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Am I being greedy or just doing what I have to?

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  • #16
    Lol

    I love your sense of humour! Come to think of it, I like your gusto too. What are we if we don't have spirit???
    We are very much alike. Everyone says, "Oh, at least you didn't have children" and my logical side agrees, but at the same time I feel that if I had children, at least I'd have one of the things I always dreamed of. My ovaries are drying up as I write this post and I have to face the possibility that if I take the time to learn all there is to know about anyone else I meet, I'll run out of time. Don't even get me started on the trust issue - how do you muster all the excitement, hope and enthusiasm a second time around?
    I never do anything without analysing and calculating and thinking it through completely. Can't for the life of me understand what went wrong. At least you can identify what went wrong.
    You made the right decision. You as a single parent should be sooooo proud of yourself and your twins will have a strong, intelligent roll model without the negative influence of an irresponsible dad.
    It makes me so sad to hear that your kids are suffering financially while he enjoys his income with no sense of responsibility. Can nothing be done to get a portion of his wages?
    Pat yourself on the back everynight for all that you accomplish despite adversity.

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    • #17
      Thanks so much, Lostinlove; it's so nice to have words of support and encouragement! I had to laugh when I read your line, "I never do anything without analyzing and calculating and thinking it through completely." That's me, to a 'T'! Those closest to me are always chiding me for over-thinking and overanalyzing everything! We really are alike! Hang in there; your situation will become clearer and clearer as time passes, and you'll wonder why you didn't see the writing on the wall, but don't beat yourself up over it. I've come to the realization that a lot of the reason I didn't see that stuff was that I didn't want to; I'm always so quick to give the benefit of the doubt and assume that everyone thinks as I do.. life is about always striving to be a better person than you were yesterday. It's a tough one to swallow, but some people just don't give a d*** about being good people, just taking what they can from life. My new adage is that from here on out, I WILL be judging my books by their covers... or more accurately, from a quick skim of the back cover, anyway. If it looks even remotely grim, back on the shelf it goes, 'cause there's a whole library full of books out there. I might miss some good reading that way, but I don't have time to read all the way through, only to find that it was a waste of my time and energy. Food for thought, anyway. Feel free to PM me if you like, anytime; we seem to be similar souls!

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      • #18
        when all is said and done at the end of it all and lay in bed at night figuring things out, the only person that is there to know how you feel and what you need to do in order to take care of yourself, is YOU.
        ,.,,,,,there is nothing greedy with wanting to ensure you'll be ok. You keep yourself from become a mytr by looking at what is real and what needs to be done for YOU.
        Now is the time to take care of you and ditch the guilt! You deserve consideration too and in these situations, you're the only one that will give it to yourself so don't go and short change yourself by thinking you are being something other than loving ... after all, if he doesn't love you anymore, all the more reason to do what it takes to love and look out for yourself.
        And NO you are NOT being greedy... you are being SMART
        If you think you are being greedy, ask yourself this question -- why does he deserve more than you, especially when he is the one that wanted it ended, or so his actions would say

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        • #19
          You don't mention whether or not you are employed or were employed while married and living together and whether you were or not employed may affect whether or not you can collect spousal support.
          Yes, separation and divorce hurts. The only people who really know what it feels like are those who've gone through it. You are still grieving, and we all grieve differently.
          BUT you do have to "let go", otherwise you will become an embittered person unable to enjoy life. If you can't do it yourself, get help in the form of counselling. Also, start divorce proceedings. Finish that chapter of your life. Revenge may make you feel good for a short time, but then what?
          Look out for yourself first. Let your estranged husband enjoy his life with his new girlfriend -- you know it probably won't last -- that he'll probably cheat on her as he did you.
          You need to move forward with your life. Yes, there is a chance you won't become a biological mother, but would you really want him back after what he's done and will possibly repeat, but by then you may be parents?
          Take the high road. Learn from what has happened. Move forward with your life and don't settle in the rut of vengeance. Get the help you need to move on. :-) And even after moving on, there are times when the "what ifs" will unexpectedly pounce on you, but with time that happens less and less.

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          • #20
            This thread was started in 2006. Hopefully those posters are done with this forum and well on the way to being happy.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by billiechic View Post
              This thread was started in 2006. Hopefully those posters are done with this forum and well on the way to being happy.
              To my understanding ... many did go on to start their own exclusive woman's forum. They did make several attempts to defame this site and contributing members of the time. Not sure if their exclusive gender forum still exists...

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