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  • #16
    Just chatted with a friend of mine who is Native and she said if the Mom is not Native then the child would not get Native status. Seems it comes from the maternal side of the child.

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    • #17
      read the following for clarification on who can apply for Indian or Metis status:

      You Wanted to Know - Federal Programs and Services for Registered Indians

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      • #18
        Things were quiet for a week or so, but they have started up again. We were able to get OW started, still waiting to heard back from the case worker and of course they asked about the father in this situation. We were told someone from legal aid would be contacting her in the next few weeks to get support started up.

        Yesterday I was out of town and received a text from my cousin stating baby's Dad wanted to come and take the child for the day. At this point there was no communication between mom & dad for over 10 days and the last communication ended with Dad threatening Mom. Mom told Dad that was fine, however she wanted to know what time he would pick him up and drop him off. Dad flipped out that she was questioning him, so Mom told him that she was not comfortable with him picking up the baby unless they came to an agreement on what time he would return him. Dad continued to rant so Mom ended the communication and texted me.

        Today Dad sent Mom and fb message and asked if she could bring the baby to him on Saturday for the day. Seeing as I am the one who drives her around she asked me. My response was, as long as the weather is okay then sure I can take her to drop him off for the day and pick him back up. She told Dad this and he flipped saying he expected the baby there Saturday at 10am or else.

        Mom made an appointment for tomorrow to speak to legal aid and start the process for child custody and access. I feel really uneasy in this whole situation. Is mom considered withholding access for just wanting to come to an agreement before the baby leaves? Is she withholding access if I am not willing to drive in a snow storm?

        I have drilled it in Mom's head she needs to be open and honest with the clerks and lawyers. She can't protect him any longer and she needs to let them know about his anger. She isn't worried for her safety (at this point) she is worried he will take off with the baby due to his threats.

        Any advice?

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        • #19
          Just my opinion, but ...

          ... I think Mom would not be unreasonably withholding access in this case. There is no order governing access in existence. Mom and Dad have no track record of child exchange going well. Dad will not commit to a return of the child. Dad has been threatening Mom, which could mean that she has a reasonable concern that the child will not be returned. Mom has made offers for Dad to see the child, which sounds like sensible ones, but Dad has rejected them.

          Certainly the child has a right to a relationship with his father, but this does not mean that the father's desire to see the baby takes precedence over reasonable, well-founded concern for the child's safety. This does not sound like a situation in which a competent, caring parent is being unnecessarily prevented from having a relationship with a child.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Beachnana View Post
            You need documented proof and then file for custody and permission to move away from the area. Then move Mom and baby out of the town.
            This guy sounds horrendous. Behavior inexcusable. I'd get the documented proof to justify the denials. Anything venomous on the fb messages? Doesn't sound like it would take much for him to lose his cool in an e-mail.
            Affidavits of friends and family's perceptions of the situation may not get the results.
            Once proof ..Then .. restraining order (with proof) and all the rest. I agree with the OW and everything else.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
              This guy sounds horrendous. Behavior inexcusable. I'd get the documented proof to justify the denials. Anything venomous on the fb messages? Doesn't sound like it would take much for him to lose his cool in an e-mail.
              Affidavits of friends and family's perceptions of the situation may not get the results.
              Once proof ..Then .. restraining order (with proof) and all the rest. I agree with the OW and everything else.
              It gets worse and worse... she just showed me a FB message from him and he told her that he will see her in court and when he gets a hold of HIS son she won't see him a day before his 18th birthday. She doesn't want to cut the Dad out of the babies life, but she also doesn't want to risk her baby going missing on the reserve. His anger is out of control. She told me today he called crying wanting to work things out and then about an hour later threatened her again.

              She doesn't have anything via email at this point, just FB messages and text messages. I don't think she has enough for a restraining order? He has not threatened her safety, just to take the baby away?

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              • #22
                Ya screen save all the messages. Or print screen. And save them all!

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                • #23
                  He's threatening abduction, IMO. Supervised access at an access centre.

                  Is she getting CCTB?

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
                    He's threatening abduction, IMO. Supervised access at an access centre.

