Interesting question..common law and child support while living with me.

[Rioe]

This is going to be a challenge, because the court process is SOOO GLACIALLY SLOOOOW that you have a good chance of becoming consumed with frustration (which can easily lead to anger).

Which leads to the dark side...uh, sorry.

[Chris2008]

Which leads to the dark side...uh, sorry.

My lawyer said as soon as she moves out we file for an interim parenting order which would be showing the judge I have been capable and responsible parent. I would therefore get shared parenting till we actually go to court. Am I being realistic here or what it is my lawyer pumping me with crap. That what will really happen is she will move Pirandello get full custody of him even though we have shared parenting since he was bborn

Also is it normal that my lawyer takes at least 2-3 days to respond my calls????

[dinkyface]

OK, so she moves out in 3 months (optimistically - but consider, what exactly is impelling her to move????).
Then you file some papers and get a court date 2 months after that.
The first court appearance is basically just reviewing the paperwork, and setting the next date.
2 months later, you get a chance for some sort of 'suggestion' to be made by the judge. Which your ex can refuse to follow (if she is 'long-term-stupid').

You kid is now walking, RUNNING, talking and building lego.

THAT's the process you will have to endure.

Continue educating yourself - being able to self-represent down the road is a VERY valuable skill. Don't bombard your lawyer with every question and what-if that comes to mind. If you have agreed on a course of action, and he is on-course, then possibly try to arrange just weekly or bi-weekly meetings to address all of your worries (which you will of course write down, research, then discuss in a time-efficient manner).

... and what is Pirandello? (sorry, sometimes it seems your posts are skipping about a bit, hard to follow occasionally)

Some good books for you
- http://www.amazon.ca/Children-Come-F...375797&sr=8-75
- http://www.amazon.ca/Tug-War-Verdict...7375838&sr=8-1
- http://www.amazon.ca/Joint-Custody-J...375740&sr=8-49

[Chris2008]

Sorry it was the spell check on my phone. Somehow it thought that was a word. Okay, so I am quite naive when it comes to how long these custody battles can actually take. I thought we just show up on the arranged date and it's done.

I don't quite understand how it is going to be an uphill battle for me to get shared parenting but obviously I am not completely educated on my rights as a father. Reading online, and talking to my lawyer it seemed kind of cut and dry as all i am asking for is thethe statusstatus quo of seeing my child on shared parenting plan. Btw i am now back in the house thanks to your advice. I am also equipped with a pvr . I wiill also get those books too..
It's kind of sad if the woman left the home with the child its okay but if it was reversed where the man left, the child should stay with mom. My lawyer said the tender years doctrine and primary caregiver rules no longer apply but by reading everyone's feedback it seems that the courts still favor the mother as the primary caregiver?

[Rioe]

The courts favour whomever the child lived with during the previous six months to a year before the trial. If the dad had the kid and the mom did nothing to get custody, then the dad would get the bulk of the time with the kid. It has nothing to do with father's rights or mother's rights, but the right of the child to have stability in their life. Judges look at the best interests of the child first, and this is not usually to be uprooted from the only parent they truly know by the time court rolls around and handed over to the parent who has become a near-stranger. Unfortunately, it usually doesn't matter how the status quo was established, or what underhanded tricks one parent used to engineer it.

[dinkyface]

Sure - it is straighforward if your ex 'behaves'. It really depends on your ex and how hard she fights you. Family court is USELESS for enforcement and encouraging responsible/reasonable behaviour. Parents can get away with so much, and not be held accountable in any way. For example, if your ex decides to take your kids 100 km away, or across the country, or, god forbid, to a womens' shelter, then there is a very long and uncertain process for getting back your kids.

[Chris2008]

Yeah I don't think she will behave as she has proven to be quite irrational at times. She kind of changes the rules as she goes along. The court of queens bench Alberta website publishes judgements online for anyone to browse. I've been reading the verdicts and it seems to at least show the court system here is looking at shared parenting as the norm. Cross fingers I get one of those judges.

Once again you have been invaluable with your advice. You do not know how much better this makes me feel and that my son does have a chance of not being treated like a piece of leverage.

[Chris2008]

Update on this. As mentioned earlier, I am now back in my house. As well, she just got approved for a rental condo and will now be moving on February 1st!! So need for the exclusive possession order.

So the next thing is I called my lawyer to let him know. Waiting to hear back from. However, what are my options now with my son? Can she just leave with him?

I want a shared parenting order but how long will it take to go to the court? The only thing that works in my favor right now is that she needs me to babysit him at night and weekend mornings while she works? I obviously can just take him to my house though as we will be a 5 minute drive away.

As now that I have been informed about status quo from you guys I don't want it that she is always at his place.

