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Sexual Molestation.....Custody Change??

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  • Sexual Molestation.....Custody Change??

    It's been a while since I have last posted. I hope I can get some advise again.

    It's been over a year since my x gave me primary residence for our 6 year old daughter. Before that she withheld our daughter from me for almost two years while her new man played daddy.

    When I first had my daughter move in she informed me of abuse she recieved while living with her mom and step father. i.e. forced hot sauce treatment, spanking, hitting her with kitchen utencils ect. This was all reported to CAS before she lived with me and when she first came. They did nothing and treated me and my partner like we were the bad guys.

    About a week ago my daughter was involved in a situation with another child. Sexual in nature. This brought out alligations that her mothers man sexually abused her. Because I reported this in 2010 to CAS and nothing was done this time I called the police. They had an officer come over to interview my spouce (she was the one who our daughter told). They then involved CAS and did a 1.5 hour recorded interview with our daughter. They are now going to arrest my x's man and try to charge him.

    I was advised my our current CAS worker to seek full custody. This is because the mom was aware of the abuse and did nothing. She stood by him and with the physical abuse stated she thought it was okay because they couldn't find anything else that worked. We DO NOT believe she will leave him even if it means loosing her daughter.

    I really don't want to ruin my daughter's relationship with her mother but I need to protect her. Is full custody a good choice? And how to I go about changing a current court order?


    Current order is joint custody with me having primary residence and her having access every other weekend. These visits are often cancelled. We live 2.5 hours away from each other. Last visit ended early because her mom couldn't take her to the hospital when she was having an alergic reaction to a needle. She claimed she couldn't because she has two other children to care for.

  • #2
    "They are now going to arrest my x's man and try to charge him"

    In Canada if he is arrested he will be charged. Do you mean convicted?

    Comment


    • #3
      Yes. They are arresting him tomorrow.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Tank2 View Post
        I was advised my our current CAS worker to seek full custody. This is because the mom was aware of the abuse and did nothing. She stood by him and with the physical abuse stated she thought it was okay because they couldn't find anything else that worked. We DO NOT believe she will leave him even if it means loosing her daughter.
        Request that the CAS provide a written report stating the objective facts to all the allegations you are claiming here or to prepare an affidavit sworn to the truth to the facts (better) as provided to you by voice by the CAS worker. Unless the worker is willing to testify to their clinical opinion and professional recommendations it isn't worth much as an argument.

        Hopefully the resulting report will have some cogent and relevant evidence to support what the CAS worker is recommending happen.

        Comment


        • #5
          From what the OP describes, the ex's boyfriend will be charged and the ex did nothing at the time of the event. If the boyfriend is found guilty, there is nothing for the OP to prove and any evidence from the CAS would be supplementary to the fact of a criminal conviction.

          There is little to prove about the mother. She didn't report anything. If the assaults on the child happened (I am not being unsympathetic, but as far as the court is concerned the assaults are not fact as yet) then the mother did not report them. If they didn't happen, then she didn't do anything wrong. Once the criminal trial is complete, this shapes the family court issue.

          You may want to go to family court now, before the trial. In this case you have to show factual proof of the events. If you wait until the criminal trial, this proof will be provided by the criminal prosecution. So this is your first decision.

          If you go to family court now, you are setting yourself up as accuser and the burdon of proof is on you. In this case you are relying on the police report and the CAS interviews and have to put your case together with these.

          Here is the thing about seeking full legal custody, it is just decision making. Your ex has shown very poor judgement and there is reason to remove her from decision making, but this will affect only things like choice of school, elective medical proceedures, and choice of religion or church. It won't protect the child from future abuse or assaults, or bad judgement by the mother when the child is with her.

          Custody alone would not mean the child will not spend time with the mother. If you are worried (and all of us who have children would be in your shoes) then what you are seeking is day visits only, no overnights, and probably supervised visits. How far you go with this depends on what you can show in court and what the legitimate concerns are.

          Apparently the boyfriend is not completely out of the child's life, the immediate danger is past but he will still be involved with the mother. You have concerns about the mother's judgement and ability to put the child's safety first. These are all important issues. Getting full legal custody alone will not address these issues, she will still have access visits. You have to sort out your concerns and decide what type of restrictions you want to seek.

          Comment


          • #6
            I just want to say that I'm so sorry your poor daughter went through this. It's appalling that her own mother knew what was going on, and did nothing. I hope your daughter is seeing a good therapist for everything she's endured, and that she you both go through the healing process. Good luck with your case.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Mess View Post
              From what the OP describes, the ex's boyfriend will be charged and the ex did nothing at the time of the event. If the boyfriend is found guilty, there is nothing for the OP to prove and any evidence from the CAS would be supplementary to the fact of a criminal conviction.
              This may require a release from the Criminal Court System to use as evidence in a Civil Law matter though.

