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  • No Overnights? Trial upcoming.

    Hi all,

    I've given an offer to settle to my ex so she can have sole custody and I can have every other weekend with overnights. For the past 2 years I've been seeing the kids supervised and no overnights. She is not wanting to give me overnights because she's claiming historical abuse (towards her and kids but all my charges were related to her).

    My lawyer says that she would be surprised if I didn't get overnights, but I wanted to get everyone's thoughts given the facts below. And if there is something I should be doing to ensure my success to get overnights?

    -No OCL or Section 30 report (she didn't' ask for one). No professionals to testify either.

    -I did hit my son on the arm 2 years ago one time because he was being aggressive to his sibling and didn't listen. CAS investigated and closed the file because my ex didn't allow me to see the kids during that period. I took a parenting plan since then.

    -I did go on disability 3 years ago under the guise of some serious mental health issues and was prescribed medication in order to collect benefits. She's claiming I have untreated mental health issues. I went to get a test done by a psychiatrist who said I'm fine, but now my ex is claiming because I didn't disclose my criminal charges to him, I mislead him and hence the report is invalid. My lawyer agrees that I should have mentioned this to the psychiatrist especially since he asked me. I didn't disclose it bc I was "charged" and not "convicted".

    -During the "disability" phase, she continued traveling and I was taking care of the children. Yet she's claiming I wasn't able to take care of kids and it was her parents that were helping me with the kids while she was away.

    -I had 7 charges of "historical" abuse, which was all withdrawn because the case took too long to resolve. I've maintained my innocence from day 1.

    -In the meantime, young kids (under 11) have had supervised access with me for 2 years for once a week as per court's order. I was heavily involved in their lives prior to the charges.

    -She's continuing to make allegations through her counsel that I have inappropriate conversations with my 7 year old and threatening me with professional supervision (rather than my sister supervising).

    What are your thoughts? Do I have a shot at overnights? What can I do to enhance my chances?

    Her counsel said they don't want anymore "exit TMCs" as the gap is too wide to settle and are pushing for trial.

  • #2
    Originally posted by helenj View Post
    Hi all,

    I've given an offer to settle to my ex so she can have sole custody and I can have every other weekend with overnights. For the past 2 years I've been seeing the kids supervised and no overnights. She is not wanting to give me overnights because she's claiming historical abuse (towards her and kids but all my charges were related to her).

    My lawyer says that she would be surprised if I didn't get overnights, but I wanted to get everyone's thoughts given the facts below. And if there is something I should be doing to ensure my success to get overnights?

    -No OCL or Section 30 report (she didn't' ask for one). No professionals to testify either.
    You're lucky af that you didn't have the OCL- they would've nailed you for the next part of the information you are telling us below- ESPECIALLY not disclosing to your therapist that you were charged. My ex did exactly the same thing- he went to therapy, but failed to disclose to his therapist that he ever threated to kill me or our daughter. The OCL spoke to the therapist- and she wrote in her report that my ex failed to address his issues. He too was charged- but not convicted through a trial (he received an absolute discharge).

    -I did hit my son on the arm 2 years ago one time because he was being aggressive to his sibling and didn't listen. CAS investigated and closed the file because my ex didn't allow me to see the kids during that period. I took a parenting plan since then.
    yeah- this is going to hurt you imo.

    -I did go on disability 3 years ago under the guise of some serious mental health issues and was prescribed medication in order to collect benefits. She's claiming I have untreated mental health issues. I went to get a test done by a psychiatrist who said I'm fine, but now my ex is claiming because I didn't disclose my criminal charges to him, I mislead him and hence the report is invalid. My lawyer agrees that I should have mentioned this to the psychiatrist especially since he asked me. I didn't disclose it bc I was "charged" and not "convicted".
    your lawyer is right.

    Also- under the "guise"? So either you have serious mental health issues or you're morrally corrupt?

    -I had 7 charges of "historical" abuse, which was all withdrawn because the case took too long to resolve. I've maintained my innocence from day 1.
    you skated on a failure of the justice system- I'm not a family lawyer- but I'm thinking this is going to hurt you.

    -In the meantime, young kids (under 11) have had supervised access with me for 2 years for once a week as per court's order. I was heavily involved in their lives prior to the charges.
    Did you ever have professional supervision where you can point to reports saying everything went well?


    What are your thoughts? Do I have a shot at overnights? What can I do to enhance my chances?

    Her counsel said they don't want anymore "exit TMCs" as the gap is too wide to settle and are pushing for trial.
    what was in your offer? Did you include gradual build up to overnights?

    If I were you,

    I would offer to go back to therapy- at least 10 sessions.

    I would set out a graduated parenting plan which works up to overnights over the weekend- over the course of at least a year.
    Last edited by iona6656; 01-26-2022, 06:21 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      Also- based on the shit you've posted on here- you better settle. You don't sound like you're going to come off well in front of a judge. But then again- we are internet people, flinging around internet opinions. I hope you have a good lawyer.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
        Also- based on the shit you've posted on here- you better settle. You don't sound like you're going to come off well in front of a judge. But then again- we are internet people, flinging around internet opinions. I hope you have a good lawyer.
        You're right. My lawyer has said same thing actually lol.

