I'm marriend - and have been for 4 and a half years. I've known her all my life, but we lost touch for a while as we grew up (Our families had cottages near each-other). When we did get back in touch, we sped through the talking-dating-engaged-married in in less than 18 months.
There were warning signs even before I proposed that it was a bad idea, but instead of thinking things through with my head, I followed my heart and went ahead with it. After we were married, I revealed to her that I was hiding debt, and she's struggled to forgive me for that ever since - long after the debts have been paid off.
These days, we spend half of our time together fighting, and she regularly threatens divorce, reminds me that it's "her" house (I couldn't be on the mortgage due to the past debts) and that there's no way she could ever forgive me for the past debt lies. The other half of the time, I'm either doing anything I can to help her (so that we don't fight again) or she's "happy we're together") and discusses how she can't wait to grow old with me and raise a family.
Needless to say, it's frustrating.
I've been working my current job for 3 years, and met a new friend at work a year ago (today) during a training seminar. We became decent friends - casually goofing off and flirting at work on occasion with little inside jokes and such, too, but they left for a new job a little over 3 months ago. Since then, we've gotten together about once per month to catch up. We've now changed this meeting to every other week. My spouse has no idea how good of friends we became - and has no idea we've been meeting.
I do understand that I'm involved in a textbook emotional affair. My new friend shares far more interests with me, enjoys spending time on things I enjoy, makes me smile, laugh and feel happy. I can't honestly say I've felt the same feelings with time spent with my wife. Ever. I thought I knew what happy was - but I was, apparently, wrong.
So, now I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I really do want nothing for my wife but her happiness. Looking at our track record, though, she's clearly not getting that from me. Sometimes, she says she wants to keep trying - but other days she wants a divorce. I look forward to my bi-weekly time with my new friend - it's the only time every other week where I actually feel happy. If I weren't married, I'd be dating her - and having a great time of it.
So... What's wrong with me? And where do I go from here?
There were warning signs even before I proposed that it was a bad idea, but instead of thinking things through with my head, I followed my heart and went ahead with it. After we were married, I revealed to her that I was hiding debt, and she's struggled to forgive me for that ever since - long after the debts have been paid off.
These days, we spend half of our time together fighting, and she regularly threatens divorce, reminds me that it's "her" house (I couldn't be on the mortgage due to the past debts) and that there's no way she could ever forgive me for the past debt lies. The other half of the time, I'm either doing anything I can to help her (so that we don't fight again) or she's "happy we're together") and discusses how she can't wait to grow old with me and raise a family.
Needless to say, it's frustrating.
I've been working my current job for 3 years, and met a new friend at work a year ago (today) during a training seminar. We became decent friends - casually goofing off and flirting at work on occasion with little inside jokes and such, too, but they left for a new job a little over 3 months ago. Since then, we've gotten together about once per month to catch up. We've now changed this meeting to every other week. My spouse has no idea how good of friends we became - and has no idea we've been meeting.
I do understand that I'm involved in a textbook emotional affair. My new friend shares far more interests with me, enjoys spending time on things I enjoy, makes me smile, laugh and feel happy. I can't honestly say I've felt the same feelings with time spent with my wife. Ever. I thought I knew what happy was - but I was, apparently, wrong.
So, now I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I really do want nothing for my wife but her happiness. Looking at our track record, though, she's clearly not getting that from me. Sometimes, she says she wants to keep trying - but other days she wants a divorce. I look forward to my bi-weekly time with my new friend - it's the only time every other week where I actually feel happy. If I weren't married, I'd be dating her - and having a great time of it.
So... What's wrong with me? And where do I go from here?
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