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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #61  
Old 11-06-2014, 11:50 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Also, its more like he wants his parents to see the baby. Every time its about his parents... it is his parents feeding him $$ to go fight in court too. He wasn't even gonna come and see the baby until his parent made him a "to do list" ( advise from lawyers which includes visiting the baby).
Sounds like he has good parents who are concerned about their son's right to be a father. Good for them and he's smart to listen to them.

Do not discount the importance of your child to have extended family. Its would be a wonderful thing for your child to have the benefit of involved, loving grandparents. And they don't have to like you and you don't have to like them...you just have to learn to respect and be civil to each other and agree to do what's in the best interest of the child that you all love.
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  #62  
Old 11-06-2014, 11:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
For breastfeeding (yes, i know I have no breasts and can't tell women what to do with them) but from what I understood the recommendation is that it is at least 6 months exclusively, 1 year min recommendation till 2 years.

Breastfeeding: Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) | DNPAO | CDC


Really? I mean is this not for women in 3rd world countries? I'm seriously quite surprised by this.

I guess I'm a girl who grew up in the 60's and 70's. We tossed our bras, smoked pot ...

I can't imagine having nights of uninterrupted sleep for that length of time.
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  #63  
Old 11-06-2014, 11:56 PM
divorcing mama divorcing mama is offline
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
My son is a useless tit about things because I too did/do everything for him... I can't imagine my son a father (and I'd likely try to take control if he were) but then I do know that sometimes a person simply needs to jump in and figure things out. That's what I ended up doing when I became a mom. I recall being too scared to bath my son and my then-husband had to do it until I gradually became more confident. I recall crying my eyes out, many many times, thinking I was a terrible mother because my son would only eat jarred baby food and not the food I tried to make myself in the blender. I was fortunate that my mother-in-law was extremely supportive (without being intrusive).

Your ex probably needs some alone time with his mother and the baby. He will probably want to prove to you that he is a good father and so he will need time to learn to do things his own way.

Regarding the breastfeeding, I really don't know how you will manage to do this and share custody. Can a person freeze breast milk? Can you give the baby breast milk and the father feed the baby formula? I really don't know much about how things are done nowadays.
I have tried to bring some breast milk along for my ex and he finds the bottle not useful. And if the child is in his care, whatever he feeds him I have no control. If he wants to try feeding him formula I wouldn't know anyway- and if the child takes it then that is great! In the beginning I was so concerned about my milk supply and thought supplementing would hurt it. But now I do think if the baby can take some formula it is going to be so much easier for all of us.
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  #64  
Old 11-06-2014, 11:59 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Really? I mean is this not for women in 3rd world countries? I'm seriously quite surprised by this.

I guess I'm a girl who grew up in the 60's and 70's. We tossed our bras, smoked pot ...

I can't imagine having nights of uninterrupted sleep for that length of time.
Link17 has it right on. It is exactly what my nurse recommends me to do too. And since my son was born, I have not had one full night of sleep. He wakes up every 3-4 hours for feeding at night. During the day it's even more often.
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  #65  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
Sounds like he has good parents who are concerned about their son's right to be a father. Good for them and he's smart to listen to them.

Do not discount the importance of your child to have extended family. Its would be a wonderful thing for your child to have the benefit of involved, loving grandparents. And they don't have to like you and you don't have to like them...you just have to learn to respect and be civil to each other and agree to do what's in the best interest of the child that you all love.
I don't dislike his family actually. I just wish that all the initiatives were coming from him, not his parents.
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  #66  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:02 AM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Regarding the breastfeeding, I really don't know how you will manage to do this and share custody. Can a person freeze breast milk? Can you give the baby breast milk and the father feed the baby formula? I really don't know much about how things are done nowadays.
Breastmilk freezes extremely well. I just bought a kit with icepacks and a specialized bags which allowed me to pump at work and store the airtight packs in a freezer pack which I would bring home for the next day while I was at work. And this was years ago. They have awesomely cute little kits for this now.

If you can't afford to buy your own pump, you can rent a really good double one from the hospital for home use although they're not that expensive to buy anymore.

You can even buy breastmilk. A lot of weightlifters do it.

You can donate your own frozen breastmilk...there's a website for that too.

And yes, you can also supplement with formula.

Women's bodies are designed to time feedings very well. So if you skip a feeding, over a couple days time, your body will adjust to not get as full with milk during that timeframe. You just need to stick to a schedule.

