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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #61  
Old 02-11-2015, 06:45 PM
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MrToronto MrToronto is offline
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LF32 you are being given a gift by OP, the gift of "change in circimstaces" that warrants the need to change the previous Order

Special Occassions...the days Goldilocks refuses to acknowledge or work with you on as a mature reasonable parent thinking only of thier child's best interests

I've seen case law where a Judge has to play the parent and set out every dam occassion for the real parents

Just like Goldilocks violation of the 3 hour Consent Order she is technically denying you anything but the minimum under the Motion Order.

You got what you asked for at the Motion unsupervised access and a schedule.

Would you have known how things would go ...you may of had more detail on the access.

SC Judge gave time to get some access done...(take the MOTION ORDER for a test drive) and hopefully the parties work things out....and go away forever.

TEST Drive is hitting some speed bumps....from Goldilocks

Try to get one more "rejection" on a occassion that one would expect reasonable parents to accomadate for the child

-screwed you on B-Day (one hour?)
- rejected family reunion for gandparent
-casused conflict at XMAS
-rejected valentines
...March Break?
...look ahead to D3's B-Day or your B-day or your mom's or church good friday... see where the dates fall and work them in nicely (to be rejected in advance)

Goldilocks will run out off answers (always in Quebec) when pressed at the shear number of rejections.

hope u see where I'm going.

You either need a new ORDER with every special date laid out.....or the parent that is most likely to look out for D3's best interest gets Custody.

Just one more iron in the fire (12 balls to juggle)
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  #62  
Old 02-11-2015, 08:11 PM
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LovingFather32 LovingFather32 is offline
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Yes .. I suppose I can see them as gifts (the denials). It hurts bad but at least my child isn't abducted at the moment. That nearly killed me.

Mr T. ..

- I didn't get D3 tt all on my b-day (LAO sent letter saying Id be partying).
July 18th. Think I was on ODF all night. lol

- She denied Easter, reunions, D3's b-day, only allowed 3 hours on fathers day. Now Valentine's, Family Day .. and we'll see about March break (request sent).

I got communication book.

1. Ex says D3 told her I dont buckle the bottom buckle on the car seat because its too tight.

"Daddy .. know what mommy said? If you don't buckle the bottom buckle then you're a bad daddy"

Seriously? OF COURSE I buckle all the buckles. My god .. I would never do otherwise. This is disgusting. Bad daddy? That's what she said to her?

2. Ex is still going on about D3 sleping with D8. THEY DONT for god sakes. Ex says:

"D3 told me that you told her I'd be mad if I knew she was sleeping with D3. If sleeping with D8 is the only way she is comfortable there than I don't mind. I'm not mad. I just want her to be happy when she's there".

HOLY CRAP ... D3 sleeps by her lonesome every night. They read books and D8 goes to her room. This is getting crazy.

She also said that all the issues (didn't name them) are still going on in her home and that D3 would benefit from the group counseling.

I hate this communication book. It's just a way for her to write crap and photocopy her concerns for judges.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 02-11-2015 at 08:30 PM. Reason: spelling
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  #63  
Old 02-11-2015, 08:50 PM
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I would suggest that you re-examine what the 'communication book' is supposed to accomplish.

It seems to me that this book is now being used as a pre-trial positioning tool. She is desperately trying to drag you into an argument. I wouldn't respond to any of her comments.
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  #64  
Old 02-12-2015, 12:15 AM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
...I hate this communication book. It's just a way for her to write crap and photocopy her concerns for judges.
When we used "communication" book, I thought it was the harassment book. Nothing child focused was written by ex. Just pages of accusations, trying to suck me into responding like an idiot. I dreaded checking the book to see what New accusation she came up with. Eventually ex "lost" the book, later saying she was holding onto it for evidence. Your ex is probably trying the same.

You don't have to always respond immediately.

If it's nonsense, ignore it. Completely. Then only respond/write about child focused stuff. You'll drive her nuts that way.

If you feel the need to respond to a nonsense issue, write:

- thank you for communicating your view of this issue to me.
(Leave it at that).

Your ex has nothing. So her "nothing" doesn't warrant more than that.

