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What has family court taught you?

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  • What has family court taught you?

    Six years ago I was very niave in that I thought going to court would force my unreasonable ex to follow the law and quickly resolve our conflicts. I also thought that like criminal court, family court would protect us from harm. Boy was I wrong! I have lost all faith in the justice system and I say this as the “winning” litigant!

    What family court has taught me:

    1. Family court loves, expects, condones and thrives on lies.
    2. Lies will be believed long after they are disproven with evidence
    3. Everybody is after every cent you own, earn and can go into debt for
    4. Best interests of the children is an oxymoron
    5. The “fast track” in family law means 6 years and counting
    6. The judge views and treats you, your ex and your children with disdain like you are scum under their feet
    7. Case conferences and TMC’s are a waste of time and money
    8. Whoever is the bad guy wins
    9. The rules are actually only guidelines
    10. Your ex will be able to get away with everything no matter how outrageous
    11. Whether you follow the court order or not doesn’t really matter to your case
    12. Judges have a God complex and are not held accountable
    13. You are punished for following court orders
    14. Your ex will be rewarded for breaching an order

    These are but a few things I learned. How about you? What did family court teach you?
    Last edited by Stillbreathing; 01-09-2018, 12:34 AM.

  • #2
    A few more lessons:

    - family court is traumatic
    - once you enter family court you will never be the same
    - you don’t really instruct your lawyer, they do what the hell they please and then blame you

    Comment


    • #3
      That the wheels of Family Law justice move very slowly. And one party can drag it out for years. And the system is set up to be very adversarial.

      There needs to be a "times up' or "metoo" type movement for the Canadian Family Law System imo.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by kate331 View Post
        That the wheels of Family Law justice move very slowly. And one party can drag it out for years. And the system is set up to be very adversarial.

        There needs to be a "times up' or "metoo" type movement for the Canadian Family Law System imo.
        I was thinking this exact thing today too.

        Comment


        • #5
          I learned that the system is broken. Only winners are the lawyers. You will be bled for every cent you own until you are in debt. The system players all support each other, judges, lawyers, court staff. That's why everything is dragged on and you are billed by the second. Best interest of kids is ignored. I wish I had NEVER gotten married and will NEVER enter another relationship again. Freedom is priceless. Just wish I could have freedom and the more than $100,000 in legal fees that were robbed from me and my kids.

          Comment


          • #6
            I learnt that the system must be specifically designed to inflict the most psychological pain possible on its victims.

            That case conferences and settlement conferences are a complete waste of time and money (at least in my case.)

            That the less an ex does during the marriage, they more they get.

            That the system thrives on restricting knowledge to the two parties who are going through what is probably the worst time of their lives.

            Comment


            • #7
              I was shocked at how lawyers seemingly endorse clients submitting false affidavits. I soon learned that lawyers merely game their clients. The more high-conflict things are the more money is to be made.

              I was fortunate to have a very good lawyer. If I could not corroborate my affidavit to my lawyer then the affidavit would not be sent out. If more lawyers did this I think there would be a significant improvement in family court. Encouraging client to file highly inflammatory statements about ex is simply wrong.

              I think it is safe to say that most people who enter into family court have had no previous experience with any legal matter aside from purchasing or selling a home. People trust their lawyers and unfortunately don't seem to "instruct" their lawyers. Instead they are led down a long and expensive path of litigation. Lawyers also fail their clients by not discussing other options to settling their issues and makes me believe that unless a lawyer can make money on something they ain't interested in considering anything. It's all about billable hours. The endless revolving doors of case conferences is proof of this.

              Another thing that really bugs me is how self-represented people suck the life blood out of the system by going to court over the smallest thing. Doesn't anyone know how to settle things with their ex out-of-court? It's almost like everyone is seeking judgement ... the need to be told one person is right and the other wrong drives people to endless litigation. Total waste of time and taxpayer's money.

              And yes... Parenting after separation courses should be mandatory prior to anyone doing anything in the court system.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Stillbreathing View Post
                A few more lessons:



                - family court is traumatic

                - once you enter family court you will never be the same

                - you don’t really instruct your lawyer, they do what the hell they please and then blame you


                Yes like telling them you want to adjourn again and the lawyer disagrees. Writes your lengthy brief. Serves it on the respondent and then calls you after saying you should adjourn. Oh and still sends the $2000 bill for doing up paperwork you didn’t need.


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                Comment


                • #9
                  There is a mandatory program in Ontario on the process that I think people have to attend at the beginning. Its listed on the motion to change form. I don’t know whats involved but it should include the laws around their case. I say this because the motion in the fall was completely a waste of time and the judge spent four hours explaining why it was useless to a self repped individual.

                  Which is really the issue. Self rep litigants do suck the life out of the system. If they are self repping they should have to sit down with someone ahead of time who tells them flat out what they can and cant do and has the power to cancel a court date.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Some of you really need to fire your lawyer.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                      Some of you really need to fire your lawyer.


                      I’m on my second. I’m afraid a third won’t get involved at this stage now. ;-(


                      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        How about updating your financials a hundred times because the case drags on so slowly that the last one becomes outdated. And oh ya, being billed hundreds of dollars each time for this work.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Helpmyspouse View Post
                          How about updating your financials a hundred times because the case drags on so slowly that the last one becomes outdated. And oh ya, being billed hundreds of dollars each time for this work.


                          Does your lawyer do the update or are you doing it and send it to them to review?



                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            What has family court taught you?

                            Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                            I’m on my second. I’m afraid a third won’t get involved at this stage now. ;-(


                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


                            Me too. One of the best things you can do when you’re not satisfied with your family lawyer is to get a second opinion.

                            Unfortunately I think there are a lot of incompetent family lawyers and others who are actually afraid of court.

                            Edit- to be fair, though, there’s a lot of incompetent lawyers in all areas of law. I just think family law has dire consequences.


                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                            Last edited by iona6656; 04-05-2019, 10:47 AM.

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                            • #15
                              I’ve learned that criminals have more rights than family law litigants. Criminals have the right to a fair and expedient trial within 30 months. Family law litigants have no such rights and in fact are expected to submit the rest of their lives to the torture of relentless litigation and delays if the other party chooses to pursue this avenue. Marriage is not “till death do us part”. Family court is.

                              My advice to anybody charged with a criminal offense would be to NOT hire a criminal lawyer but hire a family lawyer instead and insist on having your criminal matter tried in family court...because there is no way in hell a family lawyer and a family court judge could ever bring your matter to trial within 30 months. 30 years maybe. 30 months never! Then the Jordan principle of unreasonable delay would kick in and your charge would be dismissed.

                              Comment

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