SS: Second wife's opinion, change the law

[Albatross]

I am a female 67 1/2 years of age. I have been in a second common law/marriage for 22 years. My first marriage lasted 26 years and ended when my husband left me for a younger woman. The year was 1985. I went to a lawyer and her advice was, “Oh women just get out there and take care of themselves these days” so I did that. I took only half of the assets my marriage had accumulated for 26 years, signed off for any spousal support or future interests in business or property. Out of that 26 year marriage I received a modest amount of pension money to be put into a locked in RRSP and one half of our CPP benefits once my former husband’s contributions and my own contributions were added together and divided in half. I worked two and three jobs at a time and managed to save for my retirement with weekly bank RRSP deductions. I have been at one of those jobs for 40 years. Our union pension was underfunded and lost. A second union pension was started. Since I was nearing retirement I contributed the maximum amount to this pension fund. Then came the recession we all find ourselves in and my retirement investments and pension have lost more than half their value. My current husband was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2005 and was forced to stop working. We lost all our health benefits when he turned 65 in October 2007. Since that time, we have had to pay out of pocket for a wheelchair, hearing aid, glasses, a walker, and medications he needs that are not covered by our government prescription plan. My husband has a former wife to whom he is still forced to pay spousal support. They were married 23 ½ years during which time she never worked. The family law says he must pay her spousal support until she dies or remarries so she has maintained a separate address from her alleged 22 year relationship partner and we continue to pay. I was 65 years of age January 2007 and that was to be my retirement date but the law regarding mandatory retirement changed December 12, 2006 so I continued working because my current husband cannot work and his needs must be met. We have hired yet another lawyer (5 over a 22 year period) to try to get the spousal support paid to his former wife monthly stopped or at least reduced. I now find myself with a $5.00 an hour reduction in pay, reduced hours of work, my retirement savings less than half their value, my house worth 20% less than a year ago and my car, a gas guzzler of little value, a disabled husband and many health problems of my own. I need to retire to become a full time caregiver to my husband and his former wife needs to be eligible for the Guaranteed Income Supplement and the burden of her support taken off our shoulders. The law for support for former spouses should terminate at 20 years and those people who refuse to help themselves and keep playing the poor damsel in distress at least allowed to qualify for GIS or be forced to live with their 20 year decision. With all due respect, people do less time in prison for serious offenses than the sentence we have received with the current support law. We have worked hard all our lives raised seven children and justice has not been served. The children, at any age, are always forced to choose between Mom and Dad as long as there is an ongoing support dispute. Fathers are always on the losing end of this war whether it be regarding money or respect and love from their children Is Canada a free country for men? Should men marry and have children? Is a former spouse yours for life? It is time to take up arms gentlemen and fight, be it a petition or any other means possible to force our political people to bring forth proper legislation to restore sanity to this situation.

[lawchanger]

Well said and I agree totally. Get off of your butts ladies and stand up for yourselves. I too raised my kids without SS and can hold my head up high and am sick of the poor me from to many ex's looking for a handout.

[mrix]

I couldn't agree more. However, it's not just men paying the spousal support! Some of us woman are paying as well.

[got2bkid]

Hi Albatros,

I am so sorry to hear of your predicament, your situations is truly unjust. I cannot believe your husband is not allowed to stop paying when his income has stopped, for very legitimate health reasons. The SS lottery-for-life in this country has to be done away with. Your husband (and you by default) should NOT be responsible for another capable adult for her entire life. I suggest getting evidence that she is in a common-law relationship, but "living" apart only to keep collecting SS. You may have tried this already.

I agree men should be up-in-arms about this. SS is intended to help an adult get back to being self-sufficient, and should not be used as a lottery to punish the payor (usually the man) which is what your situation amounts to now. It is archaic and based on Victorian times. Do you have a petition started somewhere?

[billm]

...
...SS is intended to help an adult get back to being self-sufficient, and should not be used as a lottery to punish the payor (usually the man) which is what your situation amounts to now. It is archaic and based on Victorian times. Do you have a petition started somewhere?

I don't look at it as a means to be self sufficient. For long term marriages, where one person stays home, the damage to one's career (or potential career) can be permanent. In other words, due to the agreement between the spouses, one allows for a permanent situation that they can never fully recover from, whereas the other does not have this and enjoys a full income based on a life of work. It seems fair in this situation to tie them together financially for the rest of their lives, unless another equitable solution is agreed to (one time payment etc).

