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  • Been Served papers...Now what ?

    I arrived home from work today to find that I have been served legal papers from my wifes attorney. I received them today Sept 7 at 4 pm and I must act on them by Sept 9. They basically say that she demands that I relinquish the house to her by this Sunday and that she be allowed to live in the house alone with the kids for the next 7 days and then I get to live in the house alone with the kids the following week and so on and so on. They also demand that I re-instate her to my work benefits plan (because after she ran off with another guy after our 21 years together) I took her off my medical and dental plan from work. They also state that I am abusive and harrassing and if I do not agree to all her demands that they will ask for an emergency hearing to have me removed from the home and give her interim custody of the kids .

    This is coming from a woman who moved in with her boyfriend 3 weeks after telling me she wanted a separation. She has not paid a bill in this house in 6 months, did not come and see any of her kids soccer games all summer and has not slept in the matrimonial home even one minute in over a month .

    My questions are, can she actually do this or are they bluffing ?

    How can I make a proper decision with only 1 days notice ?

    What should my lawyerdo to fight this ?

    I need help fast.

  • #2
    I would get a lawyer tomorrow. Take the day off work and see a few if you can.

    Who put the deadline on the response? Was it her lawyer or the court? If it was her lawyer, the deadline means little. Should they make a motion in court stating you didn't respond in time for their established deadline, you can simply argue you received their request with less than 48 hours to respond, which is an unreasonably short time period.

    But you are going to need a lawyer. I would state that your ex has willfully removed herself from the matrimonial home and ceased to contribute, effectively abandoning it as her residence for X period of months. But to be really honest, you made a huge tactical error in that the minute your STBX moved out, you should have made a motion to the courts for exclusive possession of the house and that a parenting time schedule be put in place.

    How often has she had the kids since she left? How often have you encouraged the kids to go with her? Have you established a parenting time schedule already? Why, when she left you with the kids, did you not file a motion in court to seek joint custody and primary residence of the kids?

    You made a mistake taking her off your benefits, as you will appear spiteful. Unless it is costing you lots (probably not, given you need family benefits for your kids) put her back on.

    As for abusive, they can claim the sun, moon and the stars, but unless she can prove it, it is air. However, this is a glimpse of how they are going to portray you should you end up in court. Protect yourself around her. Document all your involvement with your children. Edit - Buy a digital recorder and record 100% of the time when you are in her presense, and, if you can, never be alone in her presense (even if you are recording). DL the recordings each night to a secure computer.

    You will need a lawyer. Your focus should be on your children. The material stuff will get worked out as the numbers are numbers. Your focus needs to be on your kids and maintaining your active involvement in their life and ensuring they are sheltered from the BS that is divorce. Do not talk bad about their mom in their presense. Encourage them to have a relationship. If mom fails to live up to her part of the bargain, that is her fault.

    Chances are she finally saw a lawyer, saw how bad of shape she was in (you could have got an order for exclusive residence of the house, primary residence of the kids, child support etc)....but luckily for her you sat on your thumbs, and is now is using your huge screw up to fix her screw up by getting back in the house with the kids.

    Comment


    • #3
      How long has she been removed from the house? Did she take any major personal items with her? e.g.. Clothes, jewelry, personal pictures , etc., this may show intent to permanently leave at the time.

      On the flip of all this, I am an advocate for rebuttable equal shred parenting. If you two could work out an equal regime this (could?) be good for the kids and the both of you. Also, If you could rotate out of the house and let the kids stay put I will buy both of you a steal dinner !

      Comment


      • #4
        Yes, obviously not smart on my part to "sit on my thumbs" but she had asked me to give her some time to get her act together and find a place that she can rent / buy. She claimed we could work out a separation deal on our own and not have to involve lawyers. I believed her. Big mistake.

        Then again, I am new to this divorce thing and never thought in a million years that she would take advantage of me like that.

