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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 10-10-2005, 02:53 PM
Ladybug Ladybug is offline
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We're finishing up mediation. I've been a stay-at-home mom for the past 4 1/2 years. Our kids are very young (3 and 4 1/2). At first, my ex wanted 50/50. The mediator and I explained that they were just too young for this. So he's agreed to 60/40. Now, the problem is that he now wants me to agree to 50/50 as of next summer. I'm not willing to make any promises because I really feel strongly about seeing how the kids react to 60/40 first. I want to bring in a child psychologist or mediator for a non-biased opinion on their adjustment before we even look at 50/50. My ex doesn't want this. He feels threatened. Eventually, I want it to be 50/50 but I think they are too young right now. The problem is that, my ex is bullying me by saying that he's willing to pay me full child support for 6 months beyond our switch to 50/50. For me, the money is irrelevant.... I just want what's best for the kids.

Also, I'm curious about other's parenting schedules. I want a predictable schedule that's the same from week to week but with longer stays (4-5 days). He wants something that's all over the place but shorter stays (2-3 days). We're having trouble agreeing on what's best for our young kids. I want stability for them and he wants to see them often without much stability.

Last edited by Jeff; 10-17-2005 at 09:34 AM.
  #2  
Old 10-10-2005, 03:18 PM
New_Beginning New_Beginning is offline
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Hi Ladybug -- I have a totally different problem... my ex will not see our DD. (who is 5, we are going thru the process for 2 month) She keeps calling him everyday...and telling him how much she misses him ..and when can she see him... It breaks my heart to see her this way.... that idiot is getting back to me by torturing her....

Not sure what can I do....so she can see her dad every other weekend... I strongly beleive that every kids need to see their dad....
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Old 10-11-2005, 09:55 AM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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I am no expert but it appears that you are of a tender years position. This doctrine is not law and is biased. Its ironic to say that the children are 100% when they are able to spend 60% with yourself and unable to spend 50% with the other parent. Your position is speculative that the children can not handle it. Children can handle more than you think. Also from the age of your children they will be starting school within the next year or two. Will they not be able to handle this as well. If they can handle 40%, they can handle 50%.
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Old 10-11-2005, 09:57 AM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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There is no law to compel a parent to see and visit their children and for that matter sustain a relationship. Talk to your former spouse and encourage the relationship. Thats all you can do.
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Old 10-11-2005, 10:09 AM
CatvsLion CatvsLion is offline
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I agree that this saying has to go out the window. My x is trying to give me this line as well but our 16 month old spends all day with a daycare. (the daycare see's our daughter more then we do) But yet it's not good for our daughter to spend more time with her father. My situation is a little different as our daughter can't talk (much) yet. Right now I see my daughter 30/70 and I get laughed at when I say I want 50/50. My daughter went from seeing me everyday and me putting her to bed every night to eventually our draft agreement of 30/70 - apparently that shock wasn't bad for her but to increase my time to 50/50 is going to be too hard on her.

I think you see what I'm saying... but I don't see the logic in going from every day of seeing each other to hardly any then build up again. Isn't that more of a shock then to try and keep the time close to what it was? Now being with younger children I'd think they'd get use to this easier growing up with it instead of changing their routine later. Also, in terms of stability - true it's hard on our children to be shuffled around, but what's harder - staying with mom and dad in different places and getting use to that or not seeing mom or dad for a long period of time?
  #6  
Old 10-14-2005, 03:31 PM
Richard Martinez Richard Martinez is offline
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hi after 17 years my wife wants a devorce she said she sorry but she cant help the way she feels we have a two children one boy one girl both teens that want to live w/me i work cook clean and take them places schools, dances, churchs, partys etc,,,,,,,, i am there life.......... My wife makes herself so busy she only has time to do the thing she want to do she makes more money than me and said the kids are living with her and wants me out we rent the house and i mosly pay the rent i have made it a home for may family. do i have to leave i told her if she dont like it her for her to leave and i will take the kids do i have a chance!!!!! HELP ANYONE
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Old 10-14-2005, 08:43 PM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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Reply to Richard Martinez

Not sure where you are living but most jurisdictions have similar laws.

BOTH parents are equally entitled to custody. The merits of custody of children use the best interest test such as listed below.

The best interest of the child determines where the child will live and which parent will have custody. In determining the best interests of a child:

a) the love, affection and emotional ties between the child and,

b) each person entitled to or claiming custody of or access to the child,

c) other members of the child’s family who reside with the child, and

d) persons involved in the care and upbringing of the child;

e) the views and preferences of the child, where such views and preferences can reasonably be ascertained;

f) the length of time the child has lived in a stable home environment;

g) the ability and willingness of each person applying for custody of the child to provide the child with guidance and education, the necessaries of life and any special needs of the child;

h) any plans proposed for the care and upbringing of the child;

i) the permanence and stability of the family unit with which it is proposed that the child will live; and

j) the relationship by blood or through an adoption order between the child and each person who is a party to the application.

Another consideration is who was and is the primary caregiver during the course of the relationship of the children.

Further, consideration may be given to the effort and attitude of the custodial parent that facilitates and maximizes contact of the children with the non custodial parent.

I don't think she can force you to leave. DO NOT leave without the children because if you do you are essentially giving the other person defacto custody. Courts generally do not interrupt the status quo if everything is going well.
  #8  
Old 10-15-2005, 03:16 PM
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New Beginning...there are lots of support groups in the GTA that can help your daughter with dealing with "abandonment" issues.
Not sure what is in your area but if you call the YWCA, they will have connections...
For those of you with older children, ask about "Rainbows" in the school systems.
  #9  
Old 10-15-2005, 07:13 PM
Richard Martinez Richard Martinez is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by logicalvelocity
Reply to Richard Martinez

Not sure where you are living but most jurisdictions have similar laws.

BOTH parents are equally entitled to custody. The merits of custody of children use the best interest test such as listed below.

The best interest of the child determines where the child will live and which parent will have custody. In determining the best interests of a child:

a) the love, affection and emotional ties between the child and,

b) each person entitled to or claiming custody of or access to the child,

c) other members of the child’s family who reside with the child, and

d) persons involved in the care and upbringing of the child;

e) the views and preferences of the child, where such views and preferences can reasonably be ascertained;

f) the length of time the child has lived in a stable home environment;

g) the ability and willingness of each person applying for custody of the child to provide the child with guidance and education, the necessaries of life and any special needs of the child;

h) any plans proposed for the care and upbringing of the child;

i) the permanence and stability of the family unit with which it is proposed that the child will live; and

j) the relationship by blood or through an adoption order between the child and each person who is a party to the application.

Another consideration is who was and is the primary caregiver during the course of the relationship of the children.

Further, consideration may be given to the effort and attitude of the custodial parent that facilitates and maximizes contact of the children with the non custodial parent.

I don't think she can force you to leave. DO NOT leave without the children because if you do you are essentially giving the other person defacto custody. Courts generally do not interrupt the status quo if everything is going well.
thank you very much ! FOR FOR YOUR FAST RESPONCE !
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