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Common Law Issues The law regarding common law relationships is different than in cases of divorce. Discuss the issues that affect unmarried couples here.

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  #1  
Old 12-03-2013, 02:21 PM
MohGrana MohGrana is offline
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Default Common Law Question-My rights and Initimidation

Hi there, and here goes my questions as I am in a bind. I entered a common law relationship as a single father, and my daughter was 3 and we have been together for 13 years. The relationship has come to an end, and my partner has a god and stable job, and I got ill the last year and a half, unemployed as I was in the middle of changing careers, and working on small translation contracts basis.

My partner has been very aggressive, emotionally and psychologically abusing me as she has deprived from my cell-phone, credit card and curtailing the use of our car. We have not signed nor finalized the separation agreement, and she has sent me an e-mail stating that she has retained a lawyer, wants to start the negotiations for spousal support, and that car and house solely hers, furthermore she wants my daughter (who is her daughter as she is considered a step-mother) and I out of the house by the end of December, and of course it is not going to happen as we are still have not finalized the separation agreement dealing with all issues.

I saw 4 lawyers, and all of them have stated that I have a strong case for child, spousal support, and half of the equity and assets even if they are in he name, as I have contributed the best I could with everything I had in this relationship, and my case is basically will be under the unjust enrichment and express trust. My questions are:

How do I prove this? and make her understand that these are rights as she has been very manipulative and since she is working, has good saving and I have nothing for the time being, so I feel completely vulnerable, isolated, and emotionally abused.

She has not helped in the last 3 months in anything, and I know that she was supposed to support or at least help me as I am ill, a single father, and unemployed, actively looking for work. She has created a very severe anxiety and panic attacks, and chest pain which I have documented with the my doctor, and yesterday at ER. I also will start talking to all my friends about the abuse that I am experiencing, and even her friends to unveil what kind of person she is.

She started a bathroom renovation yesterday, and gave us a short notice with no alternative arrangements to shower. My daughter lives with us almost half of the time, and now I have to tell her with her biological mother for at least a week as that when the renovations will be over. My daughter looks forward to seeing and spending time with me/us. My partner has created this hostile environment in our house that I do not feel safe or secure anymore, and I am not functioning, as soon as I see her my heart starts racing, as she is always up to something.

She is also making two cats (female) we own suffer, as she started closing our bedroom, and I left the bedroom and currently sleeping in the couch. I feel mistreated, and if it was not for my daughter I would have gone to a shelter, but counselors I have met who know about my situation have all told me that she is using this strategy for me to snap or do something crazy, but I am a very peaceful man who has agreed to the separation, but I have my rights and she is trying to make feel bad and not ask for anything else other spousal support.

She asked last Tuesday what I wanted, s she said she just wanted me out her life as quick as possible, and I feel the same, but we have not sat down and dealt anything yet. Anyway, I told her that I will give her an answer this week. But, I am not ready as I know what rights are, and have been working on one proposal or two, and need to be able to figure out all the ins and outs of whatever she might be doing in case she does not go for any of my proposals.

Any advice of how I should deal with my partner?

Thank you.

Last edited by Mess; 12-03-2013 at 05:19 PM. Reason: Paragraphs
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  #2  
Old 12-03-2013, 02:23 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Maybe one of the mods can move this to a new thread?
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Old 12-03-2013, 02:33 PM
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Can you not seek an interim order for immediate exclusive possession of the matrimonial home? Has this been suggested to you by one of the 4 lawyers you have consulted with? I am curious as to why you have spoken to 4 lawyers? Are you seeking legitimate advice or merely a lawyer who will just tell you what you want to hear?
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Old 12-03-2013, 02:42 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Quote:
How do I prove this? and make her understand that these are rights as she has been very manipulative and since she is working, has good saving and I have nothing for the time being, so I feel completely vulnerable, isolated, and emotionally abused
You don't prove anything to her. You prove it to the court who will make a determination. The lawyer you choose will walk you through the process of getting the appropriate paperwork started. You should actually stop engaging your ex-partner immediately since she's clearly hostile.

