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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 02-17-2020, 09:50 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Yet you canít afford it or get someone to cosign it. You are living outside your means and expecting your ex to pay for it. Wise up, you can either sell it and move on or hold on and pay his legal bills when he wins.

Youíre being unrealistic.
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  #12  
Old 02-18-2020, 12:33 PM
moremiles moremiles is offline
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The reshingling of roof evident of dire repair long before ex left, i have pictures... People would say when are you going to fix your roof? my ex tried to convince me it was fine. Same for crawl space, but crawl space hard to access 3ft high under house I never went under as it is dark and hard to manoeuvre. Since ex left I have braved the journey under was able to see for myself and take pictures. Also have inspection report with estimate which my ex bulked at and is in denial of the reality cost.
My ex now lives in his dad's home for free (his dad now lives with his girlfriend and his home was unoccupied) my ex will inherit his Dad's home which is mortgage free plus a huge inheritance. My ex is still working but will probably retire as soon as his inheritance happens or at age 65 what ever comes first. His dad is 90 years old. So here's another question. If my ex claims he has no assets to pay support and he receives his inheritance could that be considered an asset and could ex at least give support payments then.
Ex says he only plans on giving me support til 2023. When I turn 65. Support payments came 1.5 year after ex left when his lawyer strongly suggested to him to start support immediately and they decided what amount I should receive. I have not signed anything, but been accepting support payments as they deem and I've been accepting as I needed it to survive. Before support payments made we remained our status quo staying in our mutual bank accounts. Again once he retained a lawyer coached him to get his own bank accounts. Which I have also. However his support payment is paid into our still exsisting joint bank account that the mortgage payment comes out of. The mortgage payment is only $900.00 including taxes. (I cant rent a place for $900.00) His support pays the mortgage. I make enough to pay all the remaining house bills, but not much left over. I'm willing to forgo foundation repair for now as it is impacting mostly one corner of the foundation and I simply just dont use that room. I dont anticipate further damage as I've had a second sump pump put in and crawl space hopefully wont flood anymore during the spring thaw. This spring will tell. It all gets complicated, I hope this information is helpful giving more insight to my situation. There is not many options to relocate in my community. And many of the options available more expensive than what I'm paying now. Thank you in advance for listening and your time in coaching uneducated person see and understand my options.
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  #13  
Old 02-18-2020, 01:29 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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You may want to get a lawyer to give you advice. Your ex can say a lot of stuff to get you to do what he wants, it doesnt mean its legal. Based on your age and length of marriage you are more than likely entitled to ongoing long term spousal support. Even if he stops working he will still be obligated to pay.

Again, you may need to look at other options. A house like you have described is unsustainable both in a repair approach and in your aging. Remember you will not be as mobile as you are now or able to work as you are now. Your house will still require repair and maintenance and what happens when you are on old age security?

You need to start approaching this realistically. There probably are other options in your community as many communities across Canada are introducing affordable housing especially for seniors. If not, you need to give serious thought to moving into a community that is affordable and geared to seniors. how you would manage in your 70s and 80s?
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  #14  
Old 02-18-2020, 03:36 PM
moremiles moremiles is offline
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Thank you for response. I have been looking at living else where especially with the senior community. Waiting list are very long and I've added my name to. Iam grateful for excellent health and have been able to do all the yard work and snow shovelling etc. Not sure if you read reason I hang on. I live in very unique location.
People who win lotteries want to live here.
Beautiful lake on one side...my passion Kayaking, swimming and unbelievable sunsets year round. A forest out my back door providing miles of trails for hiking, snowshoeing and X country skiing. Plus this was my parents home I spent a big part of my life here and returned because I wanted my family to enjoy this quality of life.
If only I hadn't trust my husband to take care of the finances I dont think I'd be in this position. I know lots of seniors who live on our road well into their 80's. I know I can manage for along time yet. If you saw where I live you'd understand why I want to stay as long as possible.
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  #15  
Old 02-18-2020, 03:55 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moremiles View Post
I have been looking at living else where especially with the senior community. Waiting list are very long and I've added my name to.
Iím not saying senior homes or retirement communities, Iím saying affordable housing like townhomes, condos and apartments. I live in a higher priced community that has now approved a number of ďadult focused, affordableĒ housing developments. They are aimed at seniors looking to downsize. I am sure there are options you just donít want to consider anything but what you have now.

