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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #501  
Old 04-08-2015, 05:46 PM
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LovingFather32 LovingFather32 is offline
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Im not looking for conflict. Im doing what I felt was right and not putting pressure on D3 at this sensitive time. I seemed to have sparked some emotions here and for that I apologize. I'm doing what a few professionals (school psychologist) and my Parentng After Separation course has suggested to do. These ppl do not find it a "high conflict" behavior and have much support behind their views.
I could care less who's right and who's wrong. In fact ex hasn't even brought it up to me.

Nonetheless I asked for the forums opinion on the matter and Im glad I did so. Always valued. Thank you.

LF32

Last edited by LovingFather32; 04-08-2015 at 05:49 PM.
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  #502  
Old 04-08-2015, 05:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
How would you feel if child started to call a bf of the ex daddy? How would you handle that?
If she wasn't forced or coached to do it then it is what it is. In fact it would be nice for D3 to be close enough to somebody to call them that. She knows who her real dad is .. just like she knows who her real mom is. Additionally, when her "other" daddy comes in to the picture the co-sleeping with ex will stop. All sorts of benefits really.
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  #503  
Old 04-08-2015, 06:15 PM
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Some of us have also been on the other side - e.g. at one point BF's daughter wanted to call me "Mom" or "Stepmom". I (diplomatically) kiboshed that one - said that I was honoured she felt close to me, but I was her grownup friend, not her mom or stepmom, so using my first name was appropriate. I knew that BF's daughter's (real) Mom would go ballistic if she heard about this, and nobody needs more drama.
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  #504  
Old 04-08-2015, 06:28 PM
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I immediately said that my g/f's name is _____. Not her mommy.
D3 kept repeating that she wanted to call her it. Instead of making her upset that she couldn't call her it I decided that D3 could call her what she felt comfortable.

Trust me .. I want nooooooo drama. My god thats so far from what I want.
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  #505  
Old 04-08-2015, 06:30 PM
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I echo other's opinion that you should address this sooner rather than later.

It is apparent that you have a good thing going on at home right now (new family). However, there is no separation or custody agreement, and having one's daughter call the g/f mommy might come off as a tad desperate or misleading. And yes, it can look somewhat retaliative to those who don't know the details of your situation (teachers, judges, church members). YOU know you didn't coach her into saying this but others don't know. All they know is that you are going through a tumultuous child custody battle.
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  #506  
Old 04-08-2015, 06:39 PM
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Yea I can see how it might look.

D3 wants to call her it. Almost adamant. Very odd. Almost as if ex wants her to call her it to document it. Honestly .. it's just an odd situation that I need to rectify. I guess I tell D3 that she can not call g/f mommy at all then huh? Despite making her feel upset, etc.
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  #507  
Old 04-08-2015, 06:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Yea I can see how it might look.

D3 wants to call her it. Almost adamant. Very odd. Almost as if ex wants her to call her it to document it. Honestly .. it's just an odd situation that I need to rectify. I guess I tell D3 that she can not call g/f mommy at all then huh? Despite making her feel upset, etc.
YES.

D3 might be upset in the short term because you've told her she can't do what she wants to do, but the long-term benefit of keeping all the relationships straight outweighs it.
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  #508  
Old 04-08-2015, 06:47 PM
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I'd suggest to maybe go to the library and see what sort of children's books are available. If you can find an appropriate book use it as a prop and talk to her about it both with and without your girlfriend present. Then I think it might be important for your girlfriend and anyone else who is part of her daily life to reinforce things (appropriate name).

Sounds as though your daughter is an intelligent little girl and she should grasp the concept easily. Kind of a right vs. wrong thing. Might also be helpful to talk about peoples feelings and how it's not right to do things that will make other people sad (such as the ex).

That's my old-time 2 cent input.
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  #509  
Old 04-08-2015, 07:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Yea I can see how it might look.

D3 wants to call her it. Almost adamant. Very odd. Almost as if ex wants her to call her it to document it. Honestly .. it's just an odd situation that I need to rectify. I guess I tell D3 that she can not call g/f mommy at all then huh? Despite making her feel upset, etc.
there is going to be lots of stuff that D3 will want to do in the future, are you going to give her free rein to do what she wants so she doesn't get upset??? That's a cop out, being a parent means setting boundries for kids, not matter how upset they may get.
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  #510  
Old 04-08-2015, 07:04 PM
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Was just following advice from a licensed psychologist and my parenting after divorce course. Cop out schmopout. Not what it is. If D3 wants to shoot her heroin in the future I won't say...whatever makes you comfortable hunny. Lmao

I want conflict...I'm a cop out....sometimes this forum I tell ya. ...lol

Arabian....good advice

Last edited by LovingFather32; 04-08-2015 at 07:08 PM.
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