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  • #16
    I find a few things about how the situation went down not right, and you need to go to court to get them corrected. From what you have said, it seems you either had a bad lawyer who did not do his job and was incompetent, or there are lots of other issues at hand that you have not explained.

    Support is a simple math calculation. There is no negotiation involved. If you do not know what his latest income is, then you need to ask for financial disclosure. If he left for 5 years and just showed up again, then you need to get him to account for those 5 years of non payment. The courts do not look kindly upon that, and will want to correct that. Child support is something that you can't negotiate away. It is not your money, it is the children's. You get to spend it as you see fit, as the government trusts that the money will go towards such things as food, shelter , and clothing.

    If the kids only see him once in a while, then you merely need to put your emotions aside for those few times, and know that it will not last forever. If he is as you claim, then he will give up, or the kids will give up. If it is a real problem, then you can go to court and get an order to change it.

    You mentioned a bit about abuse, and claim the kids remember it now. From what little you had said early on, I am still wondering about all your story. Are the kids truly remembering, or are they remembering what you tell them? My kids have told me stories that their mother told them, but problem is they never happened. I hope you don't take my comment the wrong way, because I do really have sympathy for abuse victims, but I have found that many vindictive women make the abuse claim, when in fact they were the abusers.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by monkees View Post
      The court order states after school they are to travel so I think he should know to respect their school schedules already. I really wish it was that simple Gary. I don't see my kids as possessions at all.
      You, as a custodial parent, have an obligation to FACILITATE access (that means doing all you can do to ensure it happens...) Advise the school in advance swo that the work missed can be done on the flight...then, no missed school

      Or, volunteer to pay the additional money to ensure the child misses no school, but access still occurs...your choice...but the choice determines just how effective you are as a custodial parent

      If it comes down to access not occurring because you will not allow the child/ren to miss 3-3.5 hours of school...are you encouraging and facilitating the relationship? Many parents home-school their children without detriment, and the average child misses between 5-7 days due to illness...in the grand scheme of about 190 educational days **950 hrs**approximately, where even 4 hours is only 0.42 PERCENT of the chil'd learning time in the year...is it worth the argument?

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      • #18
        Problem fellas, and she said it at the beginning, was that the Order was on consent...

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        • #19
          Yes but I could just see the judge's reply to a complaint if she goes to court and says that she wanted the father to take the kids on a flight after they finished school for the day, and then have their access for the weekend.

          She would loose, and pay costs, and that is just for a start.

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          • #20
            All of this over a half a day of school? My kids have missed more than that if their dad chooses to take them out to lunch or shopping after a dental appointment.

            If it were me, I'd spend a lot less time worrying about a few hours of school a few times a year and encourage them to approach every visit with an open mind. As a bonus, he's saving some money on the travel and can use that money to do something with the children.

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            • #21
              Doing what is best for your children may mean that you need to be FLEXIBLE. Understand that not doing so will come back to bit you.

              This is about supporting your kids relationship with their Father and if you deny there travel for any reason, you will be affecting that relationship.

              Back off and back down. This is about them not you and I'm sorry but school is not more important then a visit with their Father!

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              • #22
                As a victim of abuse as well, I think you are adding your feelings to this too much. Maybe he is trying to control you, maybe not. Take a step back and look at the situation as if you were reading it on the forum and not living it.

                You have your kids the whole year. Does it really make a difference for them to have a few more hours with dad, miss a couple hours of school? Are you losing any time in this? Is your opinion of their father impacting theirs?

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Gary M View Post
                  Me either.

                  It seems as if the author is suggesting that there is a Court Order that authorizes the NCP to pay approximately half of the CP obligations (by suggesting their arrangement is an Order and that the travel costs are only half of what CS would be) ...

                  Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it not impossible to negotiate child support away? If this is true, how could there be an Order authorizing NCP to pay what amounts to 1/2 of Table?

                  Something smells....

                  Cheers!

                  Gary
                  If a NCP has high access costs, they can apply to the court to reduce amounts, and depending on the province and the judge, they often will win either a reduction in child support, a reduction in section 7, or both...the courts are following the maximum contact principle, which is the #1 consideration in "best interests" tests: that a child of the marriage benefits from as much time as possible with each parent, regardless, unless it is not in their best interest.

                  What seems fishy here to me is that a court would not have ordered this if the father was soooooo uninvolved....

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                  • #24
                    The court didn't quite "order" any of that. It was agreed to by the parties and the court endorsed it. Both parties felt that arrangement was agreeable and the court looked at it and decided that whatever problems there were with the agreement were not large enough to continue the litigation.

                    The court wanted the case settled and the parties were willing to settle. It doesn't mean it was the best way, but the court didn't think it was grossly unfair to either side. I'm sure this happens all the time....

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                    • #25
                      It does...lol...but rarely to eliminate child support!

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                      • #26
                        Maybe the OP makes enough money that supporting the kids is not a problem? Maybe the guy was unemployed, in training etc and had virtually no income?

                        Yeah, it's rare for them to let him get away with no CS, but it does happen. And she always has the option of going back to court to get it modified. Remember...Custody and CS are are alway open..

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                        • #27
                          InterprovincialParents, this was an order by CONSENT.

                          I do thank dadtotheend for provding constructive advice.

                          This topic is not about them missing school or an extra 3 hours or whoa is me and I'm alleinating the kids, wanting money bla bla bla etc. It was to do with him following a court order. He is not reasonable and has not been flexiable with me over minor details in the order (not access related). Therefore I no longer wish to negotiate with him, just follow the order, keep contact to a minimum and only child related. Last time I attempted to negotiate with him I was barraged with numerous lawyer letters as my daughter neglected to call him directly at 6pm on a Thursday night as she had been at the orthodontist all day and her mouth hurt.

                          RSW or whatever your name is, I am so sorry life has dealt you such a crappy hand but please don't project your negativity on to me. My daughter witnessed the abuse and was the one who called 911 when he attacked me. I see that you have spent a great deal of time and energy on this website seeking much needed help and I do give you kudos for finding an outlet of support from other lonely bitter people.

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by monkees View Post
                            This topic is not about them missing school or an extra 3 hours or whoa is me and I'm alleinating the kids, wanting money bla bla bla etc. It was to do with him following a court order.
                            We get that! You want to punish him. We get that!

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                            • #29
                              Billiechic, it is for sure about control. I ask him to please follow the order, he chooses to call me names and inidate mt inbox with utter garbage for 5 hours then books the flights as he sees fit. I do not have an issue with them visiting. Their relationship with him is just that and I an totally emotionally disconected from it. The conflict he is creating and has created for several years is the reason I want the order followed, no other motive. Cheers to you for moving on with your life.

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                              • #30
                                Anarx, not the case. I just want the order to be followed so conflict can be reduced.

                                It is so sad that the majority of the people on here come with the pre-conceived notion that all mothers and ex wives are out to destroy their relationship with the dad, bleed them dry of child support, scream abuse, take the house, take the dog etc.

                                Comment

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