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Can you not seek an interim order for immediate exclusive possession of the matrimonial home?
Based on what grounds?

Having anxiety during an in-home separation isn't grounds for an abuse claim. Otherwise, there'd be a whole lot of separated people filing ex-parte motions for exclusive possession.

Plus this is a common-law situation...and the OP hasn't clarified the housing situation to even determine if he's eligible even if there was abuse.

To the OP...you probably should get another thread started (if you know how) so that you can get more responses.
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Old 12-03-2013, 03:03 PM
MohGrana MohGrana is offline
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It is a common law situation, and we have been together for 13 years. We bought the house with the intention of marrying and settling for good, otherwise why would I have a house we used to live at and where I was more comfortable in with my daughter. I was the one who suggested getting the house and was from our landlord's father. The landlord is a friend of mine, and he does not know the situation yet. I did not enter to live with our daughter and my partner in the house as friends, but we were living exactly as a married couple, with our joint account, and she always said this our house, and our car. I have paid some mortgage as she asked me to, and promised in front of the lawyer as I witnessed the last transaction, that if I wanted my name on the title and I told her that I trusted her. And, now it is all hers, and how my contribution, taking care of the household 24/7, cooking, cleaning, repair and maintenance and you name it of household work, plus pain most of the bills. I quit my career as a musician in order to provide more, and deprived myself from many careers because of her, as she always put me down whenever I suggested a career that I was interested in. I was dealing with her as if I was walking on egg shells, always with a fear she might snap, and the abuse is real as even my daughter noticed it, and asked her to forget about. It is not emotional abuse to tell you she would kill herself if it was not for her mother who is handicapped whenever I mention my rights, and how about taking my credit card, cell-phone and try to deprive me from using our car, and not supporting me in anyway, so we can both help each other get out of this situation and move on. How about my health condition that needs treatment and can't afford it. She know all this, and pays over $9000 in a bathroom renovation which originally we were doing together back in august. By the way, I found her a better deal and people I trust, and she embarrassed me by not even letting giving them an answer, and went for the most expensive. Having a better job and more money than me as spouse does not mean she is right, as I do have rights and according to most of lawyers in everything, as this was a family joint venture.
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Old 12-03-2013, 03:08 PM
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Threats of immediate homelessness after a lengthy relationship has been deemed by some to be a basis for mental abuse. I believe it is done frequently (traditionally by a woman). Of course we are only hearing one side of the story and if this poster has been to 4 lawyers you'd think one of the lawyers would have been all over that if it were relevant.
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Old 12-03-2013, 03:20 PM
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Threats of immediate homelessness after a lengthy relationship has been deemed by some to be a basis for mental abuse. I believe it is done frequently (traditionally by a woman).
I'm not being gender specific. I simply don't think that giving notice to vacate a premise in a common law situation is grounds for mental abuse and exclusive possession.

Obviously there's been a relationship breakdown...the guy is in the house not working...her yelling at him and telling him to get a job and/or get out of the house isn't going to get him exclusive possession...particularly if he allowed her to put the house in her name and they aren't married. People that are breaking up tend to yell at each other.

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I quit my career as a musician in order to provide more, and deprived myself from many careers because of her, as she always put me down whenever I suggested a career that I was interested in. I was dealing with her as if I was walking on egg shells, always with a fear she might snap, and the abuse is real as even my daughter noticed it, and asked her to forget about. It is not emotional abuse to tell you she would kill herself if it was not for her mother who is handicapped whenever I mention my rights, and how about taking my credit card, cell-phone and try to deprive me from using our car, and not supporting me in anyway, so we can both help each other get out of this situation and move on. How about my health condition that needs treatment and can't afford it. She know all this, and pays over $9000 in a bathroom renovation which originally we were doing together back in august. By the way, I found her a better deal and people I trust, and she embarrassed me by not even letting giving them an answer, and went for the most expensive
In my opinion, none of this qualifies as abuse either. Just an indication of a relationship breakdown and two people who need to retain lawyers.

