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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 10-20-2009, 01:25 PM
lumpy lumpy is offline
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Angry What can we do to stop this?

Help !!!
His ex-wife has decided to pick up the kids from now on instead of letting them go to the babysitter. He gets to the babysitter 10 minutes after the kids. We have asked her to stop interfering in our schedule (it is our access time). She has now decided that she is going to change it. The problem is that she gives them junk food and says things like " too bad you have to go to dad's tonight or we could go to ... (insert some crazy fun kid thing). She is trying to alienate them from their dad. We have said that we don't want the routine to change and she is going to do it anyway. Is it even legal for her to get the kids during my husband's access time? What do we do?
  #2  
Old 10-20-2009, 01:40 PM
representingself representingself is offline
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It all depends on what your original agreement/order says....

Who has custody, etc. etc.
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Old 10-20-2009, 01:43 PM
lumpy lumpy is offline
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Shared custody - 50/50. It is currently day on day off (she will not agree to week on week off). We have them Tuesdays and Thursdays after school. Every other Firday and weekend.
  #4  
Old 10-20-2009, 02:15 PM
representingself representingself is offline
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Then the answer is no..... she cannot unilaterally make any decisons about anything, nor is she supposed to interfere in the fathers access time.

The ONLY way that she can change the access schedule is by obtaining a new court order.

Tell her (in writing), that you will not agree to a schedule change. Always make sure your correspondance is in written form.

How old are the children?

A day on day off schedule can be VERY disruptive. Tell her if she wants to make any changes, you will petition the courts for week on week off custody schedule.
  #5  
Old 10-20-2009, 05:24 PM
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wretchedotis wretchedotis is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by representingself View Post
Then the answer is no..... she cannot unilaterally make any decisons about anything, nor is she supposed to interfere in the fathers access time.

The ONLY way that she can change the access schedule is by obtaining a new court order.

Actually, as I am finding out from personal experience right now - she can in fact unilaterally make decisions and alter the father's access time.

You must then file a motion, if/when she does. I cannot stop my ex from doing it in the meantime, and I suppose neither can you. Once the motion is heard in court - I suppose it will be rectified. Until then, I guess I'm just supposed to just grin and bear it.

Still waiting to find out whats going to happen... I'll keep you posted.
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Old 10-21-2009, 03:00 AM
Stargate Stargate is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wretchedotis View Post
Actually, as I am finding out from personal experience right now - she can in fact unilaterally make decisions and alter the father's access time.

You must then file a motion, if/when she does. I cannot stop my ex from doing it in the meantime, and I suppose neither can you. Once the motion is heard in court - I suppose it will be rectified. Until then, I guess I'm just supposed to just grin and bear it.

Still waiting to find out whats going to happen... I'll keep you posted.
If there is a signed agreement between the two parties on the issue of access with defined days and times then she cannot arbitrarily change it without the consent of the other party.

Unless there is a truly valid reason she is changing the access schedule then you'd have to do what 'reprisentinghimself' has suggested above.

1) Write a letter to her - send it registered.

2) Ask for a written explanation as to why she is changing the access schedule.

3) Give her 2 weeks to respond in writing. Let her know that you do not agree with her new access times.

4) Tell her if she doesn't respond in writing within 2 weeks the matter will be referred to Court.
  #7  
Old 10-21-2009, 08:58 AM
representingself representingself is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lumpy View Post
Help !!!
His ex-wife has decided to pick up the kids from now on instead of letting them go to the babysitter. He gets to the babysitter 10 minutes after the kids. We have asked her to stop interfering in our schedule (it is our access time). She has now decided that she is going to change it. The problem is that she gives them junk food and says things like " too bad you have to go to dad's tonight or we could go to ... (insert some crazy fun kid thing). She is trying to alienate them from their dad. We have said that we don't want the routine to change and she is going to do it anyway. Is it even legal for her to get the kids during my husband's access time? What do we do?
What I meant before is that she cannot "legally" alter the access schedule without negotiating with you to a new agreement, or obtaining a court order.

That's not to say that she wont just up and do it anyways.

I believe what 'wretchedotis' meant, is that his ex just does whatever she wants, and then it is up to him to rectify the situation. This is often the case in many situations.

Send her the registered letter as 'Stargate' has suggested. Tell her that any unilateral changes to the schedule are unacceptable.
Explain that you want to maintain the current schedule.

If she has a 'reasonable' excuse for wanting to change
the schedule, be prepared to counter her excuses....

Tell her that a week on, week off schedule would provide more stability and security for the children...and any changes to the schedule should reflect a full 50/50 parenting arrangement....(most likely if you do, she'll drop this issue immediately).

She could very well be trying to alienate their father... keep a close eye on things like that, and keep comprehensive records.
  #8  
Old 10-21-2009, 01:21 PM
lumpy lumpy is offline
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Thank you all so much. I guess that we will see what happens now.... Always something.
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