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  • Need opinions

    I have read a number of posts and I would like to get some opinions on my situation.

    Possible going to separate and have a very angry wife. Here are details
    1. She teaches high school 2/3 of time and could be full-time.
    2. She says she will keep the kids and tell the courts its because of my drinking.

    My question?

    1. What is the likelihood of her income being imputed to full-time?
    2. What are my rights to the kids? I want at least shared 40-60.

  • #2
    Your rights to your kids? You are both the parents of these children. You share them. You each share your kids 50/50. Let her explain why that should not be the case, when it comes to settling/court, etc...

    Do you have criminal drinking and driving charges or something? Were you caught drinking and driving, with children in your vehicle?

    Were you charged with some kind of domestic violence, in relation to drinking?

    If not, then it's just nonsense, and a typical threat from a high-conflict parent. Ignore the threats.

    Comment


    • #3
      If you will be seperating, you should get used to doing communications with her, via email (or some form of documented, in writing form), when it comes to discussing seperation/children, etc.

      ex.
      If she tells you that "I will keep the kids, and I will say it's because of your drinking", and other crap like that, it would be beneficial for you, if that kind of stuff was in writing.

      There are many knowledgeable folks on this forum, who offer great advice, and have gone through the same. Welcome to the forums.

      You should also speak to a lawyer, to discuss your "rights", and situation. Some offer a free initil consult.

      Comment


      • #4
        I have never been caught drinking and driving though she knows I have had a few drinks and drove in the past. I have no criminal record and never drink anything when driving the kids.

        She wanted to kick me out of the house yesterday and I won't let her. If I leave what rights do I have to my kids before arrangements? 2 boys 14 and 11 both who I do everything with.

        Comment


        • #5
          If she is working the hours that she's always worked, then it may be harder to impute higher full time hours... unless you know for a fact that full time hours are available to her and she is refusing to accept them.

          You both are equal parents and have equal rights to your children. You should be focusing on equal joint custody, with equal access... 50/50, not 60/40.

          Comment


          • #6
            1. She teaches high school 2/3 of time and could be full-time.
            It depends. For instance, if she's also taking care of your kids in her off-time, it will be tougher. Also, it depends on job availability and her qualifications.

            I can tell you that most of the cases where I am that are successful for imputed wages usually involve people who don't work at all and incomes are inputed at a minimum wage level.

            2. What are my rights to the kids? I want at least shared 40-60.
            You have the same rights as she does.

            I can tell you first-hand that she's probably going to accuse you of a lot of stuff and threaten you a lot if she's that type of individual.

            You need to stop worrying about that and start worrying about you taking care of your kids and being able to prove that you do.

            If you do have a serious drinking problem...it doesn't exclude you from having custody or access as long as your problem is being properly addressed.

            There are a number of threads on this forum about custody and how to start good separation behaviors for parents (getting involved, documenting your time with children, using email to communicate, etc). Just search the forum.

            Mostly worry about being the best dad you can be during this process, protecting the kids from as much trauma as you can and learning to ignore the threats and nonsense from the other side.

            Good luck and welcome to the forum!

            Comment


            • #7
              Focus on the kids and being a great parent, not the soon-to-be-ex's nonsense. They will say a great many things over the course of your divorced lifetime, it is best that you grow a thick skin early and don't let it get to you, otherwise you will be on here all the time going on that "the ex said this...."....uggg.

              As was mentioned above, unless she has evidence that your drinking affects your parenting ability, it will be looked at by the judge of just another divorcee slinging mud. But, that said. If you do drink, stop or cut down drastically. Never drink around the kids. If you have a DUI, or a DV charge while being intoxicated, get into AA and really really take it to heart.

              Your rights to the kids are there. It is just a matter of whether or not you are willing to enforce them. DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE. Buy a digital voice recorder and keep it on at all times in the house. DL the recordings to a secure computer the ex doesn't have access to. This won't help in the lines of proving you are an active parent, but it will help defend against a false DV charge.

              Also, if she becomes hostile, never engage. Walk away. Don't raise your hand, voice, eye brow etc. Never physically prevent her from walking away.

              If she leaves the house with the kids, you file a motion to have the kids returned to the matrimonial home. She can leave all she wants, the kids stay put.

              But just focus on being an involved parent. Ignore the ex unless it relates to issues with the children (like school work, schedules etc). All the other BS is just that and meant to only get under your skin.

              Also, search the Forum and read The List.

              Comment


              • #8
                Never leave the house until an agreement has been made on custody/access. You both have equal rights to the house.

                Her drinking claims on you are garbage and the judge won't listen to them with no proof. Just like you can claim she's a crack head with no proof.

                The courts always look at the children's best interest... and that is to have both parents equally in their lives.

                Comment


                • #9
                  She wanted to kick me out of the house yesterday and I won't let her. If I leave what rights do I have to my kids before arrangements? 2 boys 14 and 11 both who I do everything with.
                  Cardinal rule #1: Never leave the marital home.

                  Its not her house...its your joint-owned marital home and your kids live there.

                  Start searching this forum for information on how to handle an in-home separation.

                  And start calling lawyers immediately and get in for a consultation.

                  Under no circumstances do you vacate your home. Stay away from her! Do not engage her in a fight under any circumstances.

                  Seriously..do some forum reading on this subject immediately.

                  <!-- / message -->

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thanks for all your quick replies and support. I have been staying around for the kids for years. They have been exposed to hell from her outrage. I suck it up to not hurt them but it seems its doing more damage. I would leave if she was amicable but it doesn't seem to be the case.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by greatdad18 View Post
                      She wanted to kick me out of the house yesterday and I won't let her. If I leave what rights do I have to my kids before arrangements? 2 boys 14 and 11 both who I do everything with.
                      She cannot kick you out. You have as many rights to be in the house as she does. Now, if you get violent or aggressive, she can call the cops and have you removed. Hence read my post above about not engaging her and the voice recorder.

                      Don't talk to her about stuff like this. If she says she wants to discuss this, ask that she send you an email with your concerns. That you only willing to communicate verbally about matters directly related to the children and those matters should be pressing (ie. she needs you to drive one somewhere or there is a school function tomorrow).

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                        DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE.
                        This. ^^^ Again, do not leave the house.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by greatdad18 View Post
                          I would leave if she was amicable but it doesn't seem to be the case.
                          Would you fall on your sword so quickly?

                          If you leave without:

                          a) an agreement for parenting time in place (hopefully 50/50); or

                          b) an agreement on how the matrimonial home will be dealt with (ie. sold or one of you bought out),

                          you will being leaving yourself at her mercy for when you see the kids or get the house sold.

                          Better for you to move into a room in the house (spare room, basement etc), move your personal belongings into it, BUY A LOCK, and set yourself up in that room.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I agree with all of you and this is how I want it but she gets extremely angry. I told her last night that I am not leaving the house. I would stop drinking and stay in my house. What about the consequences on the kids? I wanted to plan everything and tell them but she gets insane and wants to tell the kids right away without any thought.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Greatdad:

                              You need to realize the peril that you're in here if she's an angry, vindictive person and wants you out of the house.

                              You need to stop engaging her immediately...cut off all communication except by email. Do not fight with her in the house at all and find a separate place in the house to be in as much as possible when she's present at home.

                              As the posters have stated, READ THE FORUM on in-home separations and how to protect yourself.

                              If she gets to a lawyer and has a consult, she's going to realize real soon that the only way she can get you out of the house is on a false DV charge. Don't give her the ammo to do that.

                              Comment

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