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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 08-03-2010, 05:24 PM
baileybug baileybug is offline
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Need some advice on this one... I am currently on vacation with my kids out of province visiting family. Before we left the ex told me I needed to have the kids back by this Fri because they were going away on the weekend. We then changed our plans to come back on the Fri (instead of Sun) and instead asked for a couple more days at the beginning of the trip. She agreed. Today, 2 days before we are to come home she emails requesting the kids at noon on Fri since they are going to take the kids away for the weekend with their family. We have a hotel booked for our drive home on thurs/fri and the earliest we can get the kids there is 5pm (which is the normal switch time)
So what do I do? She says that 5 pm is not acceptable. If we change our plans it means we cut our visit short and do a 16hr drive in one shot! If she had told us the noon deadline before we left, we would have worked around it. Thoughts?
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Old 08-03-2010, 06:00 PM
Pharah Pharah is offline
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My personal feelings are that you can only accommodate requests that are reasonable. If the original agreement was that the children would be home for 5pm and she wanted to change that, she needs to negotiate that with you.

It is NOT reasonable that you should have to drive 16hr straight to return the children as per her schedule change, nor do I feel that this is in the best interest of your children.
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Old 08-03-2010, 06:19 PM
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What was the original agreement to return with the kids? You have already tried to accommodate the ex's request, and now a second request. Tell her that you will try your best to have the kids back by friday afternoon. You need to take into consideration traffic, etc. I wouldn't worry about it.
There's not much she can do but wait when the kids get there at the regular normal switch time.
Send her an email saying you are going to do your best to get the kids home alittle earlier but can't garantee.
Let her know that your kids safety comes first, driving 16 hours straight is not good for the driver as fatique can set in and need frequent stops to refresh.
And really for them to have to travel that much to come home and rush to go on the road again...... poor kids She's not thinking about them at all

Last edited by tugofwar; 08-03-2010 at 06:23 PM.
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Old 08-03-2010, 06:20 PM
baileybug baileybug is offline
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The original agreement had no specific time requirement - that's why we assumed it to be the normal 5pm switch time and made our travel plans accordingly.
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Old 08-03-2010, 08:56 PM
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This is a trivial matter of only a few hours in the overall scheme of things. It seems ridiculous to have to ask people here about it, but whatever.

You have already accomodated her by bringing them home two days early. Tell her you will try to accomodate her but not to expect them before 5pm.

Those kids are going to have one helluva travel day coming home and then getting straight back on the road for another weekend away.
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Old 08-03-2010, 09:09 PM
baileybug baileybug is offline
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Sorry if it seems trivial. Sometimes you just need a reality check. I told the kids about their mothers plans for another trip right away and they freaked out. So now I would feel bad dropping them off just for them to get into another car and drive again for 4 hours. They were pretty emotional about it
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Old 08-03-2010, 10:15 PM
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is there any chance you're coming from the direction she's headed to? can you meet some where that shortens the future trip for the kids with out being terribly inconvenienced yourself?

I often drop my son off at his dad's from the cottage so that son doesn't have to do the trip twice (down to my house and back up to his dads) - even though its slightly out of my way - because #1 I can and #2 its the best thing for my son...



good luck...
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Old 08-04-2010, 11:30 PM
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So now, on our last day of the trip, my mother has been admitted to the hospital! I have spent the day and night in emerg. I feel torn. I feel I need to stay here longer, but I know my ex wants the kids back right away for their trip. I don't feel driving straight through would be safe now. So what can I do? Is it ok for me to tell my ex I won't meet her friday deadline at all because I need to stay while they run tests on my mum? Is that reasonable. It may mean my kids will miss their trip so I'd have to keep them for the weekend. (Which they are all for) its my ex's time starting Fri but I think these are extenuating circumstances.
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Old 08-05-2010, 08:43 PM
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I would agree, extenuating circumstances but I have no idea how it works 'legally'. Perhaps if she refuses to let the kids stay longer then she could arrange to come and pick the children up so you can be there for your mother.

You can tell her anything you want, whether she'll agree to it or not is another story. IMHO, explain what's happened and that you aren't in a position to bring them back right now and offer to make up the time to her at a later date. If she refuses, offer that she come out to pick them up. If she refuses that as well, the choice is yours to make whether you bring them back as originally agreed or keep them there and deal with any fallout later. Document your conversations (email, text?) on the off chance things turn ugly so she cannot imply you were refusing to return the children or worse, kidnapping them.

So sorry about your situation and that your mother is ill. I hope she gets better soon.
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Old 08-11-2010, 10:30 PM
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Thanks for all your advice. I actually called my ex and told her the situation. She agreed it was OK for me to stay out there with my mom longer and to keep the kids. They missed their weekend outing with their mom, but they didn't seem to mind that too much. They really didn't want to go anyway. Ended up returning the kids on Sunday instead, which was a much smoother transition. It's funny how life goes..
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