Thoughts?

[doingmybest]

I do not understand why you can't go to duty counsel (free advice) at the court and ask them to help you put in for a motion change on the spousal support...to see all parties financial situation and re-evaluate do to the diagnosis and costs involved etc?

Also have you looked into programs like Trillium? I do not know if they help with Parkinsons....but there are organizations that will help, there must be a website for Parkinsons in Canada and how to get help.

Wow, I feel for you. I do not get SS, in fact my ex (who is in his late 20s) went for SS from me. So it is not just men paying....roles can be reversed.

I really think it needs to be adjusted in your case though. Is she still that bitter after 22 years of not being married to him to take from him (and you)? Was she not saving for a rainy day? And let's say they were still married....the money would stop and go into his treatment. She must have a heart...have you just asked her to think about the situation?

Good luck, I will pray for you that a sensible solution is found.

[Albatross]

SS: second wifes opinion, change the law

Thank you mrix, got2bkid and billm. for your very kind response. After 20 years of a marriage breakdown, any children of the marriage have become of age and the spouse, male or female, who chooses and has the privilege to be a stay at home parent has had more than enough time to move forward with their life. It would be unrealistic to assume otherwise. As to being self-sufficient after 20 years of SS, given the guidelines of the current family support laws, there should be ample savings to see them through to age 65 at which time they become eligible for OAS and CPP. They did receive credit for half of the CPP accumulated during the marriage at the time of their divorce, plus extra for each child they raised. What I am asking for here is that the law be changed so the stay at home parent is eligible to receive the Guaranteed Income Supplement and the burden of their support put on themselves and taken off a former spouse who has become disabled. When a former spouse, already paying SS, has taken a second wife or husband there is very little money left for retirement after supporting two households for 20 years. We have not had a vacation for 15 years. When my husband was first diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2005 we knew it was a progressive disease and I asked him at that time if there was anything he wanted to do while he was still able. He answered no because he knew full well there was not enough money to travel. We still had health insurance coverage then and could have left Canada for a last chance dream vacation. It is too late now .billm you speak of a lump sum payment to end matters. We offered that 3 times during the past 22 years. It was never accepted even though it was good money. Are you aware a lump sum payment cannot be used as an income tax deduction and that the tax has to paid up front? Why would a former spouse want that when the law says they can hang to a cash cow for the rest of their lives! When my husband and his wife separated 22 years ago there was no pension from his work. He was only allowed to join that plan in 1996 (Nine years after the marriage ended) yet she is still able to get a share of this very meagre amount. Got2bkid we do not have a petition started. I was hoping to hear from a women or men’s group who had already started to fight for changes and join in on any petition or movement they might be working on at present. Thank all of you again for responding and caring.

[VNL]

It is unfair, that the court does not seem to understand the longterm issues of awarding a cash for life sentence. The party receiving the cash is not going to want to lose that, I am seeing a similar case with my CL partner and his ex - she has a full time partner, they live together in her home sometimes, in his home or cottage at other times, but maintain separate addresses - she only works 2 or 3 days per week and claims she has no energy to work more. Even the kids see how unjust it is that she has lots of time & energy to help her partner build his dream cottage and travel and that their Dad and myself work full time.

[Albatross]

Prayers

Hi doingmybest. Thank you for your prayers. We do a great deal for The Parkinson Society trying to get help for as many people as we can. The Parkinson Funds are very limited and we give much more than we could possibly receive just in fax paper, ink The Parkinson Walk For The Cure BBQ's etc. My husband is doing everything possible to help find a cure for this progressive disease. And no his ex seems to get a high from his being disabled and her still getting SS. Some of the kids are very supportive and attend The Walk For The Cure but others are afraid of a backlash from their Mother so they don't participate. We understand either way. We love them all. VNL Cottage country. As if you and your common law partner would ever have the money or time for that in your future!!! We have to change the family laws everyone out there. Like I have said before 20 years of SS is enough for anyone to get on their feet and let them reap what they sow from there. I am typing this with wrist bands on My arms are so sore from working so hard while his ex enjoys the children the grandchildren and the great grandchildren. I will be off to work soon pain and all because SS must be paid and we have to eat.