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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21  
Old 01-12-2021, 09:58 AM
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Originally Posted by 350 Mag View Post
Mix in some stress leave, max out my unpaid leave and I can get my net income down to about 70k(down from 120k) if I have to.

Best case:

Instead of making 120k and paying 30k in support, leaving you with 90k, you make 70k and pay 15k in support, leaving you 55k. You have lost 35k. Congratulations!

Likely case:

Judge laughs a bit and tells you to pay 30k in support anyway because you are not actually allowed to lower your income like that.

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Will certainly suck making 50k less per year but the hell if I am going to finance her mid-life f***Fest ....
I thought you loved her and stuff. Don't you want her to be happy?

Seriously though, you are definitely going to be funding her midlife fuckfest. I assume you meant fuckfest, with all the asterixes I wasn't sure if she had serial flatulence or something. Reducing your income won't actually help.

Also, notice how angry you are about a hypothetical boyfriend. Imagine how you are going to feel about a real boyfriend. This divorce is not going to be amicable.
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  #22  
Old 01-12-2021, 07:59 PM
350 Mag 350 Mag is offline
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If the job I am currently posted at comes to an end....and I have to take whatever position the company has to offer and it happens to pay 30k less ...that is NOT an intentional act on my part....that is happening in next 1.5 years regardless of divorce or not.

I definitely want her to be happy...

But after a 30 year relationship I think it's really bad form to just start jumping into bed with strangers?

After all.

It's the second most important decision in your life.?

My wife still says I am attractive...she doesn't like that I tried to "control" her....and I do have some toxic personality traits.....she finds unattractive.

I think deep down she still have some love for me.

I am hoping if we get along....she might be receptive to another chance...IF she sees I have made positive changes.

A divorce is not only a end to a marriage it's an end of a family....and we both owe it to each other to make 100% sure it's the right decision.
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  #23  
Old 01-12-2021, 08:20 PM
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You said your ex checked out several years ago and has only stayed the last few years for the kids. Then you talk about control and personality traits she didnt like. You need to accept the fact your relationship is over in her eyes. Holding onto a hope of reconciliation is a waste of energy. She doesnt want to be married anymore. Stop worrying about her and worry about yourself. Stop trying to see something that isnt there. You are still a family its just a different kind of family. You and your kids, her and the kids, and the two of you interacting at special events as separate parents. You can be cordial and work in the best interests of the kids but the marriage is over.


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  #24  
Old 01-12-2021, 09:25 PM
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You said your ex checked out several years ago and has only stayed the last few years for the kids. Then you talk about control and personality traits she didn�t like. You need to accept the fact your relationship is over in her eyes. Holding onto a hope of reconciliation is a waste of energy. She doesn�t want to be married anymore. Stop worrying about her and worry about yourself. Stop trying to see something that isn�t there. You are still a �family� its just a different kind of family. You and your kids, her and the kids, and the two of you interacting at special events as separate parents. You can be cordial and work in the best interests of the kids but the marriage is over.


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I realize there is a 1% chance my wife will come back.

But we talked tonight and she actually agreed that there is a very tiny window....

I am not going to pressure her, I am going to make sure she is comfortable in her new place, and has enough money.

We are also going to fill out forms for seperation agreement just to get into writing that we agree on the value of assets and on a S.S and C.S payments.

Her feelings may change after a few months....

I just have to let her have her space and see.

I am o.k with it either way....I have to be.

..and yes I am not looking back.


The big plus is her mom and dad didn't think divorce was a good idea.....they even told her they are not going to stop loving me....which was very touching.

It actually upset my wife.

But later after the shock wore off they said they will support her decision.
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  #25  
Old 01-12-2021, 11:02 PM
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She could also be lying to you until she gets out of the house. Seriously dude, you need to get a grip and move forward.


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  #26  
Old 01-13-2021, 07:26 AM
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She is not a liar.

It's never too late.

I should have done more 10 years ago....BUT she may not like it on her own.

I am not going to dwell on false hope either....just leaving the door open to reconcile IF she chooses to come back.

Her mom and father split for 2 years and got back together and have been together since.
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  #27  
Old 01-13-2021, 09:59 AM
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You have a 99% chance of not getting back together and in the time away she can put in place financial protections that screw you.

Not to mention what happens if she has someone in mind and she starts seeing them. Are you going to be ok with that?


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  #28  
Old 01-13-2021, 11:24 AM
piggybanktoex piggybanktoex is offline
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Get everything in writing and legally binding. There is no bond or trust to be expected. Everything is fine until it isn’t. Your best interest is not her concern at this point. Better safer than sorrier. Good luck.
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  #29  
Old 01-13-2021, 09:22 PM
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Yes I will get a notorized seperation agreement.

This is Canada, and she is in the drivers seat when it comes to the courts.

This is the most agonizing experience in my life.

The shocking thing is HOW you can say your in love, say forever with a smile on your face, get married have 2 kids and then fall out of love and not even tell your spouse.

The sickest thing is she went to see our Priest 9 years ago and he didn't even advise her to seek counselling or work on the marriage.



She kept that from me for 4-5 years.

She had me in a love starved relationship for the last 10 years....and that really HURT.

But I still love her.

I almost had her admit tonight that she never really loved me at all....

I just feel violated....29 years wasted on someone who got married for all the wrong reasons.....and when it was a fairy tale she didn't have the stones to leave.....she decided to have kids.....

Just so much fail....
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  #30  
Old 01-14-2021, 11:33 PM
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But I still love her.

Just so much fail....
You need a therapist, I think you are about to fail even more. You don't want to do that.
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