Quote:
I live in very unique location.
People who win lotteries want to live here. Beautiful lake on one side...my passion Kayaking, swimming and unbelievable sunsets year round. A forest out my back door providing miles of trails for hiking, snowshoeing and X country skiing.
Are you a lottery winner? Its great you have all that but you canít afford it nor is it sustainable. Everyone would love to live in cottage country with all these amenities around them but the reality is not many can. You are getting divorced. Your household income has been split and you can barely make ends meet with several part time jobs. There are plenty of communities that offer amenities to people who live in affordable accommodations. Time to wake up.

Quote:
Plus this was my parents home I spent a big part of my life here and returned because I wanted my family to enjoy this quality of life.
Life changes, your parents lived in a different time, costs have increased and home values have skyrocketed. Nostalgia does nothing for you. Memories donít pay the bills.

Quote:
I know lots of seniors who live on our road well into their 80's. I know I can manage for along time yet. If you saw where I live you'd understand why I want to stay as long as possible.

Good for them. Do they have great retirement income? A reverse mortgage? A paid off house? Shared income?

As awful as what Im saying sounds you need a reality check. I would love to live in a bigger home on a lake with lots of amenities. I canít afford it. I would also love to travel more, have a fancy car and wear expensive clothes. I canít afford it. I live within my means. When my parents split my mother insisted on living in a house we couldnít afford and it almost destroyed us emotionally and her financially. Itís a house. It isnít crucial for your survival. You wonít die if you move. You can still use trails, lakes and forests from another home. You are being really ridiculous. What if you fell and injured yourself so severely you couldnít take care of the house or work for six months? What if he died and you no longer got support? What if the lake flooded and destroyed your house? Give your head a shake. Your ex can pay you spousal if you are in a different city. You can afford a home that isnít in mansion cottage land. You should be thinking long term survival financially.
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  #16  
Old 02-18-2020, 04:34 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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we get it, you love where you live and it does sound like a really nice place that lots would love to live. You are not getting that it isn't realistic to stay there. Yes you may be able to look after yourself now but that can change in a heartbeat. You cannot afford to have a big issue fixed that needs to be fixed. Yes you may not use that room but the weight of the house is still on that foundation and the beams, it will get worse and then cost more to fix.

If you could afford the place on just what you make (without SS) then we would be saying go for it but you can't. You could get injured and not be able to work anymore so there would go that source of income.

I totally get the mortgage payment is less then rent. I was in the same boat when I was splitting up with my ex. The mortgage payments were about 600 and about 200 a month for taxes. A one bedroom apartment goes for more then that. I managed to get a mortgage on my own, based on only my income. I will admit that it was tough till I got the job that I have now. I was in my 40s when I bought him out so I still have a few more years till retirement.

If I remember correctly you cannot touch anything that he has/will inherit when his father passes.

You are not even factoring in legal fees that you may have to pay in order to settle your situation. That can wipe you out right there. Do yourself a huge favour and sit down with someone who has some knowledge and figure out what you can do. The house is old, as it ages the repairs get to be more and more frequent and costly.

The future is never certain. Yes you could be healthy and injuring free and live till you are in your 80s. Or you could get injured doing one of your activities and never work again.

If you cannot get the mortgage approval that you need then the house will be sold. You need to accept that no matter how heartbreaking it may be. The bank wont care that the mortgage payment is less than rent you would pay elsewhere. All they care about is the house the mortgage is for and your ability to pay for it. They deal with numbers and that is it.

While I understand you want to live there, you are not understanding that it does not look like a realistic outcome for you. You are letting your emotions blind you to the cold reality.
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  #17  
Old 02-18-2020, 06:03 PM
moremiles moremiles is offline
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Thank you for all the input. I'm learning alot here and taking all comments into consideration. My cosigner knows the value of living here and wants to see me stay.
A decision of what direction I take is pending as I'm not fully comfortable of putting my cosigner through all the hoops again. Getting an education of family law is helping me get there. I am capable of disappointment but want time for due diligence and understanding everything and maybe a chance to hang on to my home.
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