Hi All,
This is my second post, but I do snoop often, and it's been wildly helpful, though I still have a lot to learn. I appreciate how transparent the help is, which is why I'm here again. I'll try to keep this concise, while also providing what i feel are relevant details, so I apologize if this comes off as being all over the place.
Just for background to save time for those who would like context from my previous post:
Ex and I have been separated for 5.5 years with no separation agreement and have a 10-year-old son. We live far away from one another. I am about 100km/1 hour drive away from my son's school, and she 50km away from his school in the opposite direction. (she moved a few years after, to live with current spouse, but kept our child in same school). When I first moved, my ex and I had a discussion and decided that she would have him during the week as she lives close to his school, and I on weekends. I moved under horrible circumstances: contract, part-time, low paying work, poor credit etc, resulting in a really hard time finding a place; I was legitimately worried I would be homeless. so my friend let me rent the spare room in his apartment. Because of my poor financial status, my ex was accommodating, and child support was not originally discussed. Once I obtained full time employment, we agreed on a child support amount, slightly below guideline for my income at that time, due to all the costs I incurred driving back and forth twice a week to see my son. Child support amount has not been changed since.
Over the past few years, my time with my child has progressively increased, since I have a space where he has his own room now. I have surpassed the magical 40% threshold. I continue to have my child every weekend, but now also have him extra time on all long weekends (PA day, holidays, etc), have him 4 days a week in the summer/christmas/march break, 2 weeks at the end of the summer, and have been dropping him off at school about one monday a month for the last 5 months. This works for him (in my opinion), as he is enrolled in a sports team where I live, so has friends here and activities he enjoys doing, where as, he does not have friends where his mom lives and not close to his school friends either. The amount I pay now, combined with my increased income, is actually about $100 below what I guess set-off amount to be. I also pay all out of pocket sec 7 expenses (his glasses, dental, and sports/extracurriculars). So to put it lightly, im broke at the end of every month lol. Aka no money for lawyers.
I would like to apply for a divorce. There is a section where it is asked "if the amount is less than the guideline, explain why". I was thinking of saying something to the effect of "Payor utilizing setoff amount as result of shared schedule, in addition to incurring high access costs, and paying 100% of all agreed upon sec 7 expenses. This to ensure similar standard of living in both homes."
is that a reasonable explanation? I am also willing to just mutually pay one another corresponding guideline amount, but would prefer to not do that, as, I am sure ex will freak out when I ask her for NOA, as she thinks my extra time with him doesn't matter since she has him during school. I only know her rough income, which is what I am basing setoff at, because I know her work hours and roughly how much she is paid hourly. She would feel a loss of control if I asked for her NOA, and dont want to rock the boat.
My main concern is, that since it's likely unusual to have 'shared parenting' with such a large distance, can a judge use that as reason to deny the divorce? Perhaps, in their opinion, they don't see it as feasible in the long term?
I want to get a divorce, but I don't want to jeopardize anything either. My ex has always been reluctant to make a separation agreement, so I feel that filing for a divorce on my own is the only option for me to even consider having something in writing.
Also, if i apply in my jurisdiction, does this mean my ex would have to follow up with anything at my local courthouses or can she respond anywhere (if she decides to).
This is my second post, but I do snoop often, and it's been wildly helpful, though I still have a lot to learn. I appreciate how transparent the help is, which is why I'm here again. I'll try to keep this concise, while also providing what i feel are relevant details, so I apologize if this comes off as being all over the place.
Just for background to save time for those who would like context from my previous post:
Ex and I have been separated for 5.5 years with no separation agreement and have a 10-year-old son. We live far away from one another. I am about 100km/1 hour drive away from my son's school, and she 50km away from his school in the opposite direction. (she moved a few years after, to live with current spouse, but kept our child in same school). When I first moved, my ex and I had a discussion and decided that she would have him during the week as she lives close to his school, and I on weekends. I moved under horrible circumstances: contract, part-time, low paying work, poor credit etc, resulting in a really hard time finding a place; I was legitimately worried I would be homeless. so my friend let me rent the spare room in his apartment. Because of my poor financial status, my ex was accommodating, and child support was not originally discussed. Once I obtained full time employment, we agreed on a child support amount, slightly below guideline for my income at that time, due to all the costs I incurred driving back and forth twice a week to see my son. Child support amount has not been changed since.
Over the past few years, my time with my child has progressively increased, since I have a space where he has his own room now. I have surpassed the magical 40% threshold. I continue to have my child every weekend, but now also have him extra time on all long weekends (PA day, holidays, etc), have him 4 days a week in the summer/christmas/march break, 2 weeks at the end of the summer, and have been dropping him off at school about one monday a month for the last 5 months. This works for him (in my opinion), as he is enrolled in a sports team where I live, so has friends here and activities he enjoys doing, where as, he does not have friends where his mom lives and not close to his school friends either. The amount I pay now, combined with my increased income, is actually about $100 below what I guess set-off amount to be. I also pay all out of pocket sec 7 expenses (his glasses, dental, and sports/extracurriculars). So to put it lightly, im broke at the end of every month lol. Aka no money for lawyers.
I would like to apply for a divorce. There is a section where it is asked "if the amount is less than the guideline, explain why". I was thinking of saying something to the effect of "Payor utilizing setoff amount as result of shared schedule, in addition to incurring high access costs, and paying 100% of all agreed upon sec 7 expenses. This to ensure similar standard of living in both homes."
is that a reasonable explanation? I am also willing to just mutually pay one another corresponding guideline amount, but would prefer to not do that, as, I am sure ex will freak out when I ask her for NOA, as she thinks my extra time with him doesn't matter since she has him during school. I only know her rough income, which is what I am basing setoff at, because I know her work hours and roughly how much she is paid hourly. She would feel a loss of control if I asked for her NOA, and dont want to rock the boat.
My main concern is, that since it's likely unusual to have 'shared parenting' with such a large distance, can a judge use that as reason to deny the divorce? Perhaps, in their opinion, they don't see it as feasible in the long term?
I want to get a divorce, but I don't want to jeopardize anything either. My ex has always been reluctant to make a separation agreement, so I feel that filing for a divorce on my own is the only option for me to even consider having something in writing.
Also, if i apply in my jurisdiction, does this mean my ex would have to follow up with anything at my local courthouses or can she respond anywhere (if she decides to).
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