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  • My son was at home when my ex and I had some really explosive arguments. Fortunately they were often short. Not a chance I was going to let my ex get away with bad behaviour without me calling him on it. I look at it like training an animal - you correct the behaviour when the behaviour occurs - not 2 days later.

    I sometimes think this whole thing about kids being exposed to parents arguing gets a tad overplayed and is unrealistic.

    Comment


    • Yea .. parents argue .. at times it may be in ear shot of their kids. Give me a break.

      I think the words we're looking for here is

      Frequency/Intensity/Duration:

      In my relationship they weren't long, frequent or intense. And NEVER in the same room as D4. No patterns whatsoever ... which is why she tried to manufacture and falsify evidence .. getting caught red-handed.

      Comment


      • Not to sidetrack this thread but theres a difference between healthy fighting and unhealthy fighting. In my view, kids *should* see their parents resolve a disagreement in a healthy manner so they can see how adults disagree and resolve issues.

        My partner had two parents who barely fought or had disagreements. He sees that as unhealthy because he thinks his mom was a pushover. He and his ex did not fight healthy and Im now trying to undo years of damage. Ive learned through work training and counseling how to resolve disagreements positively.

        People are going to fight. You probably all fought with siblings and friends. It gets ugly when you bring in the shit with divorce. Kids dont have to see that and manipulating them via disagreements is a form of abuse.

        Comment


        • You didnt derail the thread Rock. A few posters her always make my threads about abuse. I could start one about rainbows .. it's all good.
          Great points though. Bringing kids into fights (asking to take sides etc) is a HUGE no no. Yes I'd consider that abusive as well.

          Comment


          • Uh huh.....

            Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post

            Almost 3 years of tears, heartache and at times sheer terror, that I'd never see my child again. My mom (Nanny) barely made it through also.

            But now....new horizon's .. start over .. I see a great future. The past and whatever my ex did is just that...the past now.
            ^^ This.

            It is emotional, over dramatic, error laden, comments like this that make me doubt your validity. If you are so affected like you say you are, the date of your daughter leaving would be absolutely burned in your mind!

            You said the date was

            I haven't seen or heard from her since Feb. 15th/14.
            So, it hasn't even been two years yet. How can you be saying almost three years? Did you forget what you said? Forget the date?

            Just saying.

            http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...aughter-17407/

            Perhaps because you have averaged 5 posts a day, every day for the last almost two years, you can't remember the details yourself.

            Comment


            • I never once saw my parents fight or argue NEVER EVER. When I got married I was 23 and assumed my parent's marriage was typical. Not. When the 'honeymoon phase' was over and my husband and I started to argue I really didn't know what to do.

              I read just today on web about a couple who recently celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. Secret to their marriage - never let the arguments last too long. They argued but didn't more than an hour.

              I think arguments are healthy part of marriage. Much better than playing the silent treatment.

              I agree that there is a healthy way to argue. Arguing can be an opportunity to validate the other person's frustration.

              Yelling - hell yes! Just keep the windows closed so the neighbours don't hear.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post
                ^^ This.

                It is emotional, over dramatic, error laden, comments like this that make me doubt your validity. If you are so affected like you say you are, the date of your daughter leaving would be absolutely burned in your mind!

                You said the date was



                So, it hasn't even been two years yet. How can you be saying almost three years? Did you forget what you said? Forget the date?

                Just saying.

                http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...aughter-17407/




                Perhaps because you have averaged 5 posts a day, every day for the last almost two years, you can't remember the details yourself.
                Perhaps you have a crush on LF32? You certainly are interested in his posts. LOL

                Comment


                • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                  You didnt derail the thread Rock. A few posters her always make my threads about abuse. I could start one about rainbows .. it's all good.
                  Great points though. Bringing kids into fights (asking to take sides etc) is a HUGE no no. Yes I'd consider that abusive as well.
                  I don't make all the post about abuse. You have been ranting about the shelter since November. If you have an issue with me, state it. Don't go all subtly passive aggressive on me.

                  And I am not the only one who has been skeptical. Surprising to see Tayken as a supporter now, especially in light of this.

                  http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...tml#post176882

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                    Perhaps you have a crush on LF32? You certainly are interested in his posts. LOL
                    Wow. How juvenile.

                    I am interested in the catfish phenomenon and not interested in new posters being sucked into lies.

                    Comment


                    • SadandTired - If you feel LF32 is guilty of catfishing have you brought your concerns to the owner of the forum or the moderators?

                      You have expressed your opinion countless numbers of times. I think that you have to let this go now.

                      I do find your posts about your experience working with the shelter to be interesting. Are you still working there? Have you ever encountered an experience where you knew the woman in the shelter was not truthful? What is your experience on how shelters handle this sort of thing? Do they refer the individual on to someone else or open the doors and kick them out?
                      Last edited by arabian; 01-21-2016, 07:35 PM. Reason: "forum" instead of "thread"

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                        SadandTired - If you feel LF32 is guilty of catfishing have you brought your concerns to the owner of the forum or the moderators?

                        You have expressed your opinion countless numbers of times. I think that you have to let this go now.

