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  • Going to court? over kids money and more

    I'm on my kids RESP money and my x wants to have his name on it so that he can get the money for my daughter's school. It's not his choice only as there are two parents plus my daughter. We couldn't co-parent when together. Close to $30,000 has been spent at 1 1/2 years of schooling with very few credits obtained. 28,000 of RESP has been spent and I did not want to pay full amount for first semester, but x said money is there, no stresses on her. I didn't agree but that's what he wanted. 2nd semester came and I said not paying since she bombed. She used her money that she had made throughout high school but was only able to get into 3 courses and she didn't even have enough for these. She worked very little in high school, not motivated to pick up extra shifts. Lacks complete motivation. Back in fall to school, general program, more RESP money spent, passed courses but said wasn't going back.

    My lawyer is going to send a letter as I do have very good concerns, as my daughter has not worked last year (x gave money so why would she) nor this year, not sleeping well, and no job this year. Living with x. Lawyer is saying if he files for court he could file and go for more at court and we don't know if he is going to file for support and said if he takes me to court I will only have so much time to get things together. They don't want to go to court because of the costs and if my x wins I could be on the hook for the expenses re the schooling if that's all he goes for. My daughter is seeing a therapist and it's not that I don't want her to go to school but how can I support her at this point. She is doing nothing, just staying home. When I asked her to go look at the program with her to see where it would take her, jobs, money etc. she said no. Then asked in spring time are you looking forward to school and she said I hate school. Asked again in about a month, I'll just go do it. My other daughter says my x is pushing her to do it and she doesn't know what she wants to do. She is 20

    She is seeing a therapist now re the sleep. She says her mind keeps racing and my therapist recommended if I could go talk to her but of course there is the privacy issues. I can't get ahold of my daughter, which I'm sure she is mad at me about this from what my x is telling her. Has been telling her lies. Even sent a letter from his lawyer lying in it and I can prove it. Not sure why he would do this?

    The money does have to get out of the account as there is quite a bit of money in there and this would be the best year, but I'm thinking if I could have a plan that she should show some responsibility and be accountable. Se can get a job, or get a loan, and see how she does and go from there. My x has also told the kids the schools that they can go to, and it's not his decision.

    My lawyer first said this is a parental matter but now legal with threatening court.

    Any suggestions would be appreciated.

  • #2
    First ... while it is in a RESP account ... I think the money is still "owned" by whoever put it there. So if you set up the account and your funds went into it, you are welcome to withdraw them for your own use (you will lose the associated CESG funds and whatever gains may have accrued as a result of those CESG grant).

    Second ... everyone has a different opinion on what is appropriate / needed for kids' education. My parents fully paid for my education and so I plan on doing the same for my kids (within reason). That said, not everyone feels the same way. I believe the courts expect a 3-way contribution towards out of pocket (non-scholarship) education expenses in the case of separated / divorced parents. Each parent pays 1/3 while the child foots the final 1/3 either through loans or jobs etc.

    Its not quite clear if you have already done your 1/3 bit. Also isn't clear if this was a RESP account that was in place before you separated and therefore still has funds that would be considered joint or ur ex's contributions. I think that would complicate things from your perspective.

    Obviously your child's disinterest in going to school isn't helping either.

    I think the question for you is ... if you truly only intend for those funds to be used for your daughter's education ... does it matter if she squanders the funds? How would this be any different from her being interested in whatever program she takes ... doing well ... while expending the RESP funds ... and then deciding that that wasn't her calling and she wants to change careers and go back to school for something else?

    yes its tough to see your children squander opportunities that you worked hard at to provide but in the end, sometimes you need to let them make their own mistakes. This would be a costly one for sure.

    As a final note, I do recall reading about a case where an estranged dad (he wanted a relationship with his daughter but she didnt) was forced to provide support for her education even though she wanted nothing to do with him. So whether your daughter wants to talk to you or not ... if she is convinced (by whatever means - at 20 she should be treated as an adult) that she does want to take the program, trying to fight it in court may not work. Of course the court could take a different view and appreciate that the child doesnt really want to or plan to make best use of these funds and delay granting of the RESP till a later time.

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    • #3
      Many of your questions about who can use RESP money are answered here:

      Educational Assistance Payments | RESP and Education Savings Canada | CanLearn.ca - CanLearn

      Basically, if you are the subscriber and the RESP is in your name (and not your ex's), you have to be the one to request that money be withdrawn from it for your daughter's education, and your daughter has to be registered in a program. Your ex can't have himself added to the RESP if you don't want to add him as a subscriber, and he can't determine what is done with the money in the RESP.

      I suggest reading through the material on canlearn.ca - you could save yourself a lot of money, as opposed to having a lawyer explain it all to you.

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