A lot of recent posts are encouraging folks to get the CAS involved in their parenting issues. Am I the only parent here who finds that concept frightening?
My ex was charged with assaulting me a few years ago, and the CAS was called in per police protocol. They visited my home once, had no concerns at that time, and did not open a file. However, the letter I have from the case worker clearly indicates the CAS will find my children in need of protection should they ever be called to investigate a domestic situation with our family again!
The wording is clear. Not “may†or “might†or “could†deem them in need of protection. It says “willâ€. Period. No room for argument.
I have a friend who works in a group home. They had 2 children over the week-end who stayed at this “place of safety†for that very reason -- their mother was unable to prevent them from bearing witness to their father’s abuse. So the CAS deemed her an unfit parent and put her kids in a group home. How can it help someone trying to escape domestic violence when the CAS takes such an adversarial role??
Does anyone know if it would make a difference if the children were not physically present at the time of the altercation? Not that I want to orchestrate an unsafe situation, but every time I mention his moving out, he blows up. I could ensure the kids are away for the week-end and deal with the fall-out knowing they are secure...
Those familiar with my posts may recall that after the ex completed some court-ordered counselling, I made a huge error in judgement and attempted an unsuccessful reconciliation. I am now having difficulty getting him to actually move out of the house, which is legally mine (common-law relationship). I’ve tried every imaginable approach to ensure his amicable departure, but he refuses to leave.
Admittedly, it took me far too long to learn my lesson. But now that I feel strong enough to go it alone and am committed to ending our cohabitation, he’s using the system to control me. He knows I’m afraid to call the authorities out of fear they’ll take my children away. Plus, he has clearly told all of us that he’ll kill himself before going back to jail.
Things are getting worse almost daily. He is really unbalanced right now and desperate people do desperate things. Things came to a head last week and when it seemed a neighbour had indeed called the police, he swallowed an entire bottle of my prescription meds (to no effect since one cannot OD on that particular drug – but he didn’t know that since it was my Rx). It just demonstrates his state of mind. When things calmed down, he asked to stay the weekend so he could host a garage sale and get some money together. I conceded, even made up some signs for him to hang up, but of course there was no garage sale. And he is still in the house.
The kids’ have recently begun to parrot some of his insane notions. I am fully aware of the damage being done to their fragile psyches, but he is still their father so it’s really hard to just call the cops and have him removed from our family home, especially since he’s not being physically abusive towards us!! The children already see me as the ogre for forcing poor daddy onto the street with no money, no job and nowhere to go. Somehow he spins everything to be my fault, even his unwillingness to work!
After the scene last week, my babysitter’s parents had to tell me they no longer felt comfortable having their teenager watch my kids, because of their dad. His behaviour is just too erratic and they don’t want to put their child in what could be a threatening situation. Being a rational parent, I totally see their point. Not even daycare can stop him from taking the kids without a court order! So as much as it sucks for us, were I the sitter’s parent, my call would have likely been the same. And you guessed it, that’s my fault too. Bet you’re all glad you don’t live on my street :-o
All I really want is to live in peace and put an end to this dysfunctional relationship before it damages the girls any more. I can’t fathom my precious angels believing this is the way marriage is supposed to be! But at the end of the day, I guess I’d rather put up with his BS than risk losing my kids.
Please, if anyone has a positive story about the CAS being involved resulting from a domestic abuse situation, share your stories! I need some reassurance that my fears are over-blown…
Thanks for letting me vent! It sure helps to get some unbiased perspective.
My ex was charged with assaulting me a few years ago, and the CAS was called in per police protocol. They visited my home once, had no concerns at that time, and did not open a file. However, the letter I have from the case worker clearly indicates the CAS will find my children in need of protection should they ever be called to investigate a domestic situation with our family again!
The wording is clear. Not “may†or “might†or “could†deem them in need of protection. It says “willâ€. Period. No room for argument.
I have a friend who works in a group home. They had 2 children over the week-end who stayed at this “place of safety†for that very reason -- their mother was unable to prevent them from bearing witness to their father’s abuse. So the CAS deemed her an unfit parent and put her kids in a group home. How can it help someone trying to escape domestic violence when the CAS takes such an adversarial role??
Does anyone know if it would make a difference if the children were not physically present at the time of the altercation? Not that I want to orchestrate an unsafe situation, but every time I mention his moving out, he blows up. I could ensure the kids are away for the week-end and deal with the fall-out knowing they are secure...
Those familiar with my posts may recall that after the ex completed some court-ordered counselling, I made a huge error in judgement and attempted an unsuccessful reconciliation. I am now having difficulty getting him to actually move out of the house, which is legally mine (common-law relationship). I’ve tried every imaginable approach to ensure his amicable departure, but he refuses to leave.
Admittedly, it took me far too long to learn my lesson. But now that I feel strong enough to go it alone and am committed to ending our cohabitation, he’s using the system to control me. He knows I’m afraid to call the authorities out of fear they’ll take my children away. Plus, he has clearly told all of us that he’ll kill himself before going back to jail.
Things are getting worse almost daily. He is really unbalanced right now and desperate people do desperate things. Things came to a head last week and when it seemed a neighbour had indeed called the police, he swallowed an entire bottle of my prescription meds (to no effect since one cannot OD on that particular drug – but he didn’t know that since it was my Rx). It just demonstrates his state of mind. When things calmed down, he asked to stay the weekend so he could host a garage sale and get some money together. I conceded, even made up some signs for him to hang up, but of course there was no garage sale. And he is still in the house.
The kids’ have recently begun to parrot some of his insane notions. I am fully aware of the damage being done to their fragile psyches, but he is still their father so it’s really hard to just call the cops and have him removed from our family home, especially since he’s not being physically abusive towards us!! The children already see me as the ogre for forcing poor daddy onto the street with no money, no job and nowhere to go. Somehow he spins everything to be my fault, even his unwillingness to work!
After the scene last week, my babysitter’s parents had to tell me they no longer felt comfortable having their teenager watch my kids, because of their dad. His behaviour is just too erratic and they don’t want to put their child in what could be a threatening situation. Being a rational parent, I totally see their point. Not even daycare can stop him from taking the kids without a court order! So as much as it sucks for us, were I the sitter’s parent, my call would have likely been the same. And you guessed it, that’s my fault too. Bet you’re all glad you don’t live on my street :-o
All I really want is to live in peace and put an end to this dysfunctional relationship before it damages the girls any more. I can’t fathom my precious angels believing this is the way marriage is supposed to be! But at the end of the day, I guess I’d rather put up with his BS than risk losing my kids.
Please, if anyone has a positive story about the CAS being involved resulting from a domestic abuse situation, share your stories! I need some reassurance that my fears are over-blown…
Thanks for letting me vent! It sure helps to get some unbiased perspective.
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