        I can prove alot of things. Yes I encouraged her to spend time with the kids. I coached 2 out of the 3 boys all summer long in their soccer leagues and she never attended any of their games. I can prove that she stole money from me, forgery and more.

        I guess my lawyerwill have to set me on the right path now.

        Comment


        • #5
          What you will need are dates and schedules.

          Figure out the date she left. If she rented her own place, then the approximate date that happened.

          Also the dates she saw the kids to the best of your memory.

          If she took money, that will have little relevance to the children but may have more weight to equalization.

          What you need to do is prove you've been the best, most involved dad you can be. Show (by journalling) that you have been a stable factor in your kids lives.

          Yes, you screwed up, we all do. What is best is to work from here to minimize the damage. You don't want to be out of the house with a "nesting" arrangement. You reply with providing her a reasonable parenting time schedule, like every other weekend and 1-2 dinners a week. You also file a motion in court for exclusive possession of the house, as she has not contributed for X months. These things can happen at the same time, although, it will probably piss her off if you do the latter.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by sens19 View Post
            I arrived home from work today to find that I have been served legal papers from my wifes attorney. I received them today Sept 7 at 4 pm and I must act on them by Sept 9. They basically say that she demands that I relinquish the house to her by this Sunday and that she be allowed to live in the house alone with the kids for the next 7 days and then I get to live in the house alone with the kids the following week and so on and so on. They also demand that I re-instate her to my work benefits plan (because after she ran off with another guy after our 21 years together) I took her off my medical and dental plan from work. They also state that I am abusive and harrassing and if I do not agree to all her demands that they will ask for an emergency hearing to have me removed from the home and give her interim custody of the kids .

            This is coming from a woman who moved in with her boyfriend 3 weeks after telling me she wanted a separation. She has not paid a bill in this house in 6 months, did not come and see any of her kids soccer games all summer and has not slept in the matrimonial home even one minute in over a month .

            My questions are, can she actually do this or are they bluffing ?

            How can I make a proper decision with only 1 days notice ?

            What should my lawyerdo to fight this ?

            I need help fast.


            hey

            wish to chat to you private about this

            i have some info for you to try...

            not legal advice

            Comment


            • #7
              i did all the wrong things tooooooo

              message me privately

              Comment


              • #8
                similar thing is happening to me. She has been having an affair for years, spending time and overnights at the boyfriends, saying she was going to a girlfriends to sort things out for herself.
                I have been working like a single dad with 3 kids for 4 years now. soccer coach, making all the meals, taking them to everything while she has basically abandoned them. My 16 yr old daughter barely speaks to her mom... its sad.

                Now she's been busted, she's in the house acting like Mary Poppins, making meals and paying attention to the kids...while asking for a divorce and a nesting situation. She's in the house more now to make a better case for herself as a mother, even though she's been absent for so long before.

                Her affair continues, she lies all the time to me and the kids and I need her out of the house but I can't get her to go.
                I've been told to try and get exclusive possession of the house and visitation arrangements, but I know little about this and how to proceed.

                any advice

                Comment


                • #9
                  Yeah, stop whining that your wife had an affair in every post and figure out how you're going to handle the actual issues since the affair is absolutely irrelevant and affects nothing as far as your divorce goes.

                  She has a right to be in the home, affair or not, whether you agree or not. She also has a right to be a mary poppins mom if she wants to for whatever reason, whether you agree or not.

                  Get over it and yourself and look to moving things forward.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Yeah, stop whining that your wife had an affair in every post and figure out how you're going to handle the actual issues since the affair is absolutely irrelevant and affects nothing as far as your divorce goes

                    She has a right to be in the home, affair or not, whether you agree or not. She also has a right to be a mary poppins mom if she wants to for whatever reason, whether you agree or not.

                    Get over it and yourself and look to moving things forward.
                    I completely agree...

                    You only need to worry about 2 things at this point:
                    1. Finances: Figuring out how equalization is going to work and figuring out the support obligations you'll have (child/spousal).
                    2. Custody: Figuring out what access arrangement the children and you will want (since some are old enough to decide for themselves).

