Special Expenses - won't pay!!

[polly4]

My boyfriends ex-wife, will not give him her copy of income tax return or receipts for any special expenses. They did their SA in 2010 and it has never been reviewed since. He is in a bad SA with him paying for most or all the special expenses.

Can he take off that portion of the monthly special expense and not pay it until she discloses her income and receipts.

He also believes that he pays for all of these expenses and she claims them on her income tax and gets back the tax refund, pocketing it herself.

We have been researching special expenses alot and realize they have to pay in proportion to their incomes and calculate the NET amount.

Any advice.

Also just recently read that she has to supply 3 years worth of income tax, is this correct? He has no problem doing it either? Wouldn't mind reviewing her last three years of income tax to show how she claimed everything the last three years.

Can he ask for money back from the last three years, because she pocketed money that shereceived back as a tax credit? (child care, sports, etc)

[standing on the sidelines]

geesh he agreed to something and now you want him to fight it?? He signed it and he should live up to it.

[polly4]

that was helpful thanks.

[polly4]

PS - he lives in poverty because of this agreement and has to borrow money from me or other family members to pay for it. There is such thing as a bad separation agreement, even for the husband!! His ex wife makes 85K per year, he makes 56K!

[DowntroddenDad]

File a motion to change, both the CS amounts and the way section 7 expenses are paid.

Special expenses should be paid proportionate to income, and receipts should be provided.

Have you run the numbers through mysupportcalculator.ca? Are they close?

[standing on the sidelines]

PS - he lives in poverty because of this agreement and has to borrow money from me or other family members to pay for it. There is such thing as a bad separation agreement, even for the husband!! His ex wife makes 85K per year, he makes 56K!

Then why in the hell did he sign it?? Did he have a lawyer??

[polly4]

File a motion to change, both the CS amounts and the way section 7 expenses are paid.

Special expenses should be paid proportionate to income, and receipts should be provided.

Have you run the numbers through mysupportcalculator.ca? Are they close?

We have run the numbers, with estimates of what she has eluded to in conversations and we believe he pays $200 more per month in special expenses than he should be. He also has to drive all the way to his daughters house to pick up his daughter (5 hrs one way) and back. His ex will not assist with meeting part way.

[polly4]

Then why in the hell did he sign it?? Did he have a lawyer??

He didn't have a lawyer. His ex wife is controlling and abusive and he said at the time he would have signed anything to get away from her. Unfortunately, for him he should have sought out a lawyer and fought for himself. I believe he felt worthless at the time and just didn't care. We were not together then, only wish we were!

[standing on the sidelines]

He didn't have a lawyer. His ex wife is controlling and abusive and he said at the time he would have signed anything to get away from her. Unfortunately, for him he should have sought out a lawyer and fought for himself. I believe he felt worthless at the time and just didn't care. We were not together then, only wish we were!

well that should work in his favour then, not having a lawyer.

That being said, try not to involve yourself too much in this shit with his ex. He is suppose to be the one handling it, not you. Yes support him but let him decide what, when and how to do things or you will come off as controlling yourself. I know its hard to step back but you have to.

Ask him to come to this board himself.

[HammerDad]

(I am gonna use the universal "you" here)

You can file the agreement with the courts. This will essentially make it a court order. They will assign you with a file number.

You then file a motion with the courts to have the s7 expenses section updated in accordance with the guidelines and requiring financial disclosure. You then file a copy of your financial statements. Be prepared to provide full and frank disclosure of the statements.

Also motion that child support be reduced to accomodate the high cost of transportation. The likelihood of succeeding in this motion will likely hang on who moved. If it was him, chances are bad. If it was her, chances are good. Or alternatively, that transportation be shared equally with each parent being responsible for picking up the child at the beginning of their parenting time.

You also don't pay s7 expenses that you don't have a proper receipt for. And unless the separation agreement provides otherwise, you pay proportionally to incomes. If you believe her income to be X, you can also determine what rebates she may receive for such activities via various tax return calculators. Then reduce what you pay by that amount.

Note, that the child activity credit is only good for up to a $500 tax credit, which would likely give a rebate of less than $100 each year. So unless the s7 relates to daycare, which is a hi expense, it likely isn't worth going to court for.

If the activity costs are high in general, is there a reason for it? Like is the child in rep hockey and looking at possible scholarships? Have the costs been previously ok'd by your b/f (if the ex even took the time to ask, or did she just register?). All this information is relevent should this end up in court.

[polly4]

The sep agreement states that he receive the family farm and the ex kept the family home, this has been stated since the beginning which 5 hours apartg. He uses 12 of his 15 annual holiday days each year to leave work early to pick his daughter at the 6 pm pick up time at his ex's house five hours away. He basically has no holidays to use!! Which means no additional time with his daughter. His ex doesn't care! Says meeting him cuts into her Friday nights!!

His daughter is in gymnastics, piano and swimming. The swimming is competitive though.

Thanks for all the great advice!!

[arabian]

Polly4

It must not be easy being in your situation. With that said I would offer a bit of general advice:

Only deal in facts.

If your b/f has not seen his ex's tax returns in 3 yrs then he would have no factual data on what her income is, rather conjecture and assumption.

Your b/f signed an agreement and had legal advice. If he wants to change the agreement then he has to go to court to do this.

Do yourself a favor and don't get involved besides perhaps finding out information for him. He may tell you how terrible she is but remember that the two of them are, and will continue to be, parents and have to find a way to sort through their issues.

You chose to be with a man with family obligations. These are responsibilities that will not go away.

You have two choices:

1. Be supportive in a way that encourages your b/f to look for solutions and compromises. Taking this approach puts you on the sidelines and you possibly help your b/f build good relationships with his children.

or

2. Be a combative and angry woman who will be resented by the children, the ex wife and, depending upon how involved you decide to get, quite possibly by the b/f. Keeping the fight alive will only jack up his legal bills and anxiety. You will be blamed for this.

Personally, If I were you I'd look for a guy who doesn't have so much baggage.....

[mom2three]

Before jumping on the pity treadmill, one needs to go through the agreement with a fine tooth comb. There is give and take from each party with respect to these matters.

If he did not seek independent legal advice that is extremely relevant and he needs to bring the agreement to the lawyer and seek appropriate advice.

But to make assumptions is dangerous. My ex and I have recently come to an incredibly fair and equitable agreement; only WE knew the personal circumstances that brought this agreement about. Is it 'unfair' on his part? I don't think so and I think he got a lucky break in light of all the circumstances that only he and I know; however, it may LOOK like that to another person looking in from the outside.

If there has been a material change in circumstances with respect to finances on his part then by all means be adults and speak with each other or mediate the situation or bring the matter forth via a court action. But crying unfair now will not get him very far, unless he can show he was not properly advised.

[Janus]

You chose to be with a man with family obligations. These are responsibilities that will not go away.

Of course, a guy who marries a recipient of support has only opportunities

I find that there are two messages:

A) Marry a payor: Suck it up, you have to shoulder the responsibility too. Should have thought of that before you married the payor.

B) Marry a recipient: You don't have any responsibilities, even though you knew that you were marrying somebody with children. Congratulations!

[mcdreamy]

Funny how we all read the same post and see different things..What jumped out at me was that he kept the family farm.

In my neck of the woods, the family farm would easily be worth quadruple (or more) any family home. I wonder if he took the gain at equalization. Presumably at the date of separation he also knew both households were 5 hours apart.

And I don't think swimming, gymnastics and piano are excessive S7 requests.