Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 12-06-2010, 08:10 AM
KaysDad KaysDad is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2
KaysDad is on a distinguished road
Default Make up Time

I usually have my 1 year old daughter 2 times a week on Thursday evenings and Saturday overnights. For the last few months I have to cancelled some of the visits due to work and my car breaking down at the last minute. Canceling and getting make up time with my daughter has never been an issue but since the last settlement conference (where the judge made an order giving me more access time than the 3 hours a week I was originally getting) my ex will not allow me to schedule make up time. We have another conference in February and I'm wondering if this continues, will the judge most likely see things in my favour, recognizing that a status quo of me receiving make up time has already been established?
  #2  
Old 12-06-2010, 08:33 AM
Mess Mess is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,448
Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough
Default

We have a clause written into our separation agreement stating that changes to the schedule need 1 week written notice (email) or there would be no make up time.

This kind of clause isn't uncommon; I had it written in because my ex would chronically want me to take the kids at the last minute because she had some plans she forgot to tell me about, or a last minute thing. She would also make plans over the phone and then deny the conversation a week later. So I wanted it in writing, a week in advance, or no make up time; I also use my option to simply refuse and she gets a baby sitter.

It's rough to have to treat time with the kids as a commodity but that's what it is, it's something of value and suddenly there isn't enough to go around. Time to myself and time to do things I need to do on my own is also a commodity and both my ex and me depend on what little free time we have. Losing it at the last minute is infuriating. Co-operation is a two way street and if you want her to co-operate you have to provide it yourself.

What would you do if your ex died and you were suddenly completely responsible for the kids and your car broke down? Would you just leave them at school or at the babysitter overnight? But they are with their mum so that is convenient for you if you have an emergency or if something comes up that is inconvenient or if work needs you for a few more hours.
  #3  
Old 12-06-2010, 09:32 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,958
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Unfortunately, when it is your fault for not being able to exercise your parenting time, there generally isn't any makeup time. The belief is, that it is your obligation to ensure you are available at such time.

Should you not be available, then you must notify your ex and request an alternative date. Should she not be willing to change, then it is on you to get your child for your parenting time. Now, if she were unable to get the child to you for some reason (lets say her car broke down in another town a couple hours away and couldn't be a the regular exchange spot) it is on her to notify you of what is happening and offer you the earliest possible makeup date.

If I need a change of date, I always email my ex as soon as I can and ask to switch. I've only ever had to do it a couple times. My ex isn't always agreeable to changes. She also emails me when she needs me to switch. I won't switch unless I a) get my makeup time prior to my exchanged time, where possible and b) have it in writing that I am entitled to this time now.
  #4  
Old 12-06-2010, 01:54 PM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,407
blinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the roughblinkandimgone is a jewel in the rough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
What would you do if your ex died and you were suddenly completely responsible for the kids and your car broke down? Would you just leave them at school or at the babysitter overnight? But they are with their mum so that is convenient for you if you have an emergency or if something comes up that is inconvenient or if work needs you for a few more hours.
A-freaking-men. I can't stand being treated with that kind of disregard or having my kids treated that way. Seems it's too easy for the ex to blow off time with the kids at the last minute when a football game comes up or it's tequila tuesday or one of the other bucket full of excuses we hear. I can't stand being treated like I'm here to pick up the slack when the ex just doesn't follow through. What if I was dead, then what would happen??? blech.
  #5  
Old 12-06-2010, 02:01 PM
dadtotheend's Avatar
dadtotheend dadtotheend is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,644
dadtotheend will become famous soon enoughdadtotheend will become famous soon enough
Default

Ha Ha Ha.

My ex regularly calls Friday morning making last minute requests that I drive the kids up to her because she doesn't want to come and get them in traffic.

Or she will come to school early and pick them up an hour before school gets out because "It's Thanksgiving weekend and it's no big deal if they get out early".

It's just a thinly veiled excuse for "I can't be bothered to put my kids needs first".
  #6  
Old 12-17-2010, 11:50 AM
KaysDad KaysDad is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2
KaysDad is on a distinguished road
Default

My ex does not work and prefers that our daughter is in her care when I cannot pick her up for my time. She continues to deny me my makeup time. In the past she has fought to make sure my access time has not been increased. My lawyer seems to think the courts will see her continual refusal to let me spend time with my daughter, as a form of parental alienation on the part of my ex.
  #7  
Old 12-17-2010, 11:55 AM
billiechic billiechic is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Vaughan
Posts: 2,373
billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default

they may, but unless she is doing a bunch of other things to alienate you it's going to be hard to change anything. If you are just looking to contnue with the current schedule, it should help.
  #8  
Old 12-17-2010, 12:00 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,958
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

When you miss time due to your own fault, makeup time is not generally awarded. If you miss time due to your ex's scheduling, then you should be offered makeup time.

If she your ex needs a change in parenting time, and has been known to renege on any agreement once her needs are solved, never agree to a change in schedule unless you get your makeup time first. If she asks last minute, simply say "sorry I cannot agree as in prior instances agreements we came to regarding makeup time were not honoured."

I do agree that your ex should be understanding that there will be instances where you can't make it, and should be willing to compromise on makeup time. But the makeup time would be at a time preferable to her, and on her schedule. If the two of you can't agree time that is mutually beneficial, then it will be her to offer X time and you to say yes or no, as it was your fault the issue arose. Same goes if the shoe was on her foot.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Full time to Part time - imputing income globalpilot76 Divorce & Family Law 9 10-29-2011 08:52 PM
time frames to respond or make deal? 911hockey Divorce & Family Law 3 10-28-2011 01:46 AM
Going through a terrible time accepting the Justice System PrincessKatie Divorce Support 11 06-26-2011 03:09 AM
Make up visits! WorkingDAD Divorce & Family Law 12 03-17-2011 10:56 AM
Divorcing Well SigRent Parenting Issues 2 05-06-2010 09:02 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:42 AM.