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General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting. |
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#1
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Excellent Article: Your Ex Doesn't Have A Personality Disorder - The Toast
A lot of people come whipping into this forum claiming their ex-partner is BPD or a Narcissist. This article does an excellent job explaining why this is probably not the case. (Not considering that only 0.5-1% of the population has a NPD.) Quote:
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Good Luck! Tayken |
#2
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Ha! My partner teases me because I told him my mother has BPD (its been diagnosed by a doc) and that my father is self centered and self absorbed. "Why do you feel the need to diagnose people?" Then he spent time with them both...
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#3
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Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship Paperback by Christine Ann Lawson Not only does it identify the archetypes of the borderline but, it also does a great deal in studying the other parent as well. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...d-her-children At the Edges of Reason. Book Review: Understanding the Borderline Mother |
#4
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Yep I read that and another one on how to love someone who has BPD. It made a lot of sense while I was trying to understand why my mother hated me and said such horrible things about me. She still refuses treatment but it on mild antidepressants which help a bit.
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#5
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In my view there are far too many "blanket terms". Brittany Spears shaved her head she must be Bipolar. This child didn't look at me while I was speaking, quick get him some Ritalin he must be ADHD. My ex is good verbally and is upset with me...he must be a narcissist. Diagnosing people prematurely and without the proper knowledge and skil lsets to do so is happening more and more. This is why many poster such as Tayken and I discourage bringing opinions of uncertified, unlicensed, ad hoc, counselor's who throw around these terms loosely .. providing inappropriate and false info to the patient. (Which unfortunately leaks in to court much of the time). Quote:
I used Tayken's caselaw on another one of his threads regarding this. I emphasized that "Her judgement is clouded by her subjective feelings about me and our relationship. My great parenting traits, loving/caring nature and involvement as a "good" father have been forgotten .. or overshadowed rather, shoved to the unconscious ..and emotions take over, often distorting the truth in many ways. Good thread. LF32 |
#6
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They say the likelihood of a good looking woman having a disorder is actually much higher that 1%.
I actually think that a lot of people are just rotten selfish disgusting people with some symptoms of personality disorders but they are so rotten and immoral you would think they are crazy. Still not sure if my ex is just the most entitled selfish spoilt person I have come in contact with or just a child who had emotionally neglectful parents... and now she is a raving lunatic |
#7
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I've been in court enough times to witness firsthand some more-than-borderline mental disorders ... involving certain lawyers!
As for my Ex, he's perfectly sane, real nice guy (when he's sober!!!) |
#8
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It's also worth remembering that divorce is a time when all our assessments of other people tend to be extreme. The friends who stick by us (and tell us what we want to hear) are absolutely good and loyal. The ones who don't (or who tell us things we don't want to hear) are the enemy. The rebound boyfriend/girlfriend is the most wonderful, perfect love we could imagine. Etc, etc, etc. It'a hard to avoid seeing one's ex in such extreme terms as well, and pop psychology has given us labels to express those extreme feelings - NPD, BPD, sociopath, etc. In another century, we'd be convinced our exes were possessed by demons, because that would have been the go-to explanation for someone whose behaviour makes us angry.
In my fortunately limited experience with people who have real, diagnosed personality disorders, their life history is filled with red flags. They have very little or no contact with any members of their family of origin, they have no long-standing friendships that aren't based on exploitation, they can't hold jobs, their relationship history is one disaster after another (always the other person's fault) etc. Most exes don't fit this pattern. They often act like royal jerks around us, but can be functional in other spheres of life, as a parent, a friend, an employe. |
#9
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^^^ Ditto.
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#10
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How about: Why does it matter?
BDP or not, the service to your own emotional state necessarily affects the emotional wellbeing and general mental health of the children. I think it is a dangerous move to dilute the concerns over a parent by moving away from the concerning impact to the ability to lend context to the mental health of the other individual. It's like saying, "well how do you know he's and alcoholic? Maybe he just drinks with friends, has a lot of friends and you only hear about the stories where he's drunk, you only remind yourself of those, so you paint him as a drunk". "....um no, I actually just care about the fact that he's our kids are saying he's always drunk, unable to drive them where they need to go, and smells like booze every time he kisses them goodnight and now my 12 year old wants to invite her friends over there all the time because her dad "will be out by 10'" Not that the diagnosis isn't important, it can go a long way to frame what has to be set up to support your children and yourself in the future. I would just suggest that while it can be counterproductive to focus on specific elements because that's all you want to see, overlooking reasonable concerns because you aren't an expert at being able to articulate "something is very wrong" in psycho-analytical terms can lead you and your children to pretty unstable situations. Sometimes symptomatically is more immediately important. my two cents If someone is BDP, Histrionic etc etc, |
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Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Dealing with Exes with Personality Disorders | Pursuinghappiness | Divorce & Family Law | 30 | 01-10-2012 11:33 PM |
Mobility, Fiances, and Personality Disorders | tiredMum | Divorce & Family Law | 8 | 11-19-2010 11:35 AM |
Borderline Personality | cape split | Divorce & Family Law | 17 | 04-08-2010 11:22 AM |
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