You could say, "I don't observe such behaviour here, but thanks for letting me know. Why do you think D3 thinks that?"
Your ex will probably accuse you and dump on you...in the book, for judge to see.
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  #65  
Old 02-12-2015, 12:24 AM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
...
- She denied Easter, reunions, D3's b-day, only allowed 3 hours on fathers day. Now Valentine's, Family Day .. and we'll see about March break...
That will be good for you. Shows who is not thinking about D3. Shows why total shared custody and laid-out access arrangment is needed in future order.
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  #66  
Old 02-12-2015, 04:29 AM
Beachnana Beachnana is offline
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Ok, so my grandson is 3 and he is darn smart and very talkative. Picks up on everything. But what your ex is writing in this book is BS. 3 years do not really understand time and place. They will tell you they had soup for lunch when they actually had a sandwich. They cannot remember what they did that day but will tell you about something that occured last week.

I do not think a judge will give much importance to this dialogue. I do not think you should say much except things like " d3 had a great day, night, weekend. She was coughing so a bit last night. Might want to keep an eye on that. ".

" shoes were tight so bought some new ones she chose them!"

I would not respond to her BS.
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  #67  
Old 02-12-2015, 09:29 AM
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On this one:

Daddy .. know what mommy said? If you don't buckle the bottom buckle then you're a bad daddy"

When D3 says things like this ask her...Do you think I'm a good daddy? Let her tell you why? And when she is done you say you know what sweety that all that matters is that you know I'm a good daddy.

Just a suggestion and others may not see it as a good idea.

Invite the OP for a home tour, for a coffee/tea party for 30 mins. with D3. Let D3 lead the tour and let D3 talk about her routine. She is taking what D3 is saying or what she is making D3 say the reality with the stupid comms book.

You have to find ways to crush the negative with positive reality and actions that are part of D3 day to day life when she is whith you.

Only a suggestion...GM
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  #68  
Old 02-12-2015, 09:43 AM
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Remember what I said about unicorns and rainbows? Ya remember that. The ex can write whatever she wants in that book just like she said whatever she wanted about you to anyone who would listen.

She is a liar. She lies. She fabricates. Dont engage. Ignore it. Write what happens at your house truthfully. A judge will see through her just like they did before. Yes it hurts. Yes you hate it. Yes its unfair. Dont fight fire with fire.
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  #69  
Old 02-12-2015, 10:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
2. Ex is still going on about D3 sleping with D8. THEY DONT for god sakes. Ex says:

"D3 told me that you told her I'd be mad if I knew she was sleeping with D3. If sleeping with D8 is the only way she is comfortable there than I don't mind. I'm not mad. I just want her to be happy when she's there".

HOLY CRAP ... D3 sleeps by her lonesome every night. They read books and D8 goes to her room. This is getting crazy.
Haha, your ex puts so much spin on things it's a wonder she's not the Tasmanian Devil. "Poor child hates it so much at Daddy's house that she has to sleep with the other child, but see, I'm such a good mom that I'm okay with that if it's what she has to do to survive over there."

YOUR spin on this is that it's unfortunate that the situation your ex created puts pressure on the child to tell your ex what the child thinks she wants to hear instead of the truth. This works for the carseat buckle too, and probably most if not all other situations.

The child feels rewarded by Mommy when she criticizes Daddy. Your ex is on high alert for anything she can use to win custody from you. So the child makes stuff up to get that good attention from Mommy.

Just address all this crap in one blanket statement to the judge that the child needs a permanent stable schedule with equal time between each parent so she no longer feels the pressure your ex is exerting on her to only like Mommy.

Meanwhile, you may want to keep assuring your daughter that both her parents love her even though they don't like each other anymore. She doesn't have to choose between you, and she should always feel she can tell each of you the truth.
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  #70  
Old 02-12-2015, 11:16 AM
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arabian arabian is offline
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IT's pretty apparent that the communication book, and your daughter, are merely manipulative tools at your ex's disposal. Not much you can do with your ex feeding crap into your daughter's mind but you can indeed stop using the book or reiterate the purpose of the book that the two of you decided upon when you started to use it? (the ground rules)

The challenge will be how to discourage a 3 year-old from unknowingly being an active participant in gossip about the mother. You know your ex is likely grilling D3 about the time she spends at your place.

A response to a 3 year old's statement that not doing the seatbelt up would make you a bad daddy could be turned into a fun moment - "I'm a great daddy!" "If I didn't do up the seat belt D3 would fly away and we don't want D3 to fly away do we?" "I'm a great daddy"

About the sleeping arrangement: "Maybe we should all sleep together... all the neighbours and the people at the church and the people at the school.... what a big bed we would have!" Incorporate some abstract thinking?

Make it funny. Now if your ex wants to make a big deal about it she will truly come off like a certifiable nut-job.
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