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Old 10-22-2009, 02:02 PM
dadforlife dadforlife is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: South of Ottawa
Posts: 65
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After reasoning with my ex to do whats best for the kids, week on week off and splitting assets 50/50 something happened. Her mother and her best friend in crime interfered and I now find my self in court with a custody case. During our relationship things were rocky at best . I wasn't the best husband nor was she a roll model as a parent. I attribut this to our upbringing. Seeing our relationship was going down the drain I maned up and entered an anger management course. I came out a new man. My assesement said I set the tone for disclosure took full responsibility for my actions and show I had the knowlege and understanding to manage my issues. My counselor is giving me praise for the level of maturity i've achieved because of my facing my worst fear in life wich were my insecurities and learned how to deal with them. I spent the last 2 years trying to reason in an adult and mature way to settle our diffrences, but to no avail. She refused to get the help she admited she needed, relied on her mother who was absent when she grew up, by choice, and listen to her best friend who in turn is addicted to medecinal drugs. My ex due to her upbringing is seriously lacking in confidence witch is why she relies on her mom and friends advice and I can empathise with it.

But her is my problem. I spent my parent life raising my kids 80% of the time while she would attend her friends needs or her parents callings. this got me upset and in turn I would call her bad names and stuff. I love my kids to death, they have ALWAYS been my priority in life, I would take them to the majority of their actvities while mom was at school or moms or her friends place. To the point where my kids would ask me where's mom again, did I mention they are 9 and 11. Last May She decided she had enough and left for the second time after I asked her if her mother could restrain from coming to my place because she would verbaly assault me in front of my kids and only when the kids would be there. She said she would never choose me over her mother. She left a few day after with the kids. this broke my heart. After meeting with the childrens aid we agreed to a 50/50 split on everything even the kids. The following week the kids never got of the bus at my place. Thats when I learned I had been dupped, she had gone back on our agreement and got the kids by defacto.

Since then my kids have been unhappy with where they live, they have to get up at 4:45 am to be driven to her best friends place as their sitters, Yes the addicted one, the only time they see their friends is when they are with me every other weekend, witch takes time way from me and them but I am a good DAD and I am willing to suffer to give them normal kids life, you know kids miss their freinds, and are not doing very good in school because they are tired all the time. But she refuses to acknowledge any harm she is doing to the kids. Yes she may not realise what her actions are causing because of strong outside inflence. She claims that I am unfit to be a parent even though she admited to the mediator that I was a very good father.

I am worried after reading several posts that even with the credentials from my anger management counselor, letter from my doctor and my personal therapist that all state I am not only a perfectly good Father, I am as sane as they come, she will play the victim role and get custody of my preciouse children. She has acused me of everything from being a psyco to a drug kingpin in my area. At best we were recreational smokers.

I feel absolutly powerless in helping my children in their time of need. She will not respect their needs or opinions. They want to see me just as much as they want to see their mom, they have told her they want one week one week but she refuses. Everone in my circle of support, and I don't now what I would do without that support, say the kids realise what is happening and eventualy will rebel against her some how. But I don't want that because I understand the importance of both parents in a kids life. She unfortunately doesn't understand that, groing up only with her dad who in turn didn't have his priorities strait and I see how it's affected her.

I am confused,scared sad, frustrated and I am wondering whats going to happen. Don't now who to trust. She can have everything we own I just want the kids one week on on week off.

Thanks for listening
Old 10-22-2009, 05:02 PM
canniiee canniiee is offline
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I'm am SO SORRY, for what your going through Who are the kids with now primarily, what is the situation with them(I didn't really catch that from your post).

Is there any sort of agreement in writing?

From my experience, nothing you've done in the past, unless it directly harmed or neglected the children can be brought against you, my friend went through similar accusations from his ex and had his first case conference and the judge still looked at the mother the whole time and was like "what is your problem, why can't he have the kid 50/50"

If you have doctors and psychologists who will vouch for you and if you successfully finished anger management that will look good on your part. I think you should get a lawyer, and review your options. Be the bigger person, try not to throw too much mud at her and keep it all about the kids, always insist that you want 50/50 as it is best for both parents to be involved etc...
Old 10-22-2009, 07:12 PM
dadforlife dadforlife is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: South of Ottawa
Posts: 65
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I have the kids every second weekend, they live with their mother who is using a faulse address to keep the kids in school as per our intrim agreement. Witch is why they have to get up so early in the morning, she start work at 6am. they are not to pleased with their mom for preventing them from seing their freinds. She has promised them many times sleepovers but alwaye goes back on her promises. This is true because my daughters best friends mom is freinds with my ex and she is not impress by her actions.

Other than the kids witnessing mutual abuse towards each other witch is terrible in its self, reminds me of how I grew up and the pain I felt when my parents argued and is the reason I took anger management. I have never touched in an abusive way,hit, verbaly abused the kids in any way. I have a letter from the anger management counselor stating that I set the tone for discloser and the way I candidly spoke about the way I was abusing helped others to open up and created an open atmospher in the groupe , from my Doctor and a letter from my personal counselor giving me praise for the changes I have made in my life. I am proud of those achievments but I still don't get to see my kids.
I know I cant changer her but it still hurts me that my kids are going thru this mess.

it would be easy for me to be angry at her but for now I chose to se it as her way of dealing with her anger towards me and her own insecurities. but I am not willing to risk my childrens mental and physical well being. I will sell the whole farm if I have to so I can get them 50/50. The onus is on me to prove that I am a good father to the courts. But thoses uncertainties are tearing me apart

Last edited by dadforlife; 10-22-2009 at 07:17 PM. Reason: adding
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