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  • #16
    Originally posted by Janibel View Post
    Good point! I've noticed that many long-term couples go their separate ways many years before actually divorcing. My marriage went to the dogs (literally) - as the ex's drinking/anger problems got worse - I invested all my time and energy into my dogs. Went to dog-shows, corresponded with other breeders, took classes. In other words anything but face the fact that what we had ... was over. The Ex would complain that I 'neglected' him in favor of the mutts!

    Craigerst's Ex found her escape in shopping excessively and I suspect his 'dope of choice' was his business.
    I bought books ... hundreds of books ... and read obsessively. Fortunately, this was a cheap addiction, as they go, because my bookstores of choice were the Salvation Army and garage sales. Looking back, near the end of the marriage I was using the same coping mechanism that I did during my childhood - using the written word to transport me far away from the trouble around me.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by stripes View Post
      I bought books ... hundreds of books ... and read obsessively. Fortunately, this was a cheap addiction, as they go, because my bookstores of choice were the Salvation Army and garage sales. Looking back, near the end of the marriage I was using the same coping mechanism that I did during my childhood - using the written word to transport me far away from the trouble around me.
      Yep, most of us learn these coping skills when we're young and chances are we stick with them for life. I'll bet anything that the OP would hide in a tree house when he was a kid or run off to some secret place to be alone when he was upset ...

      For me it was my 'mini-zoo' ... first kid in my high school to own a ferret .

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      • #18
        I finally made it home. Back to reality from my snowed in cottage. The trip took 11 hours instead of 4 but it is what it is. Now I am looking to relax by venting through my fingers and written word. Tough day for sure. Still waiting for response from my financial disclosure. Apparently from what I have been advised the ex has decided it is okay to sell mm home. I have wanted this for a long time. I now think with it being so close to Christmas I should just wait. Any real estate people out there who care to offer there opinion?

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        • #19
          Beware of real estate agents telling you your home is worth more than it is.

          I have sold both through realtors and on my own. When using realtors I have a rule to never give a realtor a listing for more than 60 days (30 days preferably). If you have the home priced correctly you should have no problem selling no matter what time of the year you sell. If you sell at this time of year you tend to have less competition. There are serious, qualified buyers out there year-round.

          Many people make the mistake of having longer listings so they can fix up their places. Many people think that by throwing more money in improvements at the place that they will get a bigger selling price. I believe that when people do this they become re-attached to the home and are less willing to negotiate on serious offers, thinking they should be reimbursed for the cosmetic work they have recently done on the place.

          Get er done and move on.

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          • #20
            I understand what you are saying and tend to agree. It may come down to a situation of do I want the hassle of open houses and keeping house clean yada yada yad as well as business year end and Christmas.

            I totally agree on agents telliing you what your house is worth. There goal is to first get the listing at any price. They can always work you down then.

            Going to have to put thought into this. It is a bit of a screwed up situation since I have been pushing to sell house for weeks. I was confident it was the correct thing to do. A different real estate deal that was closing in February was scaring me with a possible cash flow problem but now that problem has been delayed. As I said somewhere in this forum before every day a new thing happens that seems to put a new flavour on the situation.

            Maybe at some point I have to say screw it and get out and accept possible less value to just as you say "get er done"

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            • #21
              If a realtor knows they only have 30 days to sell your house they tend to work that much harder and will definitely recommend a "selling" price as opposed to a "tire-kicker" price. I never quibble about paying full real estate fees when list period is 30 - 60 days. I have successfully sold 2 homes with realtors with 30 days listings - one sold in 3 days and the other sold on the same day it was listed. Sure I could have jacked the price up and sat on it for months on end but I was happy with the profit I had made on the places and instead opted to get good solid offers, with no "subject-to" - take it or leave it. I purchased 2 homes directly from owners and had no problems whatsoever. Remember, possession date is entirely negotiable. Depending upon where you live, some people don't fancy moving in the middle of winter. As long as you get a non-refundable substantial deposit and the offer to purchase is executed properly you should be good to go. Proceeds from sale would be put into a trust fund anyhow until you finalize your equalization. You or your wife could access this money in trust on consent or through a court Order if need be.

              I hope you can avoid any issue with your wife about agreeing on selling price or which agent to use. Those are often the big hurdles. I'd get her to buy-in to the idea of a short listing period etc. right from the start.
              Last edited by arabian; 11-22-2014, 06:50 PM.

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              • #22
                Pretty sure we have worked out a mutually acceptable agent. We have a idea on what to list at but we may have different ideas on what to accept.
                Last edited by Craigerst; 11-22-2014, 10:08 PM.

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                • #23
                  Today has been a bad day emotionally. SO's anger is red hot. Thankfully my serenity prayer keeps me centered and I haven't reacted to the barbs flying my way though some hit their mark and sting.

                  Calm has now returned to the valley allowing me to escape to this Forum in search of some sanity. I typed in ups and downs which led me to this great thread. Many of the points I can identify with. Reading the posts remind me that this shall pass.

                  I'm feeling better!

                  Cheers!

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                  • #24
                    Hey Mike - hang in there. We all have those bad days with ex's. I find it helps if one stays in a forward-thinking mode. The Blame Game is pointless.

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                    • #25
                      Ups and downs you say? and then there's left, right and sideways loop-dee-loops! Sometimes it's the Ex making trouble, family members or bad news from the lawyers ... whatever it is you'd better get used to it. It's been almost 3 years and the Ex is still playing games and rattling my poor old nerves every chance he gets!!!!

                      I cry and rant at the 'unfairness' of it all and at the end of the day, all that matters is learning to cope with it one problem at a time. (It does get easier)

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                      • #26
                        Son and I were in a car accident a few hours ago. Lucky it wasn't serious. My head took a good whack on the dash and my back is kinda sore. My hands are numb. Yes we were wearing seat belts. So that's my day! All in all though, nothing comes close to the stress of fighting with one's ex.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by arabian View Post
                          Son and I were in a car accident a few hours ago. Lucky it wasn't serious. My head took a good whack on the dash and my back is kinda sore. My hands are numb. Yes we were wearing seat belts. So that's my day! All in all though, nothing comes close to the stress of fighting with one's ex.
                          oh geesh not good. You are going to feel that tomorrow

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                          • #28
                            My son say's I'm a wimp and that it "wasn't that bad" - good thing it's his insurance. I'm still a bit dazed. My chin hit the dashboard and we had seatbelts on so it was more than just a little collision. Son's first accident. He will now get his first experience dealing with claims people, body shop and insurance DEDUCTIBLE. Maybe he'll slow down while winter driving now.

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by arabian View Post
                              My son say's I'm a wimp and that it "wasn't that bad" - good thing it's his insurance. I'm still a bit dazed. My chin hit the dashboard and we had seatbelts on so it was more than just a little collision. Son's first accident. He will now get his first experience dealing with claims people, body shop and insurance DEDUCTIBLE. Maybe he'll slow down while winter driving now.
                              Great learning experience, not so great for your physical states, aches and pains, yuk!! Glad to hear you're alright!

                              As for the OP, hang in there, breath and try and see the good and positive in every day, situation...I saw separation as a learning curve, many ups and many downs, learnt a great deal about who I am as a person and STILL LEARNING! Best of lucky finding your happy place!

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                              • #30
                                You say that your hands are numb? I don't like the sound of that, perhaps you should take the day off on Monday and go see your doctor? Just to make sure.

                                Signed: Worrywortitis ((HUGS))

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