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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 10-29-2021, 09:16 AM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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I fall in the same category as OP. It is frustrating as heck, but kids are of the age where they recognize who is looking out for them and ensuring they are properly equipped for the seasons/weather.

I just hang onto receipts if ever needed. If ever my ex tries to pull back on parenting time and call herself the "primary" parent, I will be able to shut that down.
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  #12  
Old 10-29-2021, 10:44 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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Just to add another perspective here. Gloves, hats, scarves, boots go missing with small children the same as socks disappear in the dryer never to be seen again. This is regardless if the child comes from a home where both parents live together, are separated or MIA. Your ex may be keeping these things behind, maybe not. If your ex were not in the picture many of these items would likely still go missing. What I learned to do over the years was to buy several pairs of the same colour gloves/mitts and throw them in my winter bin. That way if my child lost one glove I’d have spares. I also bought several pairs of gloves, mitts, hats on sale at the end of every season and that way stocked up for the following year. Boots also go on sale and I would buy a pair or two a year in advance.

Boots do go missing at school as well. One year I got a call from the school that my child’s brand new winter boots( worn for the first time that day) had gone missing during a daytime rendition of the Christmas concert( I was going to attend the evening one). Turns out one of the other parents had mistakenly taken my child’s boots. The teachers had to carry my child back to the school after the concert as it was in a different building and there was a foot of snow.

Moral of the story is that winter hats, gloves, scarves, boots and even snow pants do tend to go missing all the time.
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  #13  
Old 11-04-2021, 03:39 PM
LifeReview LifeReview is offline
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One year my ex went ahead and purchased all the winter gear and spent close to $1800 on brand name stuff for 2 kids under 10.



Of course she asked for my % for those items.



After that every year I get the winter gear now. Kids and I do the shopping in early fall and it's all done. This year for both kids everything came to about $300 and that includes snow suits, boots etc.
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  #14  
Old 11-04-2021, 05:24 PM
Diverged Diverged is offline
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I would just go bargain hunting. Try to find some used winter jackets and get the snow pants from Walmart. I find Winners has cheaper mittens then, say MEC or Children's place etc. At least if they lose the stuff at school, it's cheap! When my kids were young I bought multiple pairs of cheap mittens that were the same colour. Usually by the end of each winter they had only one pair left of all the ones I bought. (got better as they got older...)
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  #15  
Old 11-05-2021, 09:38 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Just curious, what happens if your ex agrees to pay 1/2 the cost, and you go out and purchase the items. Then when you tell them their share, they say "ok" but never pay you back? How do you recover the money they agreed to pay you?
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  #16  
Old 11-05-2021, 10:52 AM
LifeReview LifeReview is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diverged View Post
I would just go bargain hunting. Try to find some used winter jackets and get the snow pants from Walmart. I find Winners has cheaper mittens then, say MEC or Children's place etc. At least if they lose the stuff at school, it's cheap! When my kids were young I bought multiple pairs of cheap mittens that were the same colour. Usually by the end of each winter they had only one pair left of all the ones I bought. (got better as they got older...)



For me I find costco or consignment stores the best for kids stuff.
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  #17  
Old 11-05-2021, 12:08 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
Just curious, what happens if your ex agrees to pay 1/2 the cost, and you go out and purchase the items. Then when you tell them their share, they say "ok" but never pay you back? How do you recover the money they agreed to pay you?
If you can swing it financially- you let. it. go....my separation agreement says dad is supposed to pay s.7 for the non-prescription eczema creams D5 uses. It is recommended by her pediatric dermatologist as it's the only thing that seems to keep her skin in good condition. This wasn't me being petty during our negotiations. Her cream costs approx. $35/bottle and she goes through 2-3 bottles a month, and even more in the winter. It adds up. I purchase the creams separately and send ex the receipts on a quarterly basis. He's never once reimbursed me for it. He will reimburse me for her other medical and extracurricular stuff. He's told me it's cause he thinks the stuff he uses on his skin is as good. He's wrong- I go with what her dermatologist recommends- and what actually works on her skin. I've tried his cream.

Anyhow. I digress.


I had to let it go. It's the thing that you just learn to live with...again- if you can. I recognize that all the winter gear really does add up. D5 uses Joe Fresh snowpants and gloves. I buy winter boots on consignment if I can- for extra pairs. If not- the Geox outlets have really great kids boots at a discount.
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  #18  
Old 11-05-2021, 01:06 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Whats that phrase me love here?

Not the hill to die on.

Seriously. If you are going to be forced to buy them just suck it up and do it. Your kids are warm. One winter my sister had to buy three pairs of snow pants as her kid insisted on crawling and sliding through the gravel lot. She then resorted to sewing patches on the damn things. Kid wailed and my sister told her either quit playing like an animal or suck it up.
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  #19  
Old 11-05-2021, 01:13 PM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
If you can swing it financially- you let. it. go....Anyhow. I digress. I had to let it go.
Thanks Iona for your example. I appreciate how frustrating it is. I will carry on and simply keep the receipts if ever needed to make a point.

It goes to show how much of a pos our exes can be. Her court briefs were laced with how much she loves our kids and how in her view it was critical she had them to herself and render me a visitor-dad, etc. Yet when it comes time to forking over money for winter clothes or extracurriculars for the kids she claimed to love so much, she is nowhere to be found.

She delays the purchase of essential things to the point where I cave and just buy them myself. Or worse, at times she agrees to collaborate on purchasing things or extracurriculars jointly, and suggests I pay and she'll reimburse me her share. Yet never does. A true show of class.
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  #20  
Old 11-05-2021, 01:36 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
It goes to show how much of a pos our exes can be. Her court briefs were laced with how much she loves our kids and how in her view it was critical she had them to herself and render me a visitor-dad, etc.
I met my husband a year after his divorce was finalized and he had been through two years of the nickel and diming while paying full table. His ex felt that the kids should be in every activity imaginable and after the things listed in their agreement expired, she would just replace them. He started to get really anxious and frustrated which is how I found this forum. She wanted to split $15 dance tickets or have him pay $10 for pictures of his kids or my personal favehis share of designer glasses frames which were $400 more than basic ones (he ended up paying twice since she called in a panic saying glasses were now $800 which he paid up front for and when she sent the bill we realized he had already paid AND the frames were $400 alone). He started pushing back and then she would respond that he didnt care about them and had the kids say shit to him. It escalated to the kids not telling him about things they were registered in because he didnt pay which made visits awkward as they had nothing to talk about due to their attitude. His one kid stopped speaking to him because he didnt support her interests. Then it became youre so cruel to mom making her pay for everything. This forum taught me that most kids of divorce dont get to do the amount of shit his ex had them doing and that my husband was not responsible for shit outside his support. (Thats a whole other story). He even spoke to his therapist about it because it was SO frustrating how his ex would ask him and then make the kids deal with him or have the kids ask him so he was forced to say no to them.

Some exs really are pieces of shit and it all goes back to their intent to destroy the other parent!
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