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  • pick up after school on access days

    Hi,
    I'm looking for some clarification on procedure in a particular situation. Our separation agreement states that I have access to my daughters (ages 8 and 5) when I am done work on my access days. If I am not working on those days, they stay with me all day. With the youngest now starting kindergarten, I have accommodated my work schedule to be finished work when they are done school on my access days (2 pm every Wed. and every other Thurs.) So I am going to pick them up after school and bring them home. My ex is very upset and insists that they come after school on the bus to her home first and that she drive them to meet me at my standard non access time of day (4:30). To date because the youngest wasn't in school and my oldest was at a different school that was close to her Mom's house, my oldest went home on the bus (arriving home at 2:30 pm) and then 1 1/2 hrs later, they would leave to come to meet me at my work.

    Now with my oldest in a new school and my youngest in school, if they go home on the bus, this means considerably more travel time for both of them on those days. If I pick them up from school, we have more time for supper/homework/swimming lessons, etc.

    In summary;
    Total time spent in car/transit by Dad picking them up:
    Daughter 1: 45 minutes
    Daughter 2: 30 minutes

    Total time spent in car/bus/transit if they go to Mom's house after school on the bus:
    Daughter 1: approx 1 hr 5 minutes
    Daughter 2: approx 1 hr 15 minutes



    Total time at Mom's home before having to get in car to go Dad's work:
    Daughter 1: 1 1/2 hr

    Daughter 2: 0 minutes

    Ex is insisting that I can't do this. I think legally I can and it's in their best interests to save time and have our evenings less hectic and rushed. Separation agreement says I have access when I'm done work. I'm done work on those days, I plan to pick them up from school and bring them home.

    Thoughts?

  • #2
    What does your agreement say about making changes to access schedule?

    Do you and your ex have to try and reach an agreement first?

    Is there a clause about attending mediation before filing a motion to change?

    Your ex seems to be trying to stop you from expanding your access in a way that makes sense for everybody. IMHO, this is a control issue and if ex tells school you are not permitted to pick up your daughters there, you will probably end up with the cops in attendance and you don't have an order to do so.

    Comment


    • #3
      Unfortunately, there is also nothing in the current agreement about mediation, etc. We are actually in the middle of negotiating out a new agreement that clarifies all of this because the separation agreement was so vague. I have asked for mediation in the past many times without success. I did try many times to discuss this with her. The answer usually revolves around "they need to see me every day. They need to take the bus home every day"

      As to access, it doesn't say she has access during school hours, there isn't really any clarity. All transfers on non school days/holidays are at 11 am, so the morning definition has always been applied to 11 am. I already take them to school. All the current agreement says is:

      "The Husband shall have overnight access to the children of the marriage every Wednesday after work until Thursday morning, and on alternating weekends from Thursday after work until Monday morning.

      There is nothing in the current agreement about my work hours as to as specific schedule. Over the last 3 years, if I have left work early or not worked that day, I have been able to pick up the girls from school or meet her somewhere for transfer. It only seems to be an issue with her now that it's going to be a regular occurrence instead of an occasional occurrence.

      My lawyer has advised that I am following the separation agreement and that if she wants to change the access (to block me picking up after I'm done work), that she would have to file a motion.

      Comment


      • #4
        Your agreement says "after work on Wednesday and Thursday". It doesn't say "after 4.30" or "after the kids go to Mom's house first". So once you are finished work on Wed and Thurs, your access time begins. Obviously you aren't going to run to the school and get the kids in the middle of school day on Wed and Thurs just because you're done working, so the reasonable thing to do is to pick them up after they are done school. It's clearly your time, not hers.

        I would pick the kids up from school, starting today. If Mom doesn't like it and wants to file a motion to change, let her. It's a ridiculous argument - there's no reason why kids need to go to her house and wait around until she brings them to your house. As the kids get older (starting school or changing school), some of the practices may change (getting the kids from school rather than Mom's house), but the principle that they are with Dad on Wed and Thurs remains the same, and that's what you're following.

        I wouldn't worry about the cops showing up at school. The school administration doesn't want to get involved in this stuff, and as long as the children are with a parent or guardian (you are listed on their school records as a parent, aren't you?), they won't get in the middle of a dispute between the parents. Bring a copy of your order and birth certificates with you just in case, and go to the school to pick up the kids.

        You should also be commended for reorganizing your work schedule to spend a few more hours with your children, even though their primary residence is with Mom.

        Comment


        • #5
          Your wife has no leg to stand on. I would tell her that, since they are going to school now, you are going to take them when they are done school as those are your access days.

          If she wants to fight it, then you will counter and say you want a variation set in the order to specifically state.

          On days where Father has access, Father will pick up child after school every Wednesday and 2nd Thursday.

          My agreement as set by the judge even specifically states who is picking up Child after and before school.

          Those are your access days so you are responsible for transportation not her and she has no say either.

          I would do it, and wait for her to serve you. People like her need a judge to tell her what her boundaries are.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks everyone. Had meetings with the teachers today and informed them about pickup. Ex was there and she confirmed that would be happening. It took a lot of very firm emails, but for now things seem good.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by integrity View Post
              Thanks everyone. Had meetings with the teachers today and informed them about pickup. Ex was there and she confirmed that would be happening. It took a lot of very firm emails, but for now things seem good.
              Great news for you and a lot less time on the road for your kids.

              Glad to hear your ex got her head wrapped around the reality of not being able to dictate what time your access visits start on school days.

              Comment

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