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  • #31
    @ Arabian, I'm so sorry about your experience, it's a terrible thing for anyone to do to someone else. I would have been angry as well. That experience really hit me hard, as soon as it came to light I ended it and moved on. It's just too much pain for everyone ex, kids, the other woman's family...just not worth it. too many people get hurt, as I have learned.

    I wish I had something documented as well, so it would be hearsay at this point. The ex is smart, she would have never put anything like that in writing. I remember at the time all I felt was scared, losing my job and my family. All I can say is people only have to look at our separation agreement and see that is completely unfair. I had an acquaintance look at our agreement once he was a lawyer he turned to me and said "you signed everything over, so tell me what did you do!" not to mention the judge at the recent case conference said as he looked at me "it's obvious you had no legal advice".

    so maybe I have no leg to stand on for setting aside this agreement. I believe my ex said to me that she would "make sure I pay for this for the rest of my life". I think she meant it.

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    • #32
      I meant to mention as well. I did discuss with my lawyer when I initially retained her that I was looking to set aside the agreement. This was last year, she had said I could try however it would be costly for me to go that route. She said to concentrate on seeking change in the child support. however, I have a good feeling that this will go to trial as I know the ex will not be willing to give me a dime even when we reach settlement conference. So I say if she want's spousal, then let's just erase the agreement and start over!

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      • #33
        You would have to have evidence to prove you signed under duress. There is case law on the subject. Type in "separation agreement set aside duress coercion" and you will get the low-down on what some judges have said about this. I see that there is also examination on when the applicant (to have SA set aside) was initiated. When you file for failure to provide full financial disclosure you may have to also show how failure to disclose affects the outcome. If there is little difference in outcome then you could be looking at costs.

        Ah yes the expression "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" (William Congreve) comes to mind. [interesting tidbit I read - this is actually a misquote from Congreve's play "The Morning Bride." The actual quote from the play is "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."]
        Last edited by arabian; 05-20-2015, 04:03 PM. Reason: adding in info on quote

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        • #34
          That quote couldn't be more right!

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          • #35
            It might be difficult to present your case as having signed an agreement under duress. Looked at one from one angle, it looks like blackmail, but from another angle, it looks like you struck a deal with your ex: she would minimize the damage from your extramarital affair in exchange for a greater share in the marital property. In other words, you paid her off and got what you paid for (you kept your job, the kids and your reputation).

            I'm not saying that your ex was right to make this deal with you, but it doesn't look like duress to me. You had an affair and you paid the consequences. In this case, the consequences were financial. If you had said "no" to your ex and tried for a different property settlement, the consequences would have been to your reputation instead. It sounds like you're very contrite about it now, so I don't mean this to be harsh or insulting towards you.

            None of this means that she's entitled to any spousal support, as your conduct doesn't determine her eligibility.

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            • #36
              Interesting point of view stripes.

              I remember her saying to me that the courts favor the mothers in terms of custody and that I wouldn't win so she would allow me to have them 50/50 if I gave her what she wanted. I believed it at the time and didn't want to risk losing them, so I am not sure I had many options really so yes as you say I had to "pay her off". That along with losing my job..signing was lookin' pretty good at the time.

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              • #37
                It sounds like you made the best decision you could with the information available to you at the time (e.g. you believed that the courts would favor Mom because you didn't know at the time that they actually tend towards 50/50 arrangements). You could have said "no" to the ex and rolled the dice on what would happen with the children and the job, but you chose not to gamble, and that's not a wrong choice.

                I don't think there's much point in looking back and rethinking it, however. Duress and coercion apply when the person being coerced is deceived about the nature of the decision being made or when they are forced to do something they did not choose to do. In your case, you did have a choice of options, none of which were great, and you chose the "least-worst".

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                • #38
                  Interesting point of view stripes.

                  I remember her saying to me that the courts favor the mothers in terms of custody and that I wouldn't win so she would allow me to have them 50/50 if I gave her what she wanted. I believed it at the time and didn't want to risk losing them, so I am not sure I had many options really so yes as you say I had to "pay her off". That along with losing my job..signing was lookin' pretty good at the time.
                  This terrible house ni**a mentality men have in family courts.... as long as you GIVE them what is not fair you can't later complain.

                  I have no regrets for my decisions even if things didn't always go exactly my way, I am entitled to complain because I followed all the "best practices" and still got screwed so I know for a fact the system is screwed and now I can tell people my story and help tear out one more brick from this disgusting family law system.

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