what kind of parent does this?

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

Primary caregiver has full custody. Ex used to visit kids (8&7) every other weekend.

Ex sold his business, sets up shop overseas, now only sees kids one weekend per month. Sometimes skips a month.

Ex asks if on his next visit he can take only one child with him because that child has expressed to the Ex that they wants to spend "alone time" with the Ex without the other siblinig.

The other child is nonverbal and severely autistic.

[Rioe]

Ex asks if on his next visit he can take only one child with him because that child has expressed to the Ex that they wants to spend "alone time" with the Ex without the other siblinig.

The other child is nonverbal and severely autistic.

Having a special needs child around all the time can make the other child feel neglected. It would probably be good for each child to have alone time with each parent.

Suggest to your ex that he alternate his visits between older child, both together, younger child, both together, etc, every four visits. Everybody gets what they want, but it's done fairly.

I do not have a special needs child, and I still find that's the hardest part of single parenting, being unable to devote alone time to each one.

[Links17]

Does what?

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

Suggest to your ex that he alternate his visits between older child, both together, younger child, both together, etc, every four visits.

Imo, that's a terrible idea for the kids. Both love their Dad. Only one can say it. Neither wants to go 2 months without seeing him.

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

Does what?

You have kids?

[Links17]

People leave their kids and never see them. Custodial parents leave the country and deprive the child of the NCP, People abduct children, People use children as pawns to get what they want.

This might be insenstive at best... Keep things in perspective.

My own son and daughter like private time with me sometimes so they get double the attention.

[Rioe]

Imo, that's a terrible idea for the kids. Both love their Dad. Only one can say it. Neither wants to go 2 months without seeing him.

Well your alternative seems to be the ex choosing to see only the non-autistic kid, which is an even worse situation. If their dad won't increase the visit frequency, and wants alone time, what other fair option is there?

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

People leave their kids and never see them. Custodial parents leave the country and deprive the child of the NCP, People abduct children, People use children as pawns to get what they want.

This might be insenstive at best... Keep things in perspective.

My own son and daughter like private time with me sometimes so they get double the attention.

I'm just having a bad day and needed to vent. First world problems I guess.

[Janibel]

Mine's an only child and all grown up, so I can't really speak from experience, but I do know that most kids want to 'feel' like an only child some of the time. With one of them being special needs, I would imagine that the other sibling may feel left out at times and want more attention focused on them.

If you can manage it, I would try to accomodate Dad's request if only to make your kidlet happy? Maybe alternate visits for each child?

[FWB]

I'm just having a bad day and needed to vent. First world problems I guess.

And you've come to the right place, as long as you are able to accept mixed answers and not just what you will like to hear

Some people lean towards the latter because they thrive on sympathy from strangers online, repetitive posts about the same malarky

[stripes]

Maybe the father thinks the verbal child really needs some "alone time" because his/her time with dad is always taken up with the issues of the non-verbal autistic child. I had two special-needs siblings as a child, so I completely get that. The father may also be overwhelmed and not sure how to handle a non-verbal autistic child, especially as the child grows. It doesn't mean he hates the kid.

These are your partner's kids, not yours, right? I think your role here is to support the kids in building and sustaining a relationship with their father, no matter what you may think of his choices. It sounds like your anger and hostility towards your partner's ex (your choice of username, for instance) may be clouding your judgment. I think you may need to step back emotionally from the relationship between your partner's kids and their father.

[Berner_Faith]

I have a cousin who is very autistic... she has an older brother that doesn't get a lot of attention or one on one time because of the constant needs of the autistic child. Just before Christmas the parents took the older child to Disney Land for 2 weeks and left the autistic child with the Grandparents.

This doesn't make them bad parents, this doesn't mean they hate the autistic child, it means they realize the needs of the older child needs one on one time and how having an autistic child takes a toll on other children in the home.

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

Maybe the father thinks the verbal child really needs some "alone time" because his/her time with dad is always taken up with the issues of the non-verbal autistic child. I had two special-needs siblings as a child, so I completely get that. The father may also be overwhelmed and not sure how to handle a non-verbal autistic child, especially as the child grows. It doesn't mean he hates the kid.