        How can I settle if she's not settling? I already gave her sole custody and am only asking for overnights, which she's refusing. She's saying she does not want ANY overnights with me.
        I live with my mom and kids have their own room here too.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
          Concur with Iona. The best thing to do is to propose to gradually build up to what you desire. Any reason why you are limiting desire to only EOW? Put in a 1 year graduated plan where you also commit to 10 therapy sessions during that time. Increase the parenting time every 3 months so its gradual for kids and not an abrupt change.

          If you are going to trial, and it sounds like you might be, you are best off having a really reasonable offer that is even below what a judge might agree to, so that you are considered the more successful litigant. The other side refusing overnights is simply being selfish. Kids shouldn't be deprived of being able to lounge with popcorn and watch a movie or hockey game with their other parent.
          I proposed a gradual build up to every other weekend and a mid-week visit on Tuesdays and Thursdays over the course of 4 months. I live 5 minutes away from her.

          What parenting plan should I offer over a year? She's refusing any expansion of parenting time so I don't think anything more every other weekend would work with her, therapy or not therapy.

          Thanks for your response!

          Comment


          • #6
            I aint no lawyer and don't have a lot of experience in the court room.
            1) Your lawyer said they were surprised if you didn't get overnights.
            2) Your lawyer says they are afraid how you will come across in court. Does that mean that you won't get overnights?

            Get normal and get that test done again.

            I did go on disability 3 years ago under the guise of some serious mental health issues and was prescribed medication in order to collect benefits.
            What was the other reason you needed the time off?

            I went to get a test done by a psychiatrist who said I'm fine, but now my ex is claiming because I didn't disclose my criminal charges to him, I mislead him and hence the report is invalid. My lawyer agrees that I should have mentioned this to the psychiatrist especially since he asked me. I didn't disclose it bc I was "charged" and not "convicted".
            Their lawyer (your ex didnt come up with that) and your lawyer are saying this so a judge will likely say the same. Since they are objecting overcome that and get a new evaluation, do this ASAP.

            Get a positive evaluation and it weakens their stance and may lead to settlement. It sounds important.
            Can you delay trial?

            Comment


            • #7
              This is going to be posted on CANLii if it goes to court. Yikes.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                This is going to be posted on CANLii if it goes to court. Yikes.
                Can you elaborate on your response? Would love to get your thoughts as I've seen your previous posts where you have a good knowledge base.

                Thanks

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
                  I aint no lawyer and don't have a lot of experience in the court room.
                  1) Your lawyer said they were surprised if you didn't get overnights.
                  2) Your lawyer says they are afraid how you will come across in court. Does that mean that you won't get overnights?

                  Get normal and get that test done again.


                  What was the other reason you needed the time off?


                  Their lawyer (your ex didnt come up with that) and your lawyer are saying this so a judge will likely say the same. Since they are objecting overcome that and get a new evaluation, do this ASAP.

                  Get a positive evaluation and it weakens their stance and may lead to settlement. It sounds important.
                  Can you delay trial?
                  That's a great point I will ask my lawyer.

                  I don't think I can delay nor do I want to as it's been 3 years in legal battle.

                  What are your thoughts if I go to trial as everything stands right now?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by helenj View Post
                    That's a great point I will ask my lawyer.
                    I don't think I can delay nor do I want to as it's been 3 years in legal battle.
                    What are your thoughts if I go to trial as everything stands right now?
                    That is a strange question to ask anyone here given the unknown; I don't know. I don't know you and I am not a lawyer.

                    What I do know:
                    a) you had a pscyh test

                    b) everyone will say/think you cheated so you could gain access to your children. This is a big redflag a big unknow for a anyone.

                    c) a redo will have you make a different offer or stick with your current one.

                    Apologize to the doctor, tell them why you did what you did (fear, honest mistake, whatever) and you would like to rectify it. I suppose this will take some time and that is why I asked about delaying the trial.


                    /You did not say why you were out of work and that is your choice but it is sounding pretty sketchy. I am some guy on the internet, I think a lawyer might have a field day with you at trial. Get your house in order.
                    Last edited by pinkHouses; 01-27-2022, 03:53 PM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Well you do seem to me more reasonable and willing to consider constructive criticism than in your other threads. You are smart not to want to drag out the litigation and settle instead. However, all of the other posters have good points. From what you have previously posted, trial will likely be a big risk for you and not go well. Talk to your lawyer about what he would consider a reasonable offer to settle at this time and place in the litigation. It may not be what you want right now but Instead of focusing on what you have lost with your kids, focus on what you do have and build up from there.

                      As for lying to your psychiatrist. There is no use apologizing and going back. He/she will only see this as a manipulation tactic and could get you diagnosed with a personality disorder. Let that one go but own up to it.

                      Remember it’s never too late to raise the bar in your behaviour and interactions. Go talk to your lawyer and put in an offer to settle or multiple offers if no response. You can even make your offers severable so as to decrease your costs at trial.