                    Her affair, her presence in the home, etc...pretty irrelevant unless you're going to file a motion for exclusive possession of the home which is tough to do. You may have a case for that if she's secured/rented another place and she's dumping marital assets into it...but it will be a battle to get her out of the house.

                    I think you need to stop focusing on her and what she's doing and focus on you and what you need to do for yourself and the kids. She'll end up with half the assets, potential support and she'll end up with some custody access..period. You need to work on getting legal help so she doesn't get more than she should...period. Anything else is irrelevant.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      ok update

                      ok i kicked him out for running around he chose to leave
                      i owned the house no mortgage my inheritance
                      he was drinking killed the dentist on bike
                      i mortgaged the house then to pay his lawyer fees
                      he got off i paid the mortgage
                      he started running around with some woman her hubby in florida jail for big drug bust bringling over 2 million worth of drugs to canada
                      he quit paying anything at house
                      i went to lawyer sent him letter
                      he ignored lawyer
                      i raised the 2 daughters i had a job working 3hrs a day quarantee work
                      but got maore hours
                      he moved out west to alberta with her and her hubby who got out of jail
                      i still have the daughters and the house with the big maortgage paying his lawyers fees on it
                      i get another mortgage after bankruptcy trustee says you can't do it your an undeclared bankrupt
                      bank give mes a mortgage i pay off debts his lawyers fees and credit cards
                      i had the highest credit score at the peak of my bankruptcy

                      so borrowed from peter to pay paul
                      only one credit card said hey we don't like what your doing and cut me back from 10,000 to 1500
                      others just kept giving it all to me

                      6 yrs passed i lived on credit as if he never left
                      no child support
                      then
                      bingo went to bankruptcy trustee
                      oh you must quit paying all the credit cards and sell your house
                      so i did
                      bang suddenly court papers comming for lawsuits
                      even police at my door terrible expeience for my children to witness and neighbours
                      threats the sheirif is comming really when?
                      in 6 mons the bank of montreal said on phone oh
                      so i filed papers on my own
                      sold my house
                      got 2 judgements in courttd bank went after my wages
                      the other the bank of montreal they sent letter we have filed at court to send sherrif to seize property what property i said the lady from lawyers office started laughing hysterically
                      i have had creditors send faxes to my work and many other rude things
                      i got the affidavit of service fianlly and not once that fat process server with the st johns ambulance badge on ever say he called to have 4 police on my property to serve papers for the court on my porch in his affidaffit of service of official court papers
                      same judge sittin in on judgement and the private conference that is against court rules
                      ok so wages garnished and the other has to wait
                      show up in court in toronto and lawyers for royal bank
                      next court case i went to toronto court the lawyer does not show up

                      8 mons later he wants to start again


                      there is more

                      its been 2 yrs stats of limitations with others ends

                      i am 57 yrs old

                      i now have some money
                      i went 6 times to try to declare bankruptcy and i walked out

                      i have many friends who are watching what is taking place
                      i am riding it out

                      my husband is 8 yrs younger than i am
                      i did not want him to go underground and have no life
                      he works on the oilfiields in alberta now and lives with that woman and her hubby
                      and that is my story

                      was i capable of destroying everyones life or just one( my own)

                      so i get judgements and they collect on wages
                      soon i can retire without a pension i have no separation papers??

                      thanks to the wonderful laws and great statutes we have in this country of canada

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        pjay721:

                        I honestly didn't understand a word of what you posted....very disjointed and odd.

                        What I do get is that you've made a lot of bad decisions and that isn't the government's fault....just yours.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                          pjay721:

                          I honestly didn't understand a word of what you posted....very disjointed and odd.
                          Agreed. I got like 5-6 lines down and gave up...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                            Agreed. I got like 5-6 lines down and gave up...
                            I'm glad I'm not the only one.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              ....plus - it's poor form to hijack a thread.

                              Comment

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