[Berner_Faith]

As mentioned earlier, she can't just take your son...you make it clear to her that you are wanting 50/50 custody, week on/week off basis... also maybe mention to her that should she not agree to the 50/50 you will be heading to court to have the child returned to the familiar home... until you have a signed SA or court order, you are both entitled to the child 50/50...

[mcdreamy]

As mentioned earlier, she can't just take your son...you make it clear to her that you are wanting 50/50 custody, week on/week off basis... also maybe mention to her that should she not agree to the 50/50 you will be heading to court to have the child returned to the familiar home... until you have a signed SA or court order, you are both entitled to the child 50/50...

Of course she is. And she is going to. What are you telling him, phsysically manhold the child on the day of moving?

[dinkyface]

You cannot prevent her from leaving with your son. And as I said earlier, the courts SUCK at enforcement. So start proposing some schedules that make it easy for her to agree - without bending over backwards. Include the overnights. Suggest at most 2-3 days with each parent, then switch. You need 3 or 4 overnights per week. Not 2. 50-50 is usually calculated from # overnights. You might find that daycare will be a necessity (i.e. when both of you work at same time) ... start looking into it. Don't fall into the trap of letting this be 'the lady's job' to arrange. Daycare alliances are important - they often see the mother as the customer and can be hostile to dads.

Start being out of the house with your son, doing stuff. This will increase her confidence in you being alone with your son, that you will always come back, and get her used to the 'quiet house', a good transition to the actual '2 houses' arrangement.

Start behaving as if 50-50 is the only possible option, this is the way it will be, because it is the reasonable thing to do. Start thinking about the practicalities of back and forth. Where will you exchange? Who will do the driving?

React positively to her relationship with your son .. don't give any hints that you think you can do things better, or that she is in any way inadequate, or that you intend to interfere in her parenting.

Get ready with equipment for overnights at both houses. You go and buy the stuff (another carseat, another crib, more baby gates, more bottles) - don't quibble about splitting the cost, just be ready.

When she moves out, start paying CS according to the offset method (i.e. look up the table amount for your income, and subtract the table amount for her income), and divide by 2. I'm assuming you are making more than she.

Start with solid foods and formula, to encourage reduction in breastfeeding. Keep records of breastfeeding schedule leading up to her move out date.

Just ... make it so (in 6 days!).

Then, if she starts refusing, you are golden (i.e. organized, cooperative) when it comes to appearing in front of a judge.

[Berner_Faith]

I don't think I ever said that...if you read what I wrote it CLEARLY stated that if she does take the child he would get an immediate court order to have the son returned.

[Chris2008]

I can't post a long reply right now but if I could take you you guys out for beers I would. Thank you so much.

[HammerDad]

What you need to do now that is she is moving, is put a parenting/custody agreement under her nose. Have your lawyer write up an agreement providing for joint custody and 50/50 parenting time NOW!

It is important that you provide her reasonable offers on custody. And getting her to sign a custody agreement prior to leaving with the child would eliminate the need for an order to have the child returned. See if you can get her and her lawyer to meet you and your lawyer to negotiate a custody agreement ASAP. If you think you can do this yourself, try. But the agreement is better and significantly more enforcible if you each independant legal counsel.

[Pursuinghappiness]

It's kind of sad if the woman left the home with the child its okay but if it was reversed where the man left, the child should stay with mom.

lol..Here we go with the gender nonsense.

If she leaves with your kid, you immediately file a court order to have the child returned. She has zero right to do so...just like you wouldn't. The only exception is if she feels that she and the child are in physical peril. Neither a mother or a father has a right to move the child out of their home without a court order.

And if she does try to leave and force you to file an emergency motion to get your child returned, it will be part of the continuing record and will set a tone of her behavior going forward...ie. it won't look good for your continued negotiations.

You need to understand that right now...prior to any court order you both have assumed shared parenting status and you need to exercise yours immediately. She doesn't have more rights because she's female...or vice versa.

Stop talking to her verbally and email her to let her know that you would like to work out a reasonable schedule for the child so that you can both have fair access. Be polite, be clear and continue this communication with her and keep backups of it. You need to show that you are making a sincere effort to co-parent with her. If anyone is going to be irrational, make sure it isn't you. With all the mudslinging back and forth, judges tend to side with the parent who simply seems the most reasonable over time. And longterm, setting a tone of behavior with her will pay-off for the emotional and mental well-being of your son.

Forget about her...forget about your anger and bitterness...forget about your adult relationship when dealing with parenting issues. Everytime you say (email) or do anything...think of what is best for your child....then do it. If you have that mindset from the very beginning, it will be a lot easier for you going forward.

You need to separate the two things out and find a safe place to vent and deal with the separation...parenting should be handled with only one frame of mind. The best interest of your child.