time to move?

[mgforums]

Hi.

I'm considering moving out all tho my intention was to stay until
we had the details of our separation/divorce worked out.That has stalled and in fact is digressing.My wife refuses to talk about or acknowledge anything I have brought up.

I have to say the main factor here is that I just learned through a 3rd party that she wants sole custody of our son.Which is ludicrous considering Ive been the main care-giver and that she was basically not around much.No matter .. I would not want either of us to have sole-custody.


Obviously this is causing a lot of stress & a few blow-ups on both our parts.Fortunately not around our son.However I know he is feeling it.

So rather expose him to this I thought I should move out and resolve the rest whatever best way.

Its going to be very tricky indeed.And my income may suffer as I work in the house self-employed and may not have the space or money to set up shop in a proper place right away.

I guess this is pretty common and I'm just wondering what others may have experienced or decided at this turning point.


M

[standing on the sidelines]

I take it there is no way to avoid her in the house? It is great that you are thinking of the stress this is putting your son under, too bad she is not as good a parent as you. Try not to put much stock in what third parties say. Things have a habit of getting misconstrued when information gets passed around.

Was the divorce something that she was expecting? If not then she probably feels bllindsided and unprepared and that is why she is lashing out. It will be hard but try and sit down with her in a calm manner, (do not mention the agreements divorce) and tell her why this is the best for both of you. Stress to her that you have to work together to be the best parents that you both can be for the child. when she raises her voice to you just tell her when she is ready to discuss things in a rational manner you will then walk away to a different room.

[billm]

If you are the main care giver, and you want shared custody (50/50?), and she wants sole custody, then you should be very careful about moving out. She could easily deny you access and make it hard for you. You should not move out until you have a suitable place for your work, and a written agreement for custody.

[mgforums]

Thanks alot.

No-she/we were not blind-sided.This has been in the works for well over a year as far as a possible direction.I think she just ignored it and did no research on the Ontario laws..and now is in a complete state of denial.

I have tried to avoid her...its just getting ridiculously creepy and plain silly. Both our moods are quite down.She is also taunting me with stuff like "Good Luck-see what you can get".Of course Ive reacted emotionally at times.

Her English is not that great either which doesn't help.And I'm sure she is getting advice from people from her country of origin who are judging the situation by ancient traditions.

I think I will have to meet with her today and give it one last shot(to stay & sort out divorce!).Now Im wondering if it may be more disruptive for me to up & leave.As my original intent was to stay-sort out the details-then have a heart to heart with my son...then leave over a period of a month or so.

Hopefully he wont feel as hurt or abandoned then.

I take it there is no way to avoid her in the house? It is great that you are thinking of the stress this is putting your son under, too bad she is not as good a parent as you. Try not to put much stock in what third parties say. Things have a habit of getting misconstrued when information gets passed around.

Was the divorce something that she was expecting? If not then she probably feels bllindsided and unprepared and that is why she is lashing out. It will be hard but try and sit down with her in a calm manner, (do not mention the agreements divorce) and tell her why this is the best for both of you. Stress to her that you have to work together to be the best parents that you both can be for the child. when she raises her voice to you just tell her when she is ready to discuss things in a rational manner you will then walk away to a different room.

[mgforums]

Thanks alot- didn't think she would deny me-but the way things are goin...

Yes at least I should have (joint/shared) custody in agreement-lawyers could always fight the rest out later I suppose.As it could drag on.The work/house/space thing is vital as I have just put myself out on the job market in the last year..and work is looking really good.My clients would not like it if I started turning down jobs.

M

If you are the main care giver, and you want shared custody (50/50?), and she wants sole custody, then you should be very careful about moving out. She could easily deny you access and make it hard for you. You should not move out until you have a suitable place for your work, and a written agreement for custody.

[About_Time]

Once you move out, it becomes exponentially harder to get 50/50 or sole custody. My biggest regret is moving out before I had a custody order worked out. It seems like a reasonable idea at the time but it can really really screw you in the long term.