These are your partner's kids, not yours, right? I think your role here is to support the kids in building and sustaining a relationship with their father, no matter what you may think of his choices. It sounds like your anger and hostility towards your partner's ex (your choice of username, for instance) may be clouding your judgment. I think you may need to step back emotionally from the relationship between your partner's kids and their father.

Except that my partner and I feel the same way about the Ex.

He probably is overwhelmed by his child's condition. I believe his knowledge of it is primitive. Yet he doesn't ask about the kid, doesn't know or care what meds he's on, doesn't apply lotions he's been given to treat kid's skin condition (so kid comes back with terrible rashes after each visit.)

And if your kid has all these challenges, why do you leave the country to work in a jurisdiction that has no CS agreement with Canada, intentionally underemploy yourself by working for an old buddy at an 80% reduction of his declared salary at the date of separation, and demand for reduction in CS?

This kid stuff is just the tip of the iceberg. We truly believe we're dealing with a bonafide sociopath who uses anyone in his life as pawns to get what he wants. He has very little friends, and most people who do meet him regret doing so. He faked his parent's will to steal inheritance for crying out loud! Even his own family hates him.

[FWB]

doesn't apply lotions he's been given to treat kid's skin condition (so kid comes back with terrible rashes after each visit.)

Wow...Am sure there are some mothers also that haven't got a clue. A simple EUCERIN cream that you can find in the moisturizer aisle works wonders for rashes and the like. Again, it goes back to people's upbringing, if their upbringing was rubbish i.e. their parents didn't have a clue, one parent wasn't there etc, they are not going to miraculously become great parents themselves because all they ever knew was their parents way

And if your kid has all these challenges, why do you leave the country to work in a jurisdiction that has no CS agreement with Canada, intentionally underemploy yourself by working for an old buddy at an 80% reduction of his declared salary at the date of separation, and demand for reduction in CS?

It's obvious innit? Out of sight and out of mind, and the person that does this obviously thinks they are sticking it to the ex, meanwhile it's the child/ren that are getting the raw deal. Now I can understand if this "unpatriotic" move was done to avoid SS....after all nobody likes paying someone handouts

[Serene]

Except that my partner and I feel the same way about the Ex.

Put your feelings aside. At one point you must have thought differently as you had children with this person. Negative thoughts create negative emotions. He is going to be their dad for some time still, I encourage you to manage your emotions for the betterment of all.

He probably is overwhelmed by his child's condition. I believe his knowledge of it is primitive. Yet he doesn't ask about the kid, doesn't know or care what meds he's on, doesn't apply lotions he's been given to treat kid's skin condition (so kid comes back with terrible rashes after each visit.)

If the rash is *that* bad then bring it up respectfully and responsibly. I'm thinking you haven't gone to the doctor about these "terrible rashes" the kid comes home with and if you did the doctor hasn't called CAS so I ask you - Is it really *that* bad? I'm challenging you on this because if you want to find a reason for the child and their father not to be together, of course you can. If you want to find a legitimate reason, that will be much harder.

Remember, the perfection scenario is finding a SOLUTION to the problem at hand. Educate dad, educate the sibling about the skin meds if need be. Be resourceful.

And if your kid has all these challenges, why do you leave the country to work in a jurisdiction that has no CS agreement with Canada, intentionally underemploy yourself by working for an old buddy at an 80% reduction of his declared salary at the date of separation, and demand for reduction in CS?

This isn't your business. It doesn't matter. It is what it is. I empathize with your situation and from all angles this appears to be irresponsible but you won't get these answers and even if you did, they won't make sense to you. Worrying and wondering these things are useless ways to try and control a situation. So just stop!

This kid stuff is just the tip of the iceberg. We truly believe we're dealing with a bonafide sociopath who uses anyone in his life as pawns to get what he wants.

Truth is - it is not illegal to be a sociopath. And how are you qualified to diagnose this personality? I sense your anger for dad. I would bet the children do to... tread lightly.

He has very little friends, and most people who do meet him regret doing so. He faked his parent's will to steal inheritance for crying out loud! Even his own family hates him.

His friendships are not relevant. They are not your business. You should be spending NO time worrying or thinking about his friendships. You are too absorbed in his personal life.


My post was not intended to offend. It is matter of fact. You need to remove the emotions and look at the facts. Remember: A problem without a solution is not a problem, but a fact. And one to be coped with over time.

Read that out loud several times a day. You are confusing facts with your problems.