legal aid lawyer guy fueling her, she may calm down and start to be reasonable. He was probably advising her not to give an inch with you no matter what. Without that bug in her ear, she may listen to reason now. She probably found him intimidating!

Sounds like he was 100% hardass "go for it all!" while the money lasted, then shrugged and abandoned her when it ran out. It wouldn't surprise me at all if he foresaw this from the beginning, knew he would lose at trial because of the nature of the case and his opponent (you), but behaved in such a way as to use up all the money before then. If you caved in before the money ran out, great for him and his client, and if it made it all the way to trial, great for him too, he wrung the max amount of money out of the situation.

As for school, now that the lawyer is out of the picture, try suggesting to your ex that D4 be enrolled in your area, as your residence and employment are far more permanent than hers. Assure her it can be revisited once she gets a job and a lease and you know where her home will be and what her work hours are.

I assume this settlement means you can't go for costs though. Too bad!
  #34  
Old 01-09-2016, 10:25 PM
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- Alternate weekends from Friday after school until Monday before school
- Every Monday and Thursday from after school until next morning with mom
- Every Tuesday and Wednesday from after school until the next mornign with her father

I just looked again at your new daily/weekly schedule. I don't see many trips to Quebec happening.

As for long weekends with a Monday holiday. If you get kidlet after school Friday, then keep her for the holiday Monday, you would be taking her to school Tuesday morning, then picking her up there again for your Tuesday and Wednesday night. I don't see Mom agreeing to the long weekend.
  #35  
Old 01-15-2016, 12:57 PM
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The women's resource center where my ex is taking D4 to see a "witness counselor for domestic violence" replied to my letter to them.

It basically states that they do not require the father's consent (only one parent's consent is required) because the therapy does not include "medical" or "life altering" decisions.

I guess I'm still a tad confused on the legalities of children receiving therapy without the consent of both parents. All I've ever asked is that if D4 had to speak with anybody that it be somebody certified and qualified ... not the same person who asked her to record the household for 9 months, assisting in an abduction that was not warranted, etc. I don't want D4 near that obviously.

What are the exact laws/statues on this. D4 needs a break from CAS workers, OCLWorkers and in my view"especially"... these victim mom's advocates. There was no abuse (Ex even came clean in LAO SC and aid there was none)....so why a witness counselor.....and why the heck do I still not have any say? Is the center right that I have no say as the joint parent?
  #36  
Old 01-15-2016, 03:02 PM
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If the therapy was just posturing for custody then I imagine it won't last long now that custody is settled.
  #37  
Old 01-15-2016, 03:22 PM
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Throughout this ordeal I've learned how unprepared some agencies are to deal with individuals who swindle up stories to get their hands on custody and as any freebies as possible.

I just want to ensure that I have a say in the future about D4 being dragged to women's shelter witness counselor's instead of certified child psych's

... because this agency has sent me a letter indicating that I do not in fact have a say...only mom does.
  #38  
Old 01-15-2016, 03:30 PM
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Just a thought but if this witness counselor is not a certified counselor than they probably don't have to follow the same rules as certified counselors. Just because they may have taken a couple courses doesn't make them certified. You also have to understand this is a women's shelter, even though there was no abuse in your case there are women there who have been subjected to abuse and as such the shelter isn't going to seek out permission from the dads. That is the opposite of what the shelter is trying to help the women with,

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  #39  
Old 01-15-2016, 04:07 PM
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I could go seek out unqualified "Women who beat their children" witness counselors at men's resource ctr's to speak with D4 about whatever .... even though ex didn't beat D4. But why would I? And more importantly, would that be in D4's best interest?

As most of you know I'm in the psychological field and am fully aware that these private sessions can in fact have life long devastating effects on a child....especially when they arn't qualified to be discussing moods, etc.

It's just hard to fathom that I have zero say in it. (Or so the women's shelter says)
  #40  
Old 01-15-2016, 05:27 PM
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with an undefined, vague separation agreement in place you will likely have to negotiate these sorts of things with your ex going forward. When the time is right perhaps you can have discussion with her and attempt to set up some 'house rules' regarding consulting with each other and/or referrals to counsellors in the future. I think you are just at the beginning of things and will, in time, learn how to communicate with each other about these sorts of things. Future holds lots of issues you will have to stumble around.
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