                    Is she getting CCTB?
                    That is true... I have mentioned supervised access to her and she will mention it at her meeting tomorrow. She is in the process of getting CCTB... in all the shuffle in her move, she misplaced her T4 and can't find it. It has been a horrible process trying to access CRA to obtain it and she has called them 3 times and no one seems to be able to help her. Her case worker is now seeing what she can do.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                      It gets worse and worse... she just showed me a FB message from him and he told her that he will see her in court and when he gets a hold of HIS son she won't see him a day before his 18th birthday. She doesn't want to cut the Dad out of the babies life, but she also doesn't want to risk her baby going missing on the reserve. His anger is out of control. She told me today he called crying wanting to work things out and then about an hour later threatened her again.

                      She doesn't have anything via email at this point, just FB messages and text messages. I don't think she has enough for a restraining order? He has not threatened her safety, just to take the baby away?
                      The more I read about this, the more alarmed I become. This sounds like someone with untreated mental health problems. I think you're right, this isn't a restraining order situation because he's not threatening her, but given his threats to take the child away, I think the father should only be allowed to see the child under supervision - either at an access centre or in the presence of someone the mother trusts. I'm very glad the mother is getting help with income support, custody, child care etc to make the best of this disaster. I hope she isn't falling for any of the crying and promising to change.

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                      • #26
                        I don't think he has untreated mental problems. I'm feeling more like he is a young father and is probably being pressured by his native community to stand up for himself and get the baby back asap.

                        The problem is he is going about this all wrong - uttering threats? get a restraining order as you have more than enough proof. Let the young Dad utter threats to her lawyer - see where that leads him.

                        I don't see this situation improving on it's own.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                          She told me today he called crying wanting to work things out and then about an hour later threatened her again.
                          I have no advice to offer about your big picture, but this line reminded me of something I read a few weeks ago about narcissists.

                          They have three tools in their toolbox to get what they want: rage, charm and self-pity. When they use rage, it's anger and threats and hoping to cow their victim into caving in to their demands. When they use charm, it's all sweetness and light and hoping their victim will fall for it and return it. When they use self-pity, it's all crying and hurting and hoping their victim will feel sorry for them and be accommodating. If one method doesn't work, they flip to the next one very quickly, and just cycle from one to the other. This isn't necessarily done consciously either, it's just all they know and one of the three usually works for them.

                          If some version of this is what's going on inside that father's head, be aware of the tactics and stand firm during the rage and pity stages but take advantage of the charm phase.

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                          • #28
                            I know this may seem a stretch but please give it some consideration:

                            I worked with the Native community for many years. Elders play a very important role in many communities. Elders are respected members of the community and carry much weight and influence with band members. It wouldn't hurt to make a phone call to the band and ask to have a meeting with Elder who might be able to facilitate a supervised access. If the mother is uncomfortable with doing this you could make the call and perhaps set up a meeting with the Elder.

                            If the community is receptive then they very well may be able to assist the young parents. Bands have access to many resources.

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                              just FB messages and text messages.
                              FB messages and texts fly in court. My ex had an FB message of me in a private message to my buddy talking about having a beer that night to try and prove I had a drinking problem. A joke I know. Judge thought so too. But it was accepted as an exhibit and blown up. Same with a few text messages.

                              Threatening to abduct a child is no laughing matter. It's very serious. Whether it's narcissistic behavior or pressure from the band, doesn't matter. That may come out later. What matters now is keeping that child safe. Does the father know where you reside?

                              Personally, I would take those texts and FB messages to the police and in to the courts and get the ball rolling. The father may need a little wake up call and this may prevent something he may be impulsively planning in the heat of the moment.

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                              • #30
                                She doesn't need to wait for legal aid. Ask her to go to your local court office and attend at the Family law Info Centre. She can speak to duty counsel for free and even commence an application for an ex-parte order without notice because of abduction concerns. Bring the texts and screen shot the fb messages. He will have to respond in a timely fashion and petition the courts for temp access. Done.

                                I suggest she cease any more verbal contact as it will enrage both parties and just add to the conflict. I know talking to a 19 year old is difficult but this is a serious matter. Going furthur she should text or email him with regards to the child. This documentation will be valuable in court.

                                There is a difference between withholding access and negotiating access.

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