After school arrangements

[HammerDad]

My ex isn't only demanding my place for the days she works, she wants it all the time. She originally demanded it solely to reduce her travel time and gas money and now it's about her work as well. I think I'm fairly reasonable but it's clear to me that this is a situation she will exploit.

And? What is wrong with the kids spending more time with you or in your house? If I were you, I'd be all for it.

You feel like you are being taken advantage of by your ex. Your feelings aren't as important as giving your kids a safe and comfortable place to stay, and in doing so, save you some money that the ex won't be spending on daycare for after school.

In my opinion, you need stop feeling like you are being taken advantage of. This is a win/win scenario for you. You get more time with the kids and save some money in the process, and mom knows the kids are somewhere safe. Is that really so bad?

[vocircuspants]

I can see your point, especially as it relates to her employment but should this arrangement extend to the days she is capable of picking them up but doesn't want to spend the time and money?

[HammerDad]

I can see your point, especially as it relates to her employment but should this arrangement extend to the days she is capable of picking them up but doesn't want to spend the time and money?

If it is not employment, than it is simply her choice to give you more parenting time. I'd take that and run.

Like I've said before, you can't fix stupid. All you can do is what is best for the kids. If it means making small sacrifices financially, or even in pride, than that is what you do. Because that is what makes you a good parent.

[vocircuspants]

But I won't get any extra time with them. I'm stuck at work while they would be there.

[Rioe]

But I won't get any extra time with them. I'm stuck at work while they would be there.

True in general, but you may be able leave early on some days and get bonus time with them. The kids will also grow to think of your house as "home base" especially if it is near their school and their friends, and as they get older, they may want to spend more time there when you ARE home, if they get the sense that their mother finds them inconvenient while you are welcoming.

[stripes]

I think this is a your-mileage-may-vary situation. It's clear that the issue isn't the kids, it's having Mom's friends coming to/hanging around the house. In some cases, this would be okay. For instance, if my ex wanted to pick up Kid at my place during his parenting time when I wasn't there, I would be okay with it (even though I wouldn't love it) because although I believe he is a jerk, I don't believe he would invade my property, bring his lowlife friends along, snoop, insult my partner, etc. But other people's exes would indeed invade, snoop, etc. It's a matter of who you're dealing with.

It sounds like the OP has had a lot of experience with Mom pushing the limits, ignoring boundaries and generally failing to respect his privacy. So in this case, it's reasonable for him to tell Mom her parenting time, her problem. I agree this has to be handled delicately so the kids don't think it's about them.

The situation should resolve itself soon anyway as the oldest enters teen years and can clearly be responsible for himself and siblings for short periods after school.

[HammerDad]

I too believe that the OP has likely had to deal with an unreasonable and overbearing ex. At some point we all likely have.

My test for the matter simply is, what is best for the kids? If this is best for the kids, I agree, notwithstanding how much it irks me on the inside. It is just the right thing to do.

There are other hills to die on. Getting more time with the kids (even if you really aren't with them) is never a bad thing.

[Links17]

Victory!... the tides are turning!

Trolls 1 - Gnomes 0

[vocircuspants]

Sure whatever try my shoes sometime. Keep in mind this is a mother that just told her kids they are considering moving away from the city and they may only be with her on weekends now.

[arabian]

Perhaps it's time for you to broach the subject of younger children living with you full-time with generous access to mother? OR are the children mother's meal-ticket?

I remain of the opinion that if you become a doormat for the mother it will never stop with just having the kids for a few hours after school.

Financially I would think that getting this resolved would be prudent?

[Links17]

did you see the recent case of the mom leaving her disabled 8yr old kid home alone.... terrible parents left right and center.... you should need a license

[arabian]

Victory!... the tides are turning!

Trolls 1 - Gnomes 0

You're just silly LOL.

Isn't it nice to have lively convos on here without anyone getting their knickers in a knot?

[vocircuspants]

The children definitely are her meal ticket. I'm not suggesting that's her motivation but it's gotta be a big factor or she'd be doing the job she has 13 years of experience in and being a SAHM hasn't impacted.

[arabian]

This BC case hit the news today - might be of interest to some. Deals with ages of leaving kids home alone:

https://www.canlii.org/en/bc/bcsc/do...5bcsc1658.html

[Links17]

Leave your kids with the drug addict, good idea!