              Originally posted by Mess View Post
              There is little to prove about the mother. She didn't report anything. If the assaults on the child happened (I am not being unsympathetic, but as far as the court is concerned the assaults are not fact as yet) then the mother did not report them. If they didn't happen, then she didn't do anything wrong. Once the criminal trial is complete, this shapes the family court issue.
              CAS is the key element of bringing things forward in civil court. Furthermore, if there is abuse one would wonder if the Family Service Act comes into play and how? CAS could bring forward a protection order.

              Originally posted by Mess View Post
              You may want to go to family court now, before the trial. In this case you have to show factual proof of the events. If you wait until the criminal trial, this proof will be provided by the criminal prosecution. So this is your first decision.
              The best evidence on hand would be cogent and relevant evidence (report) from CAS to the accounting you have provided directly from the investigator in the matter.

              Originally posted by Mess View Post
              If you go to family court now, you are setting yourself up as accuser and the burdon of proof is on you. In this case you are relying on the police report and the CAS interviews and have to put your case together with these.
              If the abuse is sexual in nature CAS may have to take action though under the Family Services Act.

              Originally posted by Mess View Post
              Here is the thing about seeking full legal custody, it is just decision making. Your ex has shown very poor judgement and there is reason to remove her from decision making, but this will affect only things like choice of school, elective medical proceedures, and choice of religion or church. It won't protect the child from future abuse or assaults, or bad judgement by the mother when the child is with her.
              Exactly. Custody and Access are two different matters. The Access could be changed to supervised due to the other adult in the home and the incident of abuse (if found to be true).

              Originally posted by Mess View Post
              Custody alone would not mean the child will not spend time with the mother. If you are worried (and all of us who have children would be in your shoes) then what you are seeking is day visits only, no overnights, and probably supervised visits. How far you go with this depends on what you can show in court and what the legitimate concerns are.


              Originally posted by Mess View Post
              Apparently the boyfriend is not completely out of the child's life, the immediate danger is past but he will still be involved with the mother. You have concerns about the mother's judgement and ability to put the child's safety first. These are all important issues. Getting full legal custody alone will not address these issues, she will still have access visits. You have to sort out your concerns and decide what type of restrictions you want to seek.
              I am still wondering what responsibilities CAS has under their Rules in a matter like this. Reading the various Acts now...

              Good Luck!
              Tayken

              Comment


              • #8
                Cases like this always make me feel ill. If the child was really abused then it's truly horrible and the abuser deserves to have the book thrown at him.

                On the other hand, I've been in the shoes of being falsely accused, hauled in by the police, supervised visits by CAS and the entire "presumed guilty until proven innocent"... something that is almost impossible to prove and shouldn't ever be necessary yet it is.

                Kids sometimes play sexually, especially at that age. One of our friend's daughters described some rather bizarre and graphic sexual play with another little girl a few years older. Where did the older girl get the idea to play this way? You'll question her and out of shame she'll redirect the attention onto someone else in her family even if nothing happened. Suddenly the entire family is destroyed, kids are in foster homes where they are physically and sexually abused (for real this time), parents are turned against each other by police and CAS and end up divorced. The man spends the next 5 years trying to clear his name, loses his job, his friends, his family. I'm not making this up, it happens all the time but people are afraid to talk about it.

                Heard about the family whose daughter drew a picture of her Daddy protecting her from monsters with a gun?

                Heard about the two boys who were heard joking about sucking each other on the school bus?

                Even if there is zero evidence that abuse occurred, or that there is clear evidence that the abuse wasn't even possible (ie those two boys don't even ride on the same school bus, and that Dad doesn't even own a gun) the escalation and disproportionate response by CAS and the police ruins lives.

                I told the police until I was blue in the face that I was at work that day (completely verifiable evidence) and that the child was in the care of his day care (the same place he always goes for the last 7 months) doesn't stop them from destroying your life on principle.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Vists are completly blocked right now. This was done by CAS and the police force. I understand the difference between custody and visits. I was only adviced by CAS to take full custody because of my ex's poor judgement. The sexual abuse was reported by my daughter to her school and CAS almost 2 years ago while she was still living with them. At the the she was only 4 and couldn't explain everything. They ordered him to take anger managment and our daughter to do counselling.

                  Our daughter was interviews by police for 1.5 hours it was also recorded. CAS was present for this. From my understanding as I was not allowe to be in the room durring this she recounted the time that was already reported as well as a few others. They belive she is not safe there and said she is not allowed up there.

                  I am going to request supervised visits. But what I need to know is how to go about this. What forms do I need to change a preivous court order.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Our CAS worker is also being very helpful which is a sock as I have never found one to be so. She is getting me a summary of all past involvment in our city as well as getting documents from when I reported in their city.

                    I will ask her for a statment to bring to court. How should I go about this? And would I be able to get a statment from the ppolice who interviewed her?

                    Comment

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