                      Good luck

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by helenj View Post
                        Hi all,

                        I've given an offer to settle to my ex so she can have sole custody and I can have every other weekend with overnights. For the past 2 years I've been seeing the kids supervised and no overnights. She is not wanting to give me overnights because she's claiming historical abuse (towards her and kids but all my charges were related to her).

                        My lawyer says that she would be surprised if I didn't get overnights, but I wanted to get everyone's thoughts given the facts below. And if there is something I should be doing to ensure my success to get overnights?

                        -No OCL or Section 30 report (she didn't' ask for one). No professionals to testify either.

                        -I did hit my son on the arm 2 years ago one time because he was being aggressive to his sibling and didn't listen. CAS investigated and closed the file because my ex didn't allow me to see the kids during that period. I took a parenting plan since then.

                        -I did go on disability 3 years ago under the guise of some serious mental health issues and was prescribed medication in order to collect benefits. She's claiming I have untreated mental health issues. I went to get a test done by a psychiatrist who said I'm fine, but now my ex is claiming because I didn't disclose my criminal charges to him, I mislead him and hence the report is invalid. My lawyer agrees that I should have mentioned this to the psychiatrist especially since he asked me. I didn't disclose it bc I was "charged" and not "convicted".

                        -During the "disability" phase, she continued traveling and I was taking care of the children. Yet she's claiming I wasn't able to take care of kids and it was her parents that were helping me with the kids while she was away.

                        -I had 7 charges of "historical" abuse, which was all withdrawn because the case took too long to resolve. I've maintained my innocence from day 1.

                        -In the meantime, young kids (under 11) have had supervised access with me for 2 years for once a week as per court's order. I was heavily involved in their lives prior to the charges.

                        -She's continuing to make allegations through her counsel that I have inappropriate conversations with my 7 year old and threatening me with professional supervision (rather than my sister supervising).

                        What are your thoughts? Do I have a shot at overnights? What can I do to enhance my chances?

                        Her counsel said they don't want anymore "exit TMCs" as the gap is too wide to settle and are pushing for trial.
                        Guys,

                        There is 2 weeks left before we go into trial and still ex is refusing overnights.

                        I really need input from ANYONE if my case is likely to succeed on getting overnights or not, otherwise I will just settle and accept no overnights instead of going another $100k into debt.
                        I have given her sole custody and gradual step-up to every other weekend and she still refuses.
                        Can anyone please provide any thoughts on overnights?
                        Happy to provide more information if needed.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I think you need a carefully worded offer, a good one that has them fearing you could do better at court.

                          Maybe you are asking the wrong question here. Maybe ask this:
                          1) If I consent to no overnights how hard will it be to change that in the future?
                          2) What wording or conditions should I put into an offer that will allow me to fulfill those conditions and get overnights.

                          I am not a lawyer, what sounds logical may not work for a lawyer on paper.
                          I cannot guess for you on this, no one can and you sound a bit alone and I empathize with you right now. Your lawyer is the best thing you have to getting a good answer, have them feel sorry for you and they will be very much inclined to be frank with you.

                          What did your lawyer say?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by pinkHouses View Post
                            I think you need a carefully worded offer, a good one that has them fearing you could do better at court.

                            Maybe you are asking the wrong question here. Maybe ask this:
                            1) If I consent to no overnights how hard will it be to change that in the future?
                            2) What wording or conditions should I put into an offer that will allow me to fulfill those conditions and get overnights.

                            I am not a lawyer, what sounds logical may not work for a lawyer on paper.
                            I cannot guess for you on this, no one can and you sound a bit alone and I empathize with you right now. Your lawyer is the best thing you have to getting a good answer, have them feel sorry for you and they will be very much inclined to be frank with you.

                            What did your lawyer say?
                            Hi, thanks for your response. To answer your questions.

                            1. If I consent to no overnights, I will need to wait for a "material change of circumstance" to get overnights. Or wait 3-4 years until children are older.

                            2. Not sure as we're already giving her sole custody with a step-up schedule to overnights and she's still refusing.

                            3. My lawyer is saying he feels I should get overnights but I've been burned by lawyers before, hence why I'm looking for more understanding.

                            Happy to answer more questions....

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I am not a lawyer so I don't know.

                              Under "what constitutes a material change" you can put:
                              -2 years and I completed X evaluations and courses.

                              -you can add conditions for you having the kids overnight: they go to counselling to monitor and you go to counselling to be monitored. Safety net.

                              Overcome the objections they are going to use against you for not seeing the kids by adding those benchmarks for you to achieve.

                              Your lawyer is supposed to be the creative one AND they know the law. They can make multiple offers.

                              If you can still talk to your ex you can tell them you don't want either of you to spend money on the children, you understand you have issues and want them worked on, what do you need to do? Be confident though.

                              Really I am some person on the internet that doesn't know the law and may have it all backwards and I don't know you or your ex.
                              Last edited by pinkHouses; 02-11-2022, 06:06 PM.

                              Comment

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