I don't mean want to stir this pot again, but I am feeling seriously pissed off by the comments above of two Senior Members (I guess that means you've been around a while). Talk about reaching harsh judgements in lightning speed!
Mess says: "She just up and refused to work so you caved in and became the wallet. That's not my quick judgement on your marriage, it's your oversimplified description."
No sorry, that is a quick judgment. And a flawed one, in my opinion. He didn't 'cave in', he decided that putting food on the table and trying to keep the marriage alive (probably for the sake of the kids) was more important than either brinkmanship or walking away as you suggest. I'd call it exercising maturity responsibility.
You are right that he might have chosen better in whom he married; that would be true for me too. I suspect that might be the case for you too (else why are you here)?
dadtotheend says: "It burns my ass when Dads (and I'm not saying this is you) give up or use gender bias as a crutch to excuse their own unwillingness to get down and do the work required to be successful at court." Oh come on. I spent hundreds of hours on preparing and attending multiple excursions to court, and thousands on being a good dad to my kids, but I custody anyway. And I'm a former lawyer. Her rich daddy hired a senior female family law lawyer who deployed all sorts of malicious strategies before I finally (exhausted and approaching bankruptcy) capitulated.
I'm glad it worked out for you. But the fact that there is a significant gender bias in family law by definition means that many men walk out of court with few rights and/or greater responsibilities than either justice or the best interests of the children would dictate.
It's bad enough to be on the losing end on an uneven playing field; it really sucks to be put down by those who think they could have and would have done better. I think we need to support each other.
Mess says: "She just up and refused to work so you caved in and became the wallet. That's not my quick judgement on your marriage, it's your oversimplified description."
No sorry, that is a quick judgment. And a flawed one, in my opinion. He didn't 'cave in', he decided that putting food on the table and trying to keep the marriage alive (probably for the sake of the kids) was more important than either brinkmanship or walking away as you suggest. I'd call it exercising maturity responsibility.
You are right that he might have chosen better in whom he married; that would be true for me too. I suspect that might be the case for you too (else why are you here)?
dadtotheend says: "It burns my ass when Dads (and I'm not saying this is you) give up or use gender bias as a crutch to excuse their own unwillingness to get down and do the work required to be successful at court." Oh come on. I spent hundreds of hours on preparing and attending multiple excursions to court, and thousands on being a good dad to my kids, but I custody anyway. And I'm a former lawyer. Her rich daddy hired a senior female family law lawyer who deployed all sorts of malicious strategies before I finally (exhausted and approaching bankruptcy) capitulated.
I'm glad it worked out for you. But the fact that there is a significant gender bias in family law by definition means that many men walk out of court with few rights and/or greater responsibilities than either justice or the best interests of the children would dictate.
It's bad enough to be on the losing end on an uneven playing field; it really sucks to be put down by those who think they could have and would have done better. I think we need to support each other.
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