What to do? What to do?

[bigdaddy2570]

My wife and I separated on June 1st the kids have been staying with her and my in-laws since.I get to see the kids for a couple of hours over the course of the week at her discretion.I have gotten them around 3-4 pm on Sat and they have to be back around 8 pm on Sun. When we were married I was a stay-at home dad and did everything for the kids now all of a sudden cause of the separation she is "Mother of the year".There is no CAS or police involvement and she doesn't have any legal documents stating she has temporary custody or anything of that nature.The father-in-law has been picking the kids up and dropping them off for school.The big question is if I was to get the kids for a visit and refuse to send them back legally can I be charged with anything?

[NBDad]

Technically? no. However she'll slap you with an ex parte (emergency hearing) so fast it'll make your head spin, or file a false DV charge and have you carted away by the police.

What you need to do is to get your ass a lawyer and have him file a motion to have the children returned to the marital home, and for you to have interim sole custody and exclusive possession of the marital home.

It sucks and may take a couple weeks, but legally YOU have 50-50 joint custody the second you split, however SHE has the same. YOU (as the father) DO NOT want to be the one to rock the boat.

Lawyer up, get your ducks in a row. Read THE LIST and protect yourself AND your kids. Fight for what you (and they) are entitled to.

[TLCRN]

NBDad couldn't have said it better~ get off this forum and either retain a lawyer or see an advice lawyer as the more you delay things, the more amunition you are giving her, harder it will be for you to obtain more access or custody. Be prepared to provide the last three years of your income tax returns and Notice of Assessments as she will ask for child support when she responds to your motion for full custody. That is assuming she will request "full custody" of the children.

[bigdaddy2570]

Done

I've already retained a lawyer and we are filing the necessary paperwork on Monday.I haven't gone into this half-assed as it may seem.I just find it very idiotic that the mother always seems to get the benefit of the doubt when it comes to these things.What about the fathers that raise the kids and do everything for them and then the mother gets a 50/50 split?? Thanks for the advice I will keep everybody posted.

[TLCRN]

You are right, there is no reason from what I read for you not to have more access, joint custody or even full custody considering the fact you were at home with the children. I don't know all the details. Word of advice: don't let your emotions cloud your judgement when it comes down to it, too many fathers give up too easily. Hang in there~

[NBDad]

Sounds like you are on the right track them. The waiting sucks, but believe me you don't want to inflame the situation right now, at least until you have an interim order in place.

If you need advise, or just want to vent, by all means, better here than out in the real world.

Document document document and remember, no matter how much you'd like to throttle the ex, it's all glitter farting unicorns and fuzzy pink bunnies until you get a judge's signature on a final order.

[Gary M]

it's all glitter farting unicorns

Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... Love it

Cheers!

Gary

[bigdaddy2570]

LOL. Thanks for the help.

[Rioe]

Sounds like you are on the right track them. The waiting sucks, but believe me you don't want to inflame the situation right now, at least until you have an interim order in place.

If you need advise, or just want to vent, by all means, better here than out in the real world.

Document document document and remember, no matter how much you'd like to throttle the ex, it's all glitter farting unicorns and fuzzy pink bunnies until you get a judge's signature on a final order.

Oh yeah, I am just waiting and waiting for the day when I can stop the glitter-farting!

[Dd1]

Just need to say thanks to all here!

Wow - I am just......wow! The wife asked for the divorce in march - we "agreed" due to lack of funds that we were going to seperate under the same roof with our three kids in post secondary (17, 20,22) and with each day that passes I remind myself what my early on lawyer consult advised - actually he first said one thing and then a week later he changed his advise to "since I, Dad, is now on cpp disability and our assets are in the rrsp and the house plus I have about $450 a month in perscriptions a month and she has the work medical insurance that it would be wise for me to stick this out as long as i can - get the meds paid for and do what i can to be prepared" for the mediation which we both agreed to put off - more for me even if I did not dislose the real reason to her - i have spent the last three to four years in a medical, and mental coma for the lack of a better term. Surgeries and more and the trust i gave my wife because i had no choice - the last 6 months have been a real eye opener - the fact that i had enough and pushed her to make the choice to get help - her answer was divorce. What i struggle with every day is "Am i doing the right thing"? I see the dynamics going on here and I am really worried what this is doing to the kids.

Nobody uunderstands why dad spends almost every hour he possibly has the energy an ability to do even though I am in a tremendous amount of pain. All this while mom more or less sits on the couch watching tv, playing computer games and only in the last few weeks has she changed her tune (I bought myself a laptop for privacy and she has locked everyone out of hers - even the kids) I think the worst in that i think that she is working her ass off even if she is not. I am getting the very strong vibe from the kids that maybe they are cluing into the fact that i am so focused and Mom is not that I may just be rip for crushing her into the ground without a lifeline or air.

Still I have such a hard time focusing - seems every day i work on getting things done i find 10 other things! It is never ending! I am on my third box of files, finances and more and I feel like i am just starting! So my delemma is what do I really do???? I admit my personal difficulties have driven me to the point of indecision on most everything - part of the paosition i have been in for so many years. It did not take me long to figure out divorce and indecision do not mix - just like spouse, friend and a friendly 50/50 of division of assets!

I suppose i have gone on without makiing any truely positive statement - I know that I am in a fix - what i get out of this divorce is going to be my life - I will not get out of the disability trap and will remain unemployable most likely till retirement. Until 6 weeks ago i didn't even know there was a thing called the wife paying the man support (I know it was a stupid statement but i really thought that for the last four or five years and the stress over what my wife was doing to me was the stress that get me over the edge for so long). Even though she denies it the presurre continues now - just last week she spoke of "cutting her pay out of the joint account - the account that all the bills get paid from" and she doesn't see the problem! I have gone on way to long - I must saay and give so much thanks to the person who put the link here and especially the person who put into words the best plan of any attack ever in one place - even if only 1/5 applies the list is overflowing of wealth in knowledge! Thank you to all!

[bigdaddy2570]

Advice?

Ok all the separation agreement papers have been filed and she was served the other day and like I suspected she was bluffing and doesn't even have a lawyer as of yet which I guess is good for me.Now here lies the problem....we had an argument on the 1st I ended up using the TV as a football and subsequently arrested for mischief.On the order there is a stipulation that I cannot go back to our marital home.I've tried to have a variance put on the order to no avail.The first time the judge approved it but the crown had all the addresses wrong and delayed it until today where again it was delayed until 07/22 because the crown that was there today was not the one that actually dealt with the variances.Problem is the lease on the house is 8/01 so when the heck am I supposed to get my belongings out of the house? Any advice?

[today]

You can ask the Police to escort you to the house and remain while you get what you need.

[notfairatall]

If you were the stay at home dad i hope you end up being the custodial parent. Also if you are not working i would also try to get spousal support, for you were the one taking care of the children......good luck i hope you don't get discriminated against just because you have a penis and your ex doesn't all the best.

[NBDad]

we had an argument on the 1st I ended up using the TV as a football and subsequently arrested for mischief.

You screwed yourself right there. Why in the WORLD are you talking to the ex still? Radio silence...learn it, live it and love it.

If she tries to talk to you, stare at the wall behind her head and/or walk away. Make sure you have a PVR on your person at all times so you can protect yourself from this kind of stuff. You made a cardinal mistake by loosing your temper.

[wretchedotis]

you were charged with mischief for punting your own tv?
seems like if my posessions need a good punting, I'm just the man for the job.
doesn't seem to be a charge that would indicate you were violent towards your ex. shamefull you were ordered out of the house as result.

but get used to it. you have a steep hill to climb what with you being a man.