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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 10-27-2021, 10:25 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Default Purchase of Snow Suits in Equal parenting

Its that time of year again....winter and cold!

I am sure this has been posted ad nauseum however will start a new post as I cannot seem to find the info buried on the site.

I have my 2 kids 50/50 and pay offset CS. Kids are still fairly young. Every year it is a battle with my ex about who buys the winter suits, boots, tuques, mitts and what-have-you. This is stuff that we cannot (or should not) need duplicates, such as snowsuits and boots.

Needless to say it always falls on my shoulders as I cave and just go out and buy the stuff as in the end its about the kids being properly dressed for the weather. It is getting pretty tiresome this game with my ex. My lawyer says to simply hang onto the receipts if ever needed. My ex is the type to cry that she is the "primary parent" yet I am the one who takes them to all appointments, clothe them, sign up for extra curricular, you-name-it.

What is even more tiresome is that often stuff ends up at my ex's place only to never been seen again. I don't know how many times I had to buy replacement stuff (ie: mitts, umbrellas, neckwarmers) because my ex does not send kids back to school with the stuff, or claims to have lost them. It adds up money-wise when you buy things 3-4 times per season. And to be honest, its almost like my ex is doing it on purpose to be difficult.

Any advice?
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  #2  
Old 10-27-2021, 10:58 AM
Kkc Kkc is offline
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this seems like something is a big time pain in the ass and i am sure there is a tonne of other petty childlike behaviour that you have to put up with

unfortunately, if you do not have a parenting coordinator already in place, there is no way to deal with this matter outside of court

i will coordinate my final agreement so all that petty shit is ironed out.

at the end of the day, your kids will realize their mom is petty and dad was the one that did all of this with us

if it veers off into moms behavior being bat shit crazy enough to affect the kids...well then it is different
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  #3  
Old 10-27-2021, 11:20 AM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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I would work with your children to find and return the items.
50% of the costs for boots, neckwarmers, umbrellas and mitts is not much. Annoying, but not a large cost.
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Old 10-27-2021, 11:35 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Thanks for the insight.

Arguing over who pays this stuff is not the type of thing that is worthy of a court application.

Yes, definitely make sure to include all that stuff into your agreement. At the time of my proceedings, the level of cooperation was high from my ex. It was even agreeable and amicable. I never thought this type of garbage would arise.
I now realize that was all because we were in the midst of litigation that she was on her best behaviour. Now that we are done with court, her true colours re-surfaced. Since we have 50/50, her behaviour has gotten even worse. Her behaviour is akin to child not getting their way and sulking, or a child being forced to share.

Its amazing because this is the person who "claimed" to love our children so much during the litigation. Now it is like she is more interested in being a pain to me, rather than focussing on the kids.
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  #5  
Old 10-27-2021, 11:53 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StillPaying View Post
I would work with your children to find and return the items.
We know where they are. They are being hoarded at my ex's. I send kids to school properly dressed for incliment weather. Rainboots and umbrellas on rainy days, and mitts/neckwarmers etc on cold days. Then my ex picks them up after school. On the next transition day she omits sending kids to school with said items, regardless if I might need them to send kids to school. Communications to ex to return items (as I will need them) go unanswered. So to ensure kids are properly dressed, I end up going to store and buying new items. This happens a few times per season.

Quote:
Originally Posted by StillPaying View Post
50% of the costs for boots, neckwarmers, umbrellas and mitts is not much. Annoying, but not a large cost.
Its 100% of costs. Since moving to 50/50 parenting, my ex has completely disengaged in shopping for any of the stuff that kids only need 1 of such as winter suits, boots, etc... Leaves it all on my shoulders to purchase. I keep all receipts, if ever needed.
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  #6  
Old 10-27-2021, 12:13 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
We know where they are. .... So to ensure kids are properly dressed, I end up going to store and buying new items.
Your best bet is to work with your children. Teach them to leave items at school. Call them in the morning to remind them to bring their umbrella and leave it at school. Forgot - remind them again.

Quote:
Its 100% of costs.
Technically these items have already been paid for through offset support. Therefore, we split them 50/50 as opposed to by incomes. You're responsible for 50%, so whether your "child" loses them or not, your increased cost is 50%. Annoying, but not sending you to the poor house.
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Old 10-27-2021, 12:29 PM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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"I got to take you out shopping for winter clothes last year so this year it is mommies turn to shop with you and buy the right winter gear. If she doesn't get you those things I am not going to let you be cold. Tell me and you and I will buy you some winter gear. Does that sound OK?"

Tell your ex that your child will be asking about the winter clothes because you figure they want to do the shopping and ask her if that is a problem.

When she fails...well years from now the kid will remember who take care of them.
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  #8  
Old 10-27-2021, 03:34 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kkc View Post
this seems like something is a big time pain in the ass ...
i will coordinate my final agreement so all that petty shit is ironed out.
Good luck with that. It's petty for a reason.
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  #9  
Old 10-27-2021, 03:41 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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My husband was eow and his ex still asked for petty shit like dance tickets, school photos, $12 supplies for activities etc. Then the kids would make him take them shopping on his time where he spent hundreds on clothing for them. When they went to school she then nitpicked sharing costs of household goods, first class travel and take out.

Unfortunately when you deal with a petty person you have to either say no and put on your kevlar or grin and bear it. There is no medium, compromise or magic.
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  #10  
Old 10-27-2021, 03:45 PM
Kkc Kkc is offline
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i do have a friend and they have in their agreement that back to school and appropriate seasonal gear alternates between years

but then her dingus ex will only buy one pair of school shoes in september and keep him going in same pair even if the kid grows..so its not perfect but it's something
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