Ottawa Divorce .com Forums

mafia007 · #1 11-16-2021, 03:25 PM

Here we go again. After going into the last thread with the issues on access, I had decided to meet with a lawyer and discuss my case as new evidence showed up in January 2019. So in the Fall of 2019, we decided to serve the other party with a Motion to change for several issues (the Ex not following the final order in place and being difficult in exchanging financial disclosure) and mostly on the delicate question of Parental Alienation.

Throughout the period of May 2018 to recently, there is a lot of new evidence that would support the claim for PA. Also, a lot to demonstrate that the ex had just done nothing to encourage a relationship between father and child. Over that, the siblings being very loyal to their mother and alienating their little sister as well.

Case conference in May 2020, waste of time and only to move forward to next step. Settlement conference in August 2020, the judge ordered an assessment from a clinician mandated by the OCL and stated that this will be heard by way of a trial. The report came back last January 2021 as incomplete because there was no way for the clinician to observe the child with her dad as no access was occuring. No recommendations were made but they could only express the voice of the child. Trial conference in May 2021, not much but to confirm that we do not agree and a trial is still needed. Learn that S21 and D19 will be testifying against me, for their mother. CAS will be testifying on my side. OCL clinician should also be attending and testifying on the incomplete report.

Awaiting trial. Thought it was going to be held this Fall but now it's most likely to happen in the Winter of 2022.

The funny part is that they know we're going to trial and I keep receiving selfish and denigrated messages from D19 showing that there is a lot of tension on the other side. Well they had over 3 years to work it out at their end.

During that whole time, I've been reading a lot on PA and I was able to gather a lot with my lawyer to plead on that subject even though it's very difficult. I am to meet with someone specialize in PA, to go through my case in preparation on this delicate topic.

rockscan · #2 11-16-2021, 06:06 PM

Like I said in the other thread, keep us posted. It will be interesting to see if courts make any move on this.

The saddest part is judges KNOW. But they do nothing. How fucking hard is it to find someone in contempt and charge them $1500? Second strike they spend a weekend in jail. This seems to be the biggest problem with cases�dragging the kids in.

My husband�s agreement has an actual clause in it that neither party will speak despairingly about the other party in front of the kids or allow others to do so. His kids were TOLD so many lies about him and the divorce and then they got shit said about me when we got serious. Yet there was one time ONE TIME that he let his frustration get the better of him where he responded to the garbage they were parroting and he got a nasty email from his ex.

When they were in court a couple of years ago, his ex was blasted by the judge for her bullshit and his kid even submitted an affidavit about him and the judge called her on it outlining what he would ask of the kid in cross examination and STILL nothing. Now his kids have added �the judge felt sorry for you� to their basket of bullshit.

His lawyer said he has fired clients for pulling anything remotely related to this and he pressed the ex�s lawyer on the lack of communication.

It�s truly terrible and I empathize with any parent who has been cut off from their kids. I have watched my husband cry, sleep walk, break down with the shakes over it. He constantly says he didn�t divorce his kids. And why? Because his ex felt he should be punished for not skulking away without his share of their 20 years of assets.

I�m truly angry over this bs and if your case makes one little ripple of change I will raise a glass to you. Maybe even send you a bottle of bubbly to celebrate yourself!!

mafia007 · #3 11-17-2021, 02:01 PM

I am not expecting much from the outcome of this. My children are already too old (S21, D19 and D14) and the damages are irreversible. But since the final order, there is too many incidents that occured which I have kept a copy of the evidence and were filed with the court. I just want to see what the judge is going to say about it. The fact that D19 is asking me why I want a copy of her school program, registration and grades as it's not of my business when actually, it is by order and right now, I'm probably paying CS for nothing as I don't have a proof that she is attending school... all this must stop. I know a judge won't force a relationship but they must do something with a child (and an ex-spouse) with such a bad behavior.

And if not because of PA, has she voluntarily repudiated her relationship with me? Why? How come? For what kind of f**ing BS your mother had pushed into your head for you standing on that position now only after the breakup?

The other thing, I want something to be decided for D14 NOW for when she will turn 18. I don't need to show that I have tried over 4 years from now until she reach the age of 18 that I want a relationship with her. That's why we're in court and I want a relation right now. I'm open, my door is open, my arms are wide open... they are the one who keeps on saying they don't want anything with me. So if that's the case, when she turns 18 and she still don't want contact with me with no f**ing apparent reasons then she would had voluntarily repudiated her relationship with me and that's it.

Why the court is always putting the onus on the rejected parent to show that he had made several attempts and efforts to keep contact with his child? At this point, after 7 years of battle, after this upcoming trial in winter 2022, why I must still demontrate that I am trying to have a relation with D14 until 2024? Why will I keep asking to see her when I know the answer is no? Why will I keep requesting for a visit during the Holidays? Why will I keep sending letters every months during the next 4 years when I know it will be hopeless? Can't the court realize that having our requests to see our children ignored are as painful as having our parenting time denied?

Why if i don't do anything of those during the next 4 years, why are we gonna say that I didn't try? Why I cannot just shout �I'm always open, anytime you feel ready to meet just let me know� and let her decide for the future? I haven't done enough?

rockscan · #4 11-17-2021, 03:58 PM

You�re correct on most of what you said. But there are some big things right now.

If your 19 yo is not in school you should not be paying support for her. If you are not with enforcement (ie FRO), stop paying. Mom will get you proof pretty quick. If you are with FRO (or similar) you need to file a formal request for disclosure. They should be providing a record of enrollment at the very least. Transcripts to prove she�s not failing every term. And it should not be your daughter giving you this. Your ex is receiving support, she is the one you deal with.

As for D14�you could request an order for reunification therapy as relief. Otherwise there is nothing. You have to pay support for her whether the relationship is broken down or not. My husband learned this. Fighting to stop it is more money than the cost to pay and you would lose. You could get an order saying cs stops at 18 unless you receive proof she is in a meaningful program of study and the ex is ordered to provide proof and transcripts.

This is what sucks for paying parents and leads to stupid fights. My husbands ex danced around for three weeks providing receipts for kids first year of school. It was such monumental bullshit but it was because she �estimated� costs. Then it went on for two more years including court. Even then she refused to provide full documents and instead filed all these government studies on student diets (!!!). The judge at their motion ordered her to provide everything she had or face dismissal. She finally did.

Now he has another year to pay support for a kid who told him they didnt need a father. Thank god the money goes automatically to avoid a monthly reminder!

arbortrail22 · #5 11-17-2021, 04:07 PM

"As for D14�you could request an order for reunification therapy as relief."

Is this an easy order to get granted? Any thoughts on the proof needed to support this? If there are no prior therapy records, etc.

mafia007 · #6 11-17-2021, 06:01 PM

Quote: