dads strategies for winning custody

[tugofwar]

I was just wondering if anyone came across any good websites that show strategies for dads to win custody or any other good websites that relate to this?

[dadtotheend]

The ones I have seen that are targeted at Dads are mostly run by mens groups that concentrate more on woe is me, the courts are hopelessly gender biased, let's spend too much effort crying about it, rather than focusing on the real determinants of custody.

Don't fall into the trap of looking at it from a gender biased point of view. That will just empower you with excuses about why you should fail as a Dad in the horribly gender biased courts.

In theory and more and more so now in practice, it's not a man or woman thing. There are lots of great sites that tell you the determinants of custody. The principal elements are the same across geographic boundaries, so look at sites all over North America in the early going and once you get a feel for it, narrow it down to your area. This site is one of best forums I have come across. There's a wealth of valuable information here, but like any forum, you have to be judicious in gleaning the good stuff.

Although the stakes (your kids) are very high, it ain't rocket science. Dive right in and look at yourself as a parent rather than a father or mother. Be prepared to roll up your sleeves and read, read, read, and when you're done read some more. And then be prepared to (if you aren't already) possibly make big changes in your life to do those things that determine custody.

[billiechic]

Great advice!

For me the best way to look at it is to think about what I wanted as a child, and give that to my girl. It realy is about being the best parent you can be.

[tugofwar]

Thanks for your response, Im actually the mother. What Im really trying to get a grasp on is what my ex is trying to prove or do? Guessing his lawyer is advising him what he has to do and act now because he doesnt have much time. (waiting for response from court application)
So, I have no idea what he's up to? Wants shared custody and for us to get along. Blows up if I address a concern, just pushing my buttons- but actually it's really not working or at least I think it's not. Im trying to be the bigger person, he doesn't really know who I am right now! I stopped being a door mat, found a voice and way to express my true self and he doesnt know what to do with the new me now...... Im doing as much as possible to stay focused on our child, really.

[dadtotheend]

Your urge to stay two moves ahead of the other side, endlessly speculate about the as yet unknown curve ball that you will be thrown, wonder what their next move will be, are natural. You are prudent to be considering that.

I did the same thing. I was always giving the other side more credit, wondering what strategic motive was behind their every move. It helped me to feel prepared and ready, but in hindsight, I gave way too much credit, and my speculation was almost always for naught.

But I wouldn't change the way I did it, because even as I was going through it, I knew that if I wasn't successful, it wouldn't be because I failed to give 1,000,000%. In a way it was therapeutic at the time, even though it commanded sssooo much of my energy.

You wrote, "Im doing as much as possible to stay focused on our child, really." I did that too. You are on the right path.

[tugofwar]

Great advice!

For me the best way to look at it is to think about what I wanted as a child, and give that to my girl. It realy is about being the best parent you can be.

Wow, thanks for that, it made me tear up, good way to look at it!

[billiechic]

I agree. You are doing the right thing, and I know it is taking so much out of you. In the end you will know that no matter what the outcome is that you did everything to make sure your child was taken care of, and loved.

It is so hard, but worth it. Just remember to take 5 minutes for yourself every once in a while. I was forgetting to do that and it really ran me down.

[billiechic]

Wow, thanks for that, it made me tear up, good way to look at it!

It's true, think about it. Did you really care about money and things when you were a kid? What do you remember as the happiest times? For me it was the TIME I spent with my parents DOING things (baseball games with my dad, scavenger hunts with my mom, my sister taking me for hikes). THAT is what makes memories and a good parent. Your child will remember all the things you did for them. Keeps me on track...

[dadtotheend]

Tug, you have more than a few posts under your belt now. So you might already know that when you have quality members like billiechic and Mess responding to you, you're getting some of the best this place has to offer.

Keep on keepin on.

[tugofwar]

Yes, billiechic has been wonderful, supportive and gives good advice!! Mess is alittle more down to the legal and the less emotional side of things but both have me thinking alot better and clearer! One with my heart, and the other with my head!
Two of you should start your own business with these matters....
lol
you would think i was drunk or something just by my posts....
hope you dont form a group to get me kicked off....
this has been my life lately

[billiechic]

I am flattered! Thanks Guys!

Tug, I can already see your posts getting much more solid. You are doing great! It took us all a while to get to where we are. I am still learning, but whatever lessons I learn I will pass on. I would not want anyone to have to learn the hard way like I did.

The thing I love the most about this place is the different perspectives. Each poster is valuable for their own reason. It has been a real eye opener, but both my daughter and I have really been blessed to have found this place.