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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #11  
Old 12-19-2012, 03:37 PM
good_mom good_mom is offline
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Yes, I will say some of the items on the list are irrelevant….I didn’t get to this point overnight. All our situations have history. Yes, I’m miffed about time with mom but I will get over it.

I want the kids to go and right from the start wanted to work on this for school…. I asked every week for five 5 weeks what the possible dates where and he kept on stalling…when I sent the suggested weeks he said he would send me the week he wanted before doing the official booking…did not do that! It was so we can make sure school was ok.

Some details on my situation….may explain my frustration…

I asked for an extension on Thanksgiving weekend and was told be back by 2pm…after him being 30 min. late I had to call him to see if he was on his way …arrived 1 and a half late! This is how it has been every time….late with no call or call with excuse given for why he will be late.

So it’s ok for me to follow the process we agreed upon but he can just ignore it?

I have not set any rules for the trip itself…what they can and cannot do on the trip… this is in anyway my business or place. His parents are to go with them so there is at the least 2 adults with good judgement with them. I have the obligation to insure their education, as for safety all in the context of the place and time….we could years ago do lots of things, we can’t do now. Times have changed and not every neighbour is the same.

I would expect him to tell me when I do something that is not in the best interest of the boys. I may not like it but I have sucked it up in the past and learned…that what you do.

Yes, I’m miffed and mad…I have to make sure all of this is done because he can’t be responsible….and that what sucks. This is the guys that quit his job with a 2 and a half year old and 6 months old because he needed to find himself. He got another job after being pushed by wife (me) and 3 months later was fired. I had to return to work early from mat leave and work tons of overtime to support the family. Having to nickel and dime everything....worked like this the last 8 of the 11 years of marriage….missing out on time with my kids to make sure they had all they need. I’ve had to put up with years of temper tantrums when EX did not get his way and I just would give in to everything do not have to deal with him...I had it at the end and had a burn out. This was not good for the boys…..not a good example or environment…so here we are separated. I was reluctant on joint custody but thought that this was best for the boys…I’m pissed that I have to be responsible but I can’t expect him this to change. So if controlling means keeping an eye out for the best interest of kids at time where he won’t then so be it.
  #12  
Old 12-19-2012, 03:58 PM
mom2three mom2three is offline
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I totally get the frustration. I bet the majority of us here do! I've been in your shoes and continue to be in your shoes but I have to let most, if not all of the crap roll off my back. For example, the last timewe exchanged the kids he called in the morning frantic asking if I could meet him an hour earlier. Not a problem, I showed up at the newly scheduled time and he ended up being a hour later than the usual time - meant I sat and waited for over two hours. We have been separated for four years now and the only time exchange has ever been "on time" was when he had his father come to pick up the kids. To this day I continue to show up at the scheduled time and use my spare time to enjoy those last few chapters of my book in peace. I no longer get frustrated at something I know is going to happen.

And I have no doubt he has done some irresponsible things. If the ex and I continued to fight about this stuff we would still be decking it out and CAS would probably have the kids cause no judge would think we should have em cause we can't resolve our issues.

And yes, you do continue to follow the agreement even if he doesn't - simply because YOU are a better person. If you don't, you simply stoop down to his level and become as responsible as he is.

I mentioned in my previous post that I am a control freak. To deny it would be to bury my head in the sand. But the greatest gift someone ever gave to me was to get me to surrender. Let things happen. Don't make them happen. When I stopped giving the ex the "speech" about being late, irresponsible blah blah blah, exchanges worked so much better, not only for us, but most of all for the children (who no longer have to deal with a pissed off Mom).
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