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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #71  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:17 AM
divorcing mama divorcing mama is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I recall being told by some friends of my then-husband's family that if my baby cried all the time it was because he was hungry. They tried to get me to give my son unpasturated cow's milk and to put him on solid food after 6 months!!!! I did get some good advice from some who told me "don't listen to anyone's advice except for your doctor."

I think I ended up putting some rice flour or something into his formula after a while. I was fortunate that I had a neighbour who had a son 6 months older than my baby and she had kept a journal where she noted everything she fed her son and at what age. I recall finding it quite helpful to ask her what she did at what age etc.

Sleep? What's that for a young mother haha
hehe true. And you are right about people giving you advice. People becomes very critical about your choice as a mother and wants to pass on their experiences. But people fail to see that just because they have successful stories doesn't mean it applies to everybody else.

I pretty much learn everything from google....and some parenting books. And just by trying things myself....I still don't have answers to some of the issues, but i find that stressing it is no help either.

I was so worried about not having enough milk at the beginning and people were like " stress decrease milk supply so don't stress"....then it just became a vicious cycle ....
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  #72  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:19 AM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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it is not the milk, it is the nipple. His dad and I both have a hard time getting him to take the bottle.
And you will. Its not going to happen right away.

By the way, babies have an amazing sense of smell. So if you're around while he's trying to give the baby a bottle, its going to be significantly more difficult.

He's going to have to try...the baby will fuss and cry. Then he'll wait...the baby will cry. Then he'll try again. Eventually, the kid will take a bottle.

If the kid doesn't eat over a 4-5 hour time frame, then he drives the baby to you and you try again in a couple days.

Do you seriously think you're the only women who's had to wean a breastfed baby onto a bottle? Women gets breast infections or other illnesses which force them to have to do this all the time. If you get into a car accident tomorrow and end up in a coma, trust me, someone will feed your baby a bottle.

By the way, there are more than latex nipples...you may have to go buy a few varieties of shape and material (ie, silicone) and figure out which one works.

Last edited by Pursuinghappiness; 11-07-2014 at 12:21 AM.
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  #73  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:27 AM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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hehe true. And you are right about people giving you advice. People becomes very critical about your choice as a mother and wants to pass on their experiences. But people fail to see that just because they have successful stories doesn't mean it applies to everybody else.
You are a serious right-fighter.

Of course, other experience in this area applies to you.

Let me explain something to you. If something happens to you, your child's father will immediately get custody of your child. And in that circumstance the baby will not starve to death because you're not around.

By the way, in the event something did happen to you, it would be in the child's best interest that his own father have some experience in parenting him.
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  #74  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:33 AM
divorcing mama divorcing mama is offline
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I wrote that before you posted your advise. You somehow took it as if I was talking about you...


What is a right fighter?
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  #75  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:40 AM
divorcing mama divorcing mama is offline
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I think me as a "right fighter" somehow bothers you in some subtle way....cuz I am not trying to be? In fact you win pretty much everything you say?

Even my conversation with someone else gets analyzed by you extensively and you find fault in my statement... now who is the fighter here?


You can't really force others to take your advise too you know? You are trying so hard and now you are getting frustrated that I am not one of your little minions following everything you say.

You must be a person who holds some kind of authority in your career in order to speak with others like this? ( let me know if this observation is true)
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  #76  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:46 AM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Its someone who must be right with the intent of always winning an argument/debate rather than doing the right thing.

Basically someone who is self-righteous and can't back down and get some humility to recognize that sometimes being right isn't as important as being conflict-free and happy.

So I'll concede. You win...you're right. You're completely justified in not letting this child see his father because he won't drive, or you think he's not involved enough, or he won't do the parenting activities that you told him to do, or because you think his parents told him to do it, or because nursing at every feeding is more important than his parental rights, or because he didn't pay CS, or because of whatever cruel reason you come up with to deny this poor guy his right to see his newborn son.

You win! Congratulations!

What you'll soon realize is that although you might be successful in being a total control-freak and never giving this guy his fair access...the real loser isn't going to be your ex and his family. Its going to be your own kid.
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  #77  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:48 AM
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arabian arabian is offline
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PH I found that very interesting about the "smell" and it makes sense about the baby wanting the mother instead of bottle if he could smell the mother close by. Very interesting indeed.

I had such a difficult time as a young mother. I felt terribly inadequate. I was pretty lucky as my then-husband was an excellent baby father. If he could have breast fed I'm sure he would have gladly done it.

I'm sure the baby's father needs to get better acquainted with his son. The only way to do that is for him to spend a lot more time with the baby. The baby's father sounds like he's young and therefore it's likely that he would likely have his mother around when he does have the baby.

So next time you pass the baby to him be prepared with a bag of frozen breast milk and an assortment of nipples to try out and let him go at it. He might pleasantly surprise you and "discover" the perfect teat!
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  #78  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:51 AM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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You can't really force others to take your advise too you know? You are trying so hard and now you are getting frustrated that I am not one of your little minions following everything you say.
Yes, I realize that you're not going to take any advice. You are completely right...no one will ever convince you otherwise.

Nah, I just really feel sorry for any parent that can't see his own kid and I feel sorry for any kid that won't grow up having a good relationship with one of their parents because of one controlling, unreasonable parent.

I've been through a nightmarish custody battle and there's a lot of parents on this forum who've gone through nightmare stories of ex's who've trumped up every reason on the planet to not let them see their kids...its horrific.

But don't stop...keep going because its really important that you're right.

Anyway, peace out...this whole thread is kinda vomit-worthy.
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  #79  
Old 11-07-2014, 01:23 AM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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PH, that's why I just gave up. She's hear to be told that she's a victim and is absolutely right in everything that she does, and that her ex's family shouldn't be as involved as they should be, and that her ex will never develop the necessary parenting skills with time and patience, and that only she knows what's bet for her baby, and only the dad should have to do the driving even if the mom is the one that left, etc. etc.

I gave up a while ago. I can't even read any of this. Thank goodness I get my kids tomorrow for seven days straight, and get to somehow manage to parent them effectively despite the fact that I have a penis.
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  #80  
Old 11-07-2014, 09:39 AM
wantmyfreedom wantmyfreedom is offline
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Please look up the MAXIMUM CONTACT PRINCIPLE in family law. You can have abt a thousand reasons to exclude your child's father but the law states otherwise.

BTW - The domestic violence is irrelevant to access. The DV may affect access ARRANGEMNTS only. Your ex may have been the most meanest evil dude to you. He still has a right to have a relationship with his kid whether you like it or not. That is the LAW.

You are a number just like everyone else in the system. No judge gives a crap about the ordeal you've gone through. The courts will enable the two of you to split your assets, arrange custody, and set up support payments. This is costly....I'm talking thousands of dollars.

Also look up Parental Alienation Syndrome. You will be accused of this if you continue on the path that you're on. That will reverse the custody to your ex...guaranteed. This happened with WorkingDad on this very site.
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