You have to adjust to pumping milk and babies sometimes have to adjust to occasionally taking a bottle but its all doable. The argument that there's no alternative to breastfeeding all the time for every feeding is simply ridiculous. Especially since in doing so, you're denying a father a right to spend private time with his own child. Its fundamentally a very cruel thing to do to both the baby and its father.

Also this child is around the 4 month timeframe, so in about 6 weeks or so, you can start supplementing their meals with organic cereals which will help with the need for a least one evening feeding of breastmilk.

Either pumping or selectively weaning this child for a couple of meals would be no big deal at all. Basically, this mother is making a conscious choice to put feeding this child from her breast at every meal to giving fair access to this child's own father.

I've breastfed two children...and its not even reasonable to plan to have no alternative plans for breastfeeding even if there wasn't a custody dispute. Its like some weird form of controlling helicopter parenting that, in my opinion, is being done for a vindictive motive.
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  #67  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:05 AM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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I don't dislike his family actually. I just wish that all the initiatives were coming from him, not his parents.
You're making assumptions and its none of your business anyway. He wants access to his child and he's the child's father.
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  #68  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:07 AM
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I recall being told by some friends of my then-husband's family that if my baby cried all the time it was because he was hungry. They tried to get me to give my son unpasturated cow's milk and to put him on solid food after 6 months!!!! I did get some good advice from some who told me "don't listen to anyone's advice except for your doctor."

I think I ended up putting some rice flour or something into his formula after a while. I was fortunate that I had a neighbour who had a son 6 months older than my baby and she had kept a journal where she noted everything she fed her son and at what age. I recall finding it quite helpful to ask her what she did at what age etc.

Sleep? What's that for a young mother haha
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  #69  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:08 AM
divorcing mama divorcing mama is offline
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
Breastmilk freezes extremely well. I just bought a kit with icepacks and a specialized bags which allowed me to pump at work and store the airtight packs in a freezer pack which I would bring home for the next day while I was at work. And this was years ago. They have awesomely cute little kits for this now.

If you can't afford to buy your own pump, you can rent a really good double one from the hospital for home use although they're not that expensive to buy anymore.

You can even buy breastmilk. A lot of weightlifters do it.

You can donate your own frozen breastmilk...there's a website for that too.

And yes, you can also supplement with formula.

Women's bodies are designed to time feedings very well. So if you skip a feeding, over a couple days time, your body will adjust to not get as full with milk during that timeframe. You just need to stick to a schedule.

You have to adjust to pumping milk and babies sometimes have to adjust to occasionally taking a bottle but its all doable. The argument that there's no alternative to breastfeeding all the time for every feeding is simply ridiculous. Especially since in doing so, you're denying a father a right to spend private time with his own child. Its fundamentally a very cruel thing to do to both the baby and its father.

Also this child is around the 4 month timeframe, so in about 6 weeks or so, you can start supplementing their meals with organic cereals which will help with the need for a least one evening feeding of breastmilk.

Either pumping or selectively weaning this child for a couple of meals would be no big deal at all. Basically, this mother is making a conscious choice to put feeding this child from her breast at every meal to giving fair access to this child's own father.

I've breastfed two children...and its not even reasonable to plan to have no alternative plans for breastfeeding even if there wasn't a custody dispute. Its like some weird form of controlling helicopter parenting that, in my opinion, is being done for a vindictive motive.

it is not the milk, it is the nipple. His dad and I both have a hard time getting him to take the bottle.
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  #70  
Old 11-07-2014, 12:15 AM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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lol Arabian.

Every six months, every piece of advice about babys change. In my lifetime, I've seen doctors advise women to position babies to sleep in a full circle of positions....back, side, face down, back to side.

Younger doctors will tell you one thing, older doctors will tell you another, nurses will tell you another, midwives will tell you another, lactation consultants will tell you another.

When my mom had babies, they use to force shave you and give you enemas before birth.

Basically healthy babies are resilient little people and you should use a good combination of research, common sense, and what's convenient when dealing with them.

Whenever someone tells me some overbearing advice about babies, I have to roll my eyes. My biggest advice from dealing with the multitude of babies that I've raised or help raise is RELAX.

In this particular circumstance, there are a million alternatives than having every feeding from the breast due to a custody situation. That is unless you're trying to find a reason not to be fair.
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