                        I do find your posts about your experience working with the shelter to be interesting. Are you still working there? Have you ever encountered an experience where you knew the woman in the shelter was not truthful? What is your experience on how shelters handle this sort of thing? Do they refer the individual on to someone else or open the doors and kick them out?
                        Arabian

                        As I have said publicly before, I respect you and your opinion. I do try to stay out of LF's posts but the details jump out at me when reading them and the inconsistencies bother me. There is no crime in posting stories on the internet so I have not approached a moderator. We are all adults here.

                        As far as the shelter, I worked there six years right out of college. My info is a bit outdated (15 years) as I stayed home with my kids before going back to work at the school board.

                        We were a shelter for only abused women and children. Every client's situation was explained/assessed by a crisis intervention worker before we brought her and her children in. It was just a conversation (no proof needed) but usually when you can offer a non abused woman other options, they took those instead. The shelter is no fun to stay in. Really it isn't.

                        We did not do housing crisis (although the shelter in a larger city close to us did both). We did have to ask women to leave for a variety of reasons. Often it turned out that they were simply in housing crisis (not abused - in fact sometimes not in a relationship) and we did not let them stay. We always referred them to emergency housing though. We never simply asked them to leave with no place to go.

                        Any woman under the influence of drugs or alcohol was sent to detox. If they chose not to go, they were still asked to leave. It was up to them where they wanted to go.

                        If we doubted a woman's story, we spent some time really talking to her. Any skepticism was dealt head on. Women were usually pretty honest when they realized we could offer them help accessing emergency housing or welfare if needed. Women who lied and were not abused but staying in the shelter were too busy to speak with staff about "abuse", were happy and shopping, etc. They gave themselves away but were approached by staff directly to help figure things out. We were only a 10 bed shelter so it was often full. Priority had to be given to abuse victims.

                        Sorry, I don't have much time now. If you have other questions, maybe start a new thread.

                        Will consider your advice to stay away from LF's threads. Thanks.
                        Last edited by SadAndTired; 01-21-2016, 07:50 PM. Reason: Typos from trying to post too fast.

                        Comment


                        • Shelters again? Okay.

                          I've never had an issue with shelters. Again, they provide a "needed" service and obviously help tons of ppl.

                          I just dont think that when a woman visits a shelter with their stories that that should immediately grant them sole decision making regarding therapy for the children.

                          That's it. I dont think that's me going on crazy rants about Shelters. In fact I see it to be quite logical. You've transformed that in to a big conspiracy where LF32 hates shelters. Not the case at all.
                          Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-21-2016, 07:53 PM.

                          Comment


                          • LF, I am asking you to stop deflecting and ignoring my points and address this post please.

                            http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...tml#post203836

                            I am seriously interested (as I am sure others will be) what your explanation is for this discrepancy.

                            Comment


                            • S&T:
                              I do try to stay out of LF's posts but the details jump out at me when reading them
                              The ignore function is a wonderful thing.

                              I've told the truth from day 1. Why? I wanted real advice that I could use. If I lie whats the point?

                              I've been on here a few years now. The truth is a great thing .. means I dont have to search through a bunch of lies when I respond. Makes it very effective in the courtroom too.

                              If I made this up I would have come on saying I achieved "sole", crushing her in a trial. I wouldn't have posted any little victories ex had like keeping D4 out of school... I would have ramped up the final order to be in my favor to show off (like the long weekends, etc).

                              Just because you "want" inconsistencies with my story .. doesn't mean there are any. You cant even provide an example of an inconsistency. If you can, I will gladly explain it so that you understand.

                              Speaking of BS stories. I think Tayken did a GREAT job of blowing the lid off of your own case:

                              Check out Permalink # 17 (and more)http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...tml#post111963

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                                S&T:
                                The ignore function is a wonderful thing.

                                I've told the truth from day 1. Why? I wanted real advice that I could use. If I lie whats the point?

                                I've been on here a few years now. The truth is a great thing .. means I dont have to search through a bunch of lies when I respond. Makes it very effective in the courtroom too.

                                If I made this up I would have come on saying I achieved "sole", crushing her in a trial. I wouldn't have posted any little victories ex had like keeping D4 out of school... I would have ramped up the final order to be in my favor to show off (like the long weekends, etc).

                                Just because you "want" inconsistencies with my story .. doesn't mean there are any. You cant even provide an example of an inconsistency. If you can, I will gladly explain it so that you understand.

                                Speaking of BS stories. I think Tayken did a GREAT job of blowing the lid off of your own case:

                                Check out Permalink # 17 (and more)http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...tml#post111963
                                Yes, you will have been here two years in APRIL. It is in the corner of your posts.

                                Ah yes, as I called it, more deflection from you. Answer the question! Why did you get the date of abduction wrong??

                                Here, instead of reading the past, answer this. Here is the inconsistency. Please explain as you have offered to do.

                                http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...tml#post203836


                                And take the time to read my responses to Tayken in my old doctor posts. Just because he ranted about it doesn't make him right. The doctor really did say that to me. No more explanation needed. Tayken and I have a long history of arguing but atleast he is upfront and open about his opinions. No avoidance or passive aggressiveness there.....
                                Last edited by SadAndTired; 01-21-2016, 08:21 PM.

                                Comment

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