By the way, who's name is the credit card, cell phone and car in? Also, why would she have to pay for your health condition if you're breaking up? Are you on her insurance? If she's the account holder on the credit card and cell phone, her lawyer probably advised her to get that taken care of. She doesn't have to provide you with either or those things. As far as the car, are you on the ownership or just her? Are you on any existing car loan? If you aren't, its her car.

You definitely may be eligible for support but you have to prove entitlement for both SS and CS (since she isn't the child's bio mom) so you need to stop seeing lawyers and actually hire one and get started.

Last edited by Pursuinghappiness; 12-03-2013 at 03:22 PM.
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Old 12-03-2013, 03:23 PM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MohGrana View Post
It is a common law situation, and we have been together for 13 years. We bought the house with the intention of marrying and settling for good, otherwise why would I have a house we used to live at and where I was more comfortable in with my daughter. I was the one who suggested getting the house and was from our landlord's father. The landlord is a friend of mine, and he does not know the situation yet. I did not enter to live with our daughter and my partner in the house as friends, but we were living exactly as a married couple, with our joint account, and she always said this our house, and our car. I have paid some mortgage as she asked me to, and promised in front of the lawyer as I witnessed the last transaction, that if I wanted my name on the title and I told her that I trusted her. And, now it is all hers, and how my contribution, taking care of the household 24/7, cooking, cleaning, repair and maintenance and you name it of household work, plus pain most of the bills. I quit my career as a musician in order to provide more, and deprived myself from many careers because of her, as she always put me down whenever I suggested a career that I was interested in. I was dealing with her as if I was walking on egg shells, always with a fear she might snap, and the abuse is real as even my daughter noticed it, and asked her to forget about. It is not emotional abuse to tell you she would kill herself if it was not for her mother who is handicapped whenever I mention my rights, and how about taking my credit card, cell-phone and try to deprive me from using our car, and not supporting me in anyway, so we can both help each other get out of this situation and move on. How about my health condition that needs treatment and can't afford it. She know all this, and pays over $9000 in a bathroom renovation which originally we were doing together back in august. By the way, I found her a better deal and people I trust, and she embarrassed me by not even letting giving them an answer, and went for the most expensive. Having a better job and more money than me as spouse does not mean she is right, as I do have rights and according to most of lawyers in everything, as this was a family joint venture.

First of all, try using paragraphs to help us decipher this better.

You seem to imply that her name is only on the title, and I assume as well she is the one on the mortgage.

If i were you, I would be going through all my banking records and recording all the bills you paid, mortgage and other household related bills. Normally in a common law situation the value of the house isn't divided if it isn't in both names, but you may have a case, but the onus is on you to prove it.

It doesn't matter at all who sold you the house and what that relationship was. What matters is who is on the mortgage.

It doesn't matter what she said about your career choices, unless it relates to sacrificing your career to help hers.

Your claims of abuse won't stand up without more proof.

You need a lawyer.
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Old 12-03-2013, 03:54 PM
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I would also suggest that you tap into your local community for assistance. Find out if there is a men's shelter in your area. They may be able to direct you to a lawyer or other resources that are better suited for your situation.

Document everything.

If your ex is currently preventing you from receiving medical treatment (assuming she provided for this throughout your relationship) then that would be very important information. Of course, you would have to have documentation to substantiate your allegations.

I would finally say that as most people in your situation are female, you probably will have an uphill battle on your hands simply because your situation is out of the norm. That doesn't mean that it doesn't happen, rather just that it goes on unreported. A men's support group might be very helpful for you right now.

Last edited by arabian; 12-03-2013 at 04:18 PM.
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Old 12-03-2013, 04:37 PM
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I would finally say that as most people in your situation are female, you probably will have an uphill battle on your hands simply because your situation is out of the norm.
I think its difficult but not because the OP is male. She's clearly the higher income earner and if he has proof of an illness...that certainly is significant. The issue is that they aren't married and are in a commonlaw relationship. The equalization rules are significantly different and put the burden of proof on the OP. If he hasn't kept really good records...its unlikely that he's going to have an easy time.
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