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Old 03-01-2009, 05:30 PM
OntT OntT is offline
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Default Is the separation agreement worth the paper it's printed on?

Hi all,
I have a couple of questions regarding my separation agreement. My ex and I separated in 2003 and divorced in 2005. It's been pretty amicable however my ex has started to do things that go against what's outlined in our agreement. eg:
We are both required to give statements of income each year. I have provided proof of my income each year. I haven't seen one from my ex for the last 4.

We are both required as per our agreement to notify our ex if we wish to introduce our son to a new partner. Well, I found out about her latest boyfriend from my son. When I asked her why she didn't tell me she was going to introduce him to my son she said she didn't realize it was in our agreement (funny, she initialed the page that stated this requirement)

We are to give 30 days written notice whenever either of us wish to take out son on a vacation. It must include itinerary, contact numbers etc.
I just found out about her taking my son to Florida for March break on Friday when she mentioned she'll have a legal form for me to sign next week allowing him to go. Again, she "figured" our son would have told me...

So, my question is, I can let one item slide but when I see her disregarding our agreement more and more what legal recourse do I have? I suspect it's one of those cases where she could come up with some sort of way to fight it and it could end up costing me a pile in legal fees. When we divorced the law states she had to pay half but she refused to and her lawyer said they'd make it cost more for me to fight it than to forget about it and pay half. Sure seems fair, doesn't it?
I appreciate any advice before I call the laywer!
Old 03-02-2009, 03:03 AM
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billm billm is offline
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The boyfriend thing and the vacation thing, I think that you need to just work on that with her, just as any relationship you sometimes have to remind the other person what you expect. Going to court is not really an option for such matters, as you already have an agreement, and enforcing it is not possible for such relatively small things. The boyfriend thing is a weird clause in my opinion - what is the point of having to tell you before she introduces someone to your son? As for the vacation, she did notify you, she just didn't do it as soon as the agreement stated. I would just remind her of the agreement, or better yet, decide what you think you need and if it is reasonable and ask her. In the end you can at least apply the same standard of following it to yourself.

The income statements though, that could be something that you should not let go. Does your agreement state what is to be done with the incomes - were you to automatically adjust support payments? What is the reason in your agreement for sharing income statements? If it affects support payments, then you should make sure you get it if you think she is not being fair, perhaps stopping SS if there is any based on relative incomes, or not paying for special expenses or something until she provides you with income verification as you have done - her not providing that is definitley not acceptable.

Last edited by billm; 03-02-2009 at 03:05 AM.
Old 03-03-2009, 03:07 PM
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littleman littleman is offline
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Are the income statements to be used to determine amount of child support or not? If so then I would definately push for those or if you have it from ehen you divorced the release form for CCRA you can always produce that at the Revenue office and they are obligated to release them to you. As far as taking your child to Florida........who has custody? sole or joint? if its joint then she has to by law inform you and you need to sign that you are aware of your child whereabouts during the this form it does state that you were provided with iternary if you are not do not sign thats illegal.....when I was married my ex had to sign it when I took my child to Florida for 10 days...and customs at the airport called the house to verify he knew that I had our far as being notified 30 days in ex is to do that for summer vacation however I believe thats a little much.......hypothetically what if this trip was only booked a week ago and the decision to take your child was last wouldnt want to deny your child you would look bad with your child and secondly your child may see this as huge in their young life.......thats my two cents on the trip thing........but whatever you do make sure you get phone numbers and addresses and insist on intinerary cause if you are called by customs they will grilly ou about it........child kidnapping tops their list right now along with terrorism
Old 03-03-2009, 06:28 PM
OntT OntT is offline
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We have joint custody. My point is the 30 days notice was put in our agreement and was signed by both of us. Therefore we both need to abide by the "contract". It applies to any trip-not just summer vacation. My ex said they started planning in December. She left it to my son to tell me (and he didn't) The reason for notifying each other of introducing our son to new partners is so the ex can be prepared for any questions/concerns the child has when they see them. My income statement is given to her to show that I am paying the proper cs based on my income. We felt at the time of separation it was only fair I get a copy of her income as well. Like I said, I could let this slide as long as other aspects of the agreement are being met. She has also announced she is moving an hour away with my son to live with her new boyfriend of 8 months. I posted questions about that situation in another thread...
Old 03-05-2009, 07:19 AM
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I believe that even without an order there is provision in the family law that states that the income information of the parent receiving child support, can be requested by that the other parent, not more then once a year. And that the request for documents and income information of the receiving parent is to be in writing.
Old 03-20-2009, 11:48 PM
joey joey is offline
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It was a nice gesture that at the time you signed the sepration agreement you both agreed to inform each other of a new partner. But as you've come to realize this aspect of your agreement is completely unenforceable. My agreement stipulates that my ex will inform me of 'social changes to the children's environment', however, she has declined to share any information about a wide variety of issues, such as her new partner, moving the children in with her new partner, her subsequent separation from said partner (and the children's 'step-sister' who went along). Yes, my kids have questions and yes, they want to talk about it. Difficult to do so when simple facts aren't being shared. No, I'm not interested in knowing about the details. just that there are events going on. Judge simply said that if you both aren't going to follow your agreement, why bother having one? Makes sense.
Best of luck, I try to encourage the kids to talk when they bring it up, but just to give them a channel to discuss such things.
Old 03-21-2009, 08:15 AM
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the income thing I can understand she should have to do that and so should you. I feel like either of you has the right to know where the other is taking the child for a vacation (more then a couple of days) and contact numbers in case of emergency. A detailed account of trip is really not necessary. As for telling the other parent when a new bf/gf comes on the scene that should not be enforable in IMHO. To me that is trying to control the other persons life.

Just as quick question, how old is your son?
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