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  • Support for 23 year old son

    A cousin of mine recently approached me asking some questions regarding his issues with his divorce. Knowing what I've been going through, he thought I might know. I told him what I though but I wasn't totally sure about how right or wrong I am. I told him I'd find out the answers for him. So here goes:

    My cousin has been separated for 5 years. He and his wife have a 23 year old son who is currently living with the wife and working full-time at a coffee shop.

    When their son was 18 and they were still together, the child went to university. Due to the parent's limited income, he received a student loan and lived at home during this time. After a year the son flunked out of school. Shortly afterwards my cousin and his wife split up and he moved out. The son remained in the home with the wife until a year later when he moved out to live with his girlfriend. He was then working at the coffee shop. He and his girlfriend lived together for a year and then he decided to move back home with the mother, who is unemployed. He was still working at the coffee shop then and continues to do so while living with his mother.

    Recently my cousin was offered a settlement by his wifes lawyer. He is happy with most of it except one part in particular which states that the now 23 year old son may be returning to post secondary in the near future and wants support for that.

    My cousin is baffled by this as am I. It was my impression that once the 'child' has in any way removed themselves from parental control, as his son did by living with his girlfriend for a year, and even though he chose to move back with mom because his girlfriend broke up with him, how is it possible that they could now come looking for my cousin to put the 23 year old through school? Am I right that this is ridiculous?

    Thanks
    GDGM

  • #2
    When a custodial parent makes a claim for support of an adult child, the onus is on them to prove that the child is a child of the marriage. But your cousin also needs to prove the same, which is easier for him than her. The son is 23, has a history of failing, and a history of being able to physically support him. He has no physical or mental disabilities preventing him from earning an income. The only problem he has is that he has chosen to live at home. I feel the cousin has an excellent case to prove the child is no longer a child of the marriage and is capable of supporting himself. Use the son’s history of failing and that this is just a ruse to get funding to facilitate a second attempt at an education. If he can work he can help fund his own education, living at home his expenses are minimal, and if mom is unemployed he obviously qualifies for loans etc.

    There are several case examples your cousin can make reference to and easily win a case not to pay support for this child to return to school.

    Comment


    • #3
      a little case background for a "Child of the marriage"

      Farden V. Farden is a very common case to refer to, see link below.

      http://www.canlii.org/en/bc/bcsc/doc...anlii2570.html

      “Child of the marriage”, the term is defined in s. 2 of the Divorce Act, supra: "Child of the marriage” means a child of two spouses or former spouses who, at the material time, (a) Is under the age of majority and who has not withdrawn from their charge, or (b) Is the age of majority or over and under their charge but unable, by reason of illness, disability or other cause, to withdraw from their charge or to obtain the necessaries of life.
      (1) whether the child is, in fact, enrolled in a course of studies and whether it is a full-time or part time [sic] course of studies;
      (2) whether or not the child has applied for, or is eligible for, student loans or other financial assistance;
      (3) the career plans of the child, i.e., whether the child has some reasonable and appropriate plan or is simply going to college because there is nothing better to do;
      (4) the ability of the child to contribute to his own support through part-time employment;
      (5) the age of the child;
      (6) the child’s past academic performance, whether the child is demonstrating success in the chosen course of studies;
      (7) what plans the parents made for the education of their children, particularly where those plans were made during cohabitation;
      (8) at least in the case of a mature child who has reached the age of majority, whether or not the child has unilaterally terminated a relationship from the parent from whom support is sought.

      Comment


      • #4
        Thanks a million for the information! He'll really appreciate it I'm sure.

        I just wanted to comment on one aspect of his situation. His son also has nothing to do with him. Despite my cousin's attempts to have a relationship with his son, the son has been very much alienated from him due to the efforts of his wife who has told the son a lot of lies. It's a very sad situation. My cousin was very devestated for a few years but has now come to accept the situation because he cannot change it. The fact remains that the 23 yr old son hasn't and won't talk to his father for about 3 years now.

        This young man has a history of being lazy and is much like his mother who feels that everyone owes her. He has turned down the offers of one of my cousins other relatives, who is a career development officer with HRDC, and who has told the 23 yr old that he may be able to help him get funding to go to school. Not a loan, but a grant that does not have to be paid back! Apparently this offer was ignored by the 23 year old.

        It really dawned on me that this is just another attempt to bleed my cousin dry of funds. It's very sad to see how nasty these things always get. As my cousin has said to me, if his son tried to help himself, he would be more than happy to chip in and help with the occasional purchase of books or other things for school. But when things get to this level of "legal" and people start to get greedy, all you can do is protect yourself and doing what's right or what you would have done were it not for the legal battle, is sometimes not even an option anymore. Now my cousin has to fight back inorder to protect himself. Everyone loses in these situations it seems.

        Thanks again,